From the BBC:
Friday, 13 February 2009
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Caboverde
Have been saving this for a few days now...
To some, Cape Verde sounds like an island paradise. An island off the West Coast of Africa, bathed in light tropical winds with a perfect climate, the people are friendly, the beaches are apparently spotless...
Different when you are working there. Arrival on the island was a little late, so we touched down shortly after 11pm and i joined the line at immigration. Maybe 100 people, with 2 extraordinarily surly and unwelcoming Police officers on duty. An hour later my passport was scowled at for a good 3 or 4 minutes, all the time staring down without a word, they stared at various visas... and then asked "Visa?"
My answer must have surprised them. For I, like everyone else that day, and probably every other day they had ever worked at the airport, had discovered that you can only buy the visa in person once on the island. So no, i didnt have a visa. I was eventually given a form (including Profession, parents' names and i think it asked for my favourite colour) and joined the back of the line i had been in before, now at another desk. It took over 2 hours to get from the terminal door to baggage reclaim, a distance of about 40 metres.
The driver was there waiting and whished me off to my hotel. I was waved in the direction of a Grace Bros style lift which took me up one floor. Room 110 was posted down the corridor so off i went. When i bumped into my room, which i discovered by braille, I was so excited about the lighting arrangements in my corridor that i took a photo of the front door:
To some, Cape Verde sounds like an island paradise. An island off the West Coast of Africa, bathed in light tropical winds with a perfect climate, the people are friendly, the beaches are apparently spotless...
Different when you are working there. Arrival on the island was a little late, so we touched down shortly after 11pm and i joined the line at immigration. Maybe 100 people, with 2 extraordinarily surly and unwelcoming Police officers on duty. An hour later my passport was scowled at for a good 3 or 4 minutes, all the time staring down without a word, they stared at various visas... and then asked "Visa?"
My answer must have surprised them. For I, like everyone else that day, and probably every other day they had ever worked at the airport, had discovered that you can only buy the visa in person once on the island. So no, i didnt have a visa. I was eventually given a form (including Profession, parents' names and i think it asked for my favourite colour) and joined the back of the line i had been in before, now at another desk. It took over 2 hours to get from the terminal door to baggage reclaim, a distance of about 40 metres.
The driver was there waiting and whished me off to my hotel. I was waved in the direction of a Grace Bros style lift which took me up one floor. Room 110 was posted down the corridor so off i went. When i bumped into my room, which i discovered by braille, I was so excited about the lighting arrangements in my corridor that i took a photo of the front door:
Once inside i took advantage of the facilities and slept. Until the alarm went off about 5 hours later.
The office was a huge sprawling place, fit for 1000 workers, but actually being used by about 20. I have no complaints about my treatment by the team there, excellent, hard working people who looked after me and made me very welcome. Even Anna, the mad young girl in the canteen who decided that the funniest thing she had ever encountered was a vegetarian.
The canteen was like a 1940s pre-hygiene food tent. There was a counter, and on the other side was Anna, a spoon, some tongs, and about a dozen plates. These contained one big pile of rice, one plate of vegetables, and about 10 different ways to cook bits of chicken. Or pork. Or lets face it, it could have been dog.
I was Anna's first vegetarian. So i got a plate of rice and vegetables. And each of my 5 lunches there was a lump of cabbage (boiled 45 minutes), some squash (boiled 45 minutes), a plantain (quite tasty actually) and some rice. And she never stopped laughing at me.
My host actually phoned a restaurant for me, as my Portuguese is not what it used to be, and was told they dont serve vegetarians. Irish, dogs and whores welcome, but no vegetarians. So it was off to the supermarket for home made cheese (Laughing Cow reduced fat slices since you ask) sandwiches.
One night we did go out to a restaurant. The chef was told at table side to prepare a feast of vegetables, to use his imagination, and surprise me. He did.
I got a plate of rice, plantain, squash and cabbage. And resting ever so neatly on top were 2 stone cold slices of Laughing Cow cheese.
The hotel was a great place to stay at night. No internet, no blackberry, no tv...One light in the room, no kettle, no fridge... the air conditioning had a hose running into a bucket by the window that i had to empty every couple of hours while wondering what the gestation period for legionaires disease is...
So it was no hardship at all to work at the office past 8 every night, and on the last night we arrived at the airport at 10.30. I arrived in the departure lounge after midnight. THere was only one flight, with little more than 100 people on, but again check in was painful and security was ridiculous. And we then left over an hour late which made my bag miss the connection.
Going to lost baggage at LHR was painful. I tried to explain to the man that i was travelling again the next day so needed my bag urgently. His reply - "Its not here." I know, say I, so can i borrow one? "No, your bag is not damaged, it is lost, and you can only borrow a bag if we have damaged your's." So being unable to prove that my bag was damaged, i left without a spare change of underwear....
So what did i see of Caboverde? In daylight - the walk from the office to the canteen. I had to wait outside the hotel every morning for the driver, so i include for your delight the Escolinha Disneyland - which proves that Cape Verde is one place the Disney lawyers have not yet reached which cheered me up. And the view from my window - the corner of the market place with women arriving with boxes of fruit on their heads. In civilisations where men do the work we invented the wheel 1000s of years ago. Where women do the work, they still carry boxes on their heads....
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Ok, even i wouldn't do that #2 (and dont worry, there shouldnt be many)
An update on the Tory hopeful who went to the fancy dress party as Maddie.
Apparently he did wonder whether it was a bit tasteless so he checked with his friends. Decided it was ok as one of them was going as Baby P.
And he did.
No comment required.
Apparently he did wonder whether it was a bit tasteless so he checked with his friends. Decided it was ok as one of them was going as Baby P.
And he did.
No comment required.
FOX News - i could not live without it...
Last night they started reporting the (ahem...) FACT that since Barack fluffed his lines in the swearing in bit of the shenanigans the other day he was not officially the President. They were trying to run with it and say that it may in fact need a new election as the country was rudderless...
And now today, with the news that Barack and the Chief Justice repeated the swearing in later in the privacy of some ballroom toilet (i made that location up, but hey, if they can...) just in case any right wing nutters thought about challenging the validity of the Presidency.
So what do FOX News now run with? "On Day 2 of the Obama Presidency - how the White House has become a secret office not inviting the press to key events..."
Has BECOME???? Seriously folks, you need to keep watching FOX News, cos when Obama does good things they will be spinning it in their usual brilliant way.
Feeding the Poor? Lets bring back tax cuts for the rich.
Just out of curiosity - is there common law in the US. Surely if 2 million people stand in the snow watching something, 100s of millions around the world watch it on TV, everyone reads about it, everyone knows... surely getting two lines of the oath wrong makes no difference at all? Everyone knows he is the Pres?
Surely?
Watch this space for news of FOX v Obama in the Supreme Court.
And now today, with the news that Barack and the Chief Justice repeated the swearing in later in the privacy of some ballroom toilet (i made that location up, but hey, if they can...) just in case any right wing nutters thought about challenging the validity of the Presidency.
So what do FOX News now run with? "On Day 2 of the Obama Presidency - how the White House has become a secret office not inviting the press to key events..."
Has BECOME???? Seriously folks, you need to keep watching FOX News, cos when Obama does good things they will be spinning it in their usual brilliant way.
Feeding the Poor? Lets bring back tax cuts for the rich.
Just out of curiosity - is there common law in the US. Surely if 2 million people stand in the snow watching something, 100s of millions around the world watch it on TV, everyone reads about it, everyone knows... surely getting two lines of the oath wrong makes no difference at all? Everyone knows he is the Pres?
Surely?
Watch this space for news of FOX v Obama in the Supreme Court.
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
Isn't blogging brillllliant??!!!
Welcome gentle reader, to the back of my cab. I am currently doing 80 on the M23, and have had enough of the driver telling me how any animal can get UK benefits without ever leaving their home in Africa....
Have just had a couple of days in Dublin, all completely overshadowed of course by the inauguration of President Obama. And yes JMP it sure does feel good not seeing the P word followed by Bush...
I will leave more educated and flowery writers to describe events, all I wanted to mention was my overwhelming sense of melancholy and fear that yesterday was the best day of Obama's presidency. Yesterday nothing was his fault, and he had promise, ideas, opportunities. Could one man change a world.
And then before he had visited his 7th ball, before he had even swiped his door pass at the White House, came news that he was stopping the Guantanamo trials due to start today. And for me that was more important than any silly parade - he has started, and in the way we wanted him to. So today I am confident. It won't all happen tomorrow, but the world will improve. And then someone will run out of water and it will all kick off anew.......
Have just had a couple of days in Dublin, all completely overshadowed of course by the inauguration of President Obama. And yes JMP it sure does feel good not seeing the P word followed by Bush...
I will leave more educated and flowery writers to describe events, all I wanted to mention was my overwhelming sense of melancholy and fear that yesterday was the best day of Obama's presidency. Yesterday nothing was his fault, and he had promise, ideas, opportunities. Could one man change a world.
And then before he had visited his 7th ball, before he had even swiped his door pass at the White House, came news that he was stopping the Guantanamo trials due to start today. And for me that was more important than any silly parade - he has started, and in the way we wanted him to. So today I am confident. It won't all happen tomorrow, but the world will improve. And then someone will run out of water and it will all kick off anew.......
Saturday, 10 January 2009
Friday, 9 January 2009
Ok, even I wouldnt do that...
Its good to know that even when all trust and support for Labour has slipped away, you still know that this bloke just had to be a Tory...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7820727.stm
Kate and Gerry McCann have condemned a Conservative activist who boasted about dressing up as Madeleine McCann at a party, calling his actions "offensive".
Matthew Lewis has been expelled from the party after telling friends of his planned exploits at a New Year party.
Tory chairman Caroline Spelman said the actions of Mr Lewis, a member of the young activist group Conservative Future, were "completely unacceptable".
Five-year Madeleine disappeared in 2007 during a family holiday in Portugal.
'Intolerable'
Despite a worldwide hunt, there has been no trace of her since.
Mr Lewis, who is believed to studying in London, told friends on the Facebook website that he planned to attend a party dressed as Madeleine McCann.
He said his costume would include "pink pyjamas, a teddy bear and a vial of fake blood".
This offensive behaviour is not only shocking but intolerable and completely unacceptable
Caroline Spelman
After the party, Mr Lewis used the website to tell another Conservative Future member that "there was a brief moment when I thought I might have gone too far with elements of the costume but it was OK".
Mr Lewis is listed by Conservative Future as its branch chairman in Staffordshire although he is reported to have resigned from the position last month.
He was pictured campaigning alongside Tory leader David Cameron during last year's Crewe and Nantwich by-election.
A spokesman for the McCanns said his actions were "offensive almost beyond belief".
"His actions are not only disgraceful in themselves, they will also cause great hurt to Kate and Gerry," he said.
"It is a complete disgrace that Madeleine's name and image should be made fun of in this way."
But the spokesman praised the "swift and appropriate" action taken by the Conservatives against Mr Lewis.
It is understood Mr Lewis is to make a "full and unreserved" apology to the McCanns, which the Conservatives hope will draw a line under the incident.
In a statement, Conservative Central Office said there was "no place for this sort of person in the party".
"This offensive behaviour is not only shocking but intolerable and completely unacceptable," Mrs Spelman said.
And I say leaving your kids alone and giving "someone else" the opportunity to murder one of them is pretty offensive.... and just maybe more serious than having extraordinarily bad taste? After all, as the McCanns know full well, all publicity is good publicity in the search for Maddie, and this gets them back in the news. I would like to make clear that there is absolutely no evidence at all to suggest that the McCanns did anything to their child. I am absolutely convinced they were in the restaurant. If their lawyers are reading i will repeat that - there is no evidence at all that they did anything more than leave their children unguarded...
If any other lawyers are reading and have any legal advice be glad to hear it :)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7820727.stm
Kate and Gerry McCann have condemned a Conservative activist who boasted about dressing up as Madeleine McCann at a party, calling his actions "offensive".
Matthew Lewis has been expelled from the party after telling friends of his planned exploits at a New Year party.
Tory chairman Caroline Spelman said the actions of Mr Lewis, a member of the young activist group Conservative Future, were "completely unacceptable".
Five-year Madeleine disappeared in 2007 during a family holiday in Portugal.
'Intolerable'
Despite a worldwide hunt, there has been no trace of her since.
Mr Lewis, who is believed to studying in London, told friends on the Facebook website that he planned to attend a party dressed as Madeleine McCann.
He said his costume would include "pink pyjamas, a teddy bear and a vial of fake blood".
This offensive behaviour is not only shocking but intolerable and completely unacceptable
Caroline Spelman
After the party, Mr Lewis used the website to tell another Conservative Future member that "there was a brief moment when I thought I might have gone too far with elements of the costume but it was OK".
Mr Lewis is listed by Conservative Future as its branch chairman in Staffordshire although he is reported to have resigned from the position last month.
He was pictured campaigning alongside Tory leader David Cameron during last year's Crewe and Nantwich by-election.
A spokesman for the McCanns said his actions were "offensive almost beyond belief".
"His actions are not only disgraceful in themselves, they will also cause great hurt to Kate and Gerry," he said.
"It is a complete disgrace that Madeleine's name and image should be made fun of in this way."
But the spokesman praised the "swift and appropriate" action taken by the Conservatives against Mr Lewis.
It is understood Mr Lewis is to make a "full and unreserved" apology to the McCanns, which the Conservatives hope will draw a line under the incident.
In a statement, Conservative Central Office said there was "no place for this sort of person in the party".
"This offensive behaviour is not only shocking but intolerable and completely unacceptable," Mrs Spelman said.
And I say leaving your kids alone and giving "someone else" the opportunity to murder one of them is pretty offensive.... and just maybe more serious than having extraordinarily bad taste? After all, as the McCanns know full well, all publicity is good publicity in the search for Maddie, and this gets them back in the news. I would like to make clear that there is absolutely no evidence at all to suggest that the McCanns did anything to their child. I am absolutely convinced they were in the restaurant. If their lawyers are reading i will repeat that - there is no evidence at all that they did anything more than leave their children unguarded...
If any other lawyers are reading and have any legal advice be glad to hear it :)
From Denis Norden's "You couldn't make it up, even if you are the kind of doctor who thinks a cock up is one more successful sex change operation..."
A man who donated his kidney to his wife eight years ago now wants it back after she cheated on him and filed for divorce.
'I Want My Kidney Back' Says Doc
Richard Batista from Long Island in New York, US, says he wants the organ back or £2.1m ($1.5m).
The surgeon gave his wife Dawnell the kidney in 2001 after two previous failed transplants.
Dr Batista told the New York Daily News there is "no value you can put on an organ when it saves someone's life. There is no greater feeling on this planet."
He says he is only suing Dawnell to get her to act reasonably in the divorce case, claiming she is restricting access to their children, aged eight, 11 and 14.
Their relationship had been suffering due to the strain of his wife's medical issues, said Dr Batista.
"My first priority was to save her life," he said. "The second bonus was to turn the marriage around."
But it did not work and four years later she filed for divorce.
Arthur Caplan from the University of Pennsylvania's Centre for Bioethics said the likelihood of Dr Batista getting either his kidney or the money was "somewhere between impossible and completely impossible".
Medical ethicist Robert Veatch from Georgetown University said it was illegal for an organ to be exchanged for anything of value.
Organ donation is a gift which means you cannot legally get it back, he explained.
"It's her kidney now and taking the kidney out would mean she would have to go on dialysis or it would kill her," Mr Veatch said.
He insisted no reputable surgeon would perform such a procedure and no court could compel someone to undergo an operation.
'I Want My Kidney Back' Says Doc
Richard Batista from Long Island in New York, US, says he wants the organ back or £2.1m ($1.5m).
The surgeon gave his wife Dawnell the kidney in 2001 after two previous failed transplants.
Dr Batista told the New York Daily News there is "no value you can put on an organ when it saves someone's life. There is no greater feeling on this planet."
He says he is only suing Dawnell to get her to act reasonably in the divorce case, claiming she is restricting access to their children, aged eight, 11 and 14.
Their relationship had been suffering due to the strain of his wife's medical issues, said Dr Batista.
"My first priority was to save her life," he said. "The second bonus was to turn the marriage around."
But it did not work and four years later she filed for divorce.
Arthur Caplan from the University of Pennsylvania's Centre for Bioethics said the likelihood of Dr Batista getting either his kidney or the money was "somewhere between impossible and completely impossible".
Medical ethicist Robert Veatch from Georgetown University said it was illegal for an organ to be exchanged for anything of value.
Organ donation is a gift which means you cannot legally get it back, he explained.
"It's her kidney now and taking the kidney out would mean she would have to go on dialysis or it would kill her," Mr Veatch said.
He insisted no reputable surgeon would perform such a procedure and no court could compel someone to undergo an operation.
X Factor contestants not being ripped off at all
From the Yahoo news page... seems that X Factor winner who murdered Hallelujah is getting paid somewhere in the region of 150 quid a night. All the acts together will earn less than a grand, on a show that is grossing over half a million....
And that's on top of the much vaunted MILLION POUND CONTRACT which actually means that her cut + marketing + expenses + materials + production costs will come to more than a million. Her cut is rumoured to be around 100 grand....
Well done Mr Cowell, feed the cow and milk the cash. Well done my fellow countrymen who eat this crap up, year after year...
QUOTE
X Factor's Minimum Wage
Posted 41 minutes ago by Mitch Carter in The Guestlist
Despite becoming the first British female solo artist to sell over 1 million singles in the UK, Alexandra Burke is only earning £250 a night for live appearances according to the Daily Mail.
Her debut single Hallelujah outsold Leona Lewis' debut and is set to become the best-selling single by a female artist this decade, ousting current record-holder Kylie Minogue who has sold 1.1 million copies of Spinning Around.
Alexandra is currently performing alongside Laura White, Eoghan Quigg, Diana Vickers and Rachel Hylton as part of the X Factor tour. Her co-stars will receive a similar amount but boyband JLS will only earn £100 each per night for their performances.
Tax, a 20% management fee and expenses will also be deducted from their earnings.
Tickets for London's O2 arena start at £28.50 meaning a sold-out performance could earn organisers over half a million pounds.
UNQUOTE
And that's on top of the much vaunted MILLION POUND CONTRACT which actually means that her cut + marketing + expenses + materials + production costs will come to more than a million. Her cut is rumoured to be around 100 grand....
Well done Mr Cowell, feed the cow and milk the cash. Well done my fellow countrymen who eat this crap up, year after year...
QUOTE
X Factor's Minimum Wage
Posted 41 minutes ago by Mitch Carter in The Guestlist
Despite becoming the first British female solo artist to sell over 1 million singles in the UK, Alexandra Burke is only earning £250 a night for live appearances according to the Daily Mail.
Her debut single Hallelujah outsold Leona Lewis' debut and is set to become the best-selling single by a female artist this decade, ousting current record-holder Kylie Minogue who has sold 1.1 million copies of Spinning Around.
Alexandra is currently performing alongside Laura White, Eoghan Quigg, Diana Vickers and Rachel Hylton as part of the X Factor tour. Her co-stars will receive a similar amount but boyband JLS will only earn £100 each per night for their performances.
Tax, a 20% management fee and expenses will also be deducted from their earnings.
Tickets for London's O2 arena start at £28.50 meaning a sold-out performance could earn organisers over half a million pounds.
UNQUOTE
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
Israel and India
M'Learned friend Mr Mac argues with some persuasion http://jonnymacsplace.blogspot.com/ that Israel has the right to defend itself against an aggressive neighbour if it is certain that they are a threat to its security. I dont think there is any doubt left that Hamas is a threat to Israel, no one denies that, and therefore Israel seems justified in taking some military action to contain / remove that threat.
So how does one argue the case of India. The government there announced yesterday that the Mumbai massacre was organised within Pakistan, by Pakistanis, with the tacit approval of the Pakistani government - in that they know these paramilitary organisations exist within their borders and they do next to nothing to stop them. So the question is asked of the world - does India have the right to stage pre-emptive attacks against regions of Pakistan where they know terrorist training camps exist - where there are weapons and lunatics poised to inflict more killing on Indian civilians. Should India (a nuclear power) launch raids on Pakistan (another nuclear power) with the same justification as Israel?
Questions like this trouble me, and the idea of India wading into the North worries me...
So how does one argue the case of India. The government there announced yesterday that the Mumbai massacre was organised within Pakistan, by Pakistanis, with the tacit approval of the Pakistani government - in that they know these paramilitary organisations exist within their borders and they do next to nothing to stop them. So the question is asked of the world - does India have the right to stage pre-emptive attacks against regions of Pakistan where they know terrorist training camps exist - where there are weapons and lunatics poised to inflict more killing on Indian civilians. Should India (a nuclear power) launch raids on Pakistan (another nuclear power) with the same justification as Israel?
Questions like this trouble me, and the idea of India wading into the North worries me...
A tremendous day of news
Sat in Costa Coffee with the unemployed and old this morning, i thoroughly enjoyed the Independent, and thought i would share some of the highlights with you...
http://independent.co.uk
On the letters page they always put a daily statistic - normally along the lines of "273 - Average minutes a beetle can swim for in salt water." Amusing, whimsical, fun. This morning's made me choke on my coffee... 3645 people died in the UK last year in hospitals due to worker mistakes. So every year more people die from medical staff cocking up, than died in 9/11, or from drugs, or murders...
Peter Tatchell, celebrated Gay Rights campaigner who i admire for his work, especially in Zimbabwe, seems to be a bit short of things to get excited about. He has attacked the BBC for the "50 Most Annoying People" show, one of those talking heads things where micro celebrities slag each other off. Apparently Lindsay Lohan was one of them, and even though the annoying acts were her misbehaving and set up paparazzi shots, Tatchell has described the show as "Lesbophobic." What a great word.
Kraftwerk have lost one of their founder members, who wont be touring with them this year. He has appeared on all 4 of the band's albums released throughout their 40 year career. Now that is work rate. Poor bloke must be knackered, especially as the last album only came out 3 years ago. The idea of touring this soon after was madness...
Laura Bush, wife of the outgoing Satan in the US, has suffered the loss of her 18 year old cat, India. That itself is not news, but the fact that a Cairo based radio station which is normally reserved for Bin Laden's broadcasts and Al-Qaeda news, has started broadcasting round the clock taunts, celebrating the death of Bush's pet. I dont think even i would go that far...
And finally, a parish church in Yorkshire has put together a charity recipe book and managed to get Gordo and Dave to put forward their recipes. Dave goes for Tuscan sausage, while Gordo favours mozarella parcels. The food critic describes this as a "bit old hat." I say support the charity and dont use it as a way of attacking the politicians - they do little enough of any merit, so the fact they bothered with this should be saluted. And i am in no way biased because Mrs Dno has issued her own charity recipe book, featuring contributions from Michaela Strachan, Pat from Eastenders, Rula Lenska and Philip Schofield. Now that is good cooking... (although Michael Caine's cake was disappointing...)
And in news just in.... Golf clubs could damage your hearing... I will let the reader find out how...
http://independent.co.uk
On the letters page they always put a daily statistic - normally along the lines of "273 - Average minutes a beetle can swim for in salt water." Amusing, whimsical, fun. This morning's made me choke on my coffee... 3645 people died in the UK last year in hospitals due to worker mistakes. So every year more people die from medical staff cocking up, than died in 9/11, or from drugs, or murders...
Peter Tatchell, celebrated Gay Rights campaigner who i admire for his work, especially in Zimbabwe, seems to be a bit short of things to get excited about. He has attacked the BBC for the "50 Most Annoying People" show, one of those talking heads things where micro celebrities slag each other off. Apparently Lindsay Lohan was one of them, and even though the annoying acts were her misbehaving and set up paparazzi shots, Tatchell has described the show as "Lesbophobic." What a great word.
Kraftwerk have lost one of their founder members, who wont be touring with them this year. He has appeared on all 4 of the band's albums released throughout their 40 year career. Now that is work rate. Poor bloke must be knackered, especially as the last album only came out 3 years ago. The idea of touring this soon after was madness...
Laura Bush, wife of the outgoing Satan in the US, has suffered the loss of her 18 year old cat, India. That itself is not news, but the fact that a Cairo based radio station which is normally reserved for Bin Laden's broadcasts and Al-Qaeda news, has started broadcasting round the clock taunts, celebrating the death of Bush's pet. I dont think even i would go that far...
And finally, a parish church in Yorkshire has put together a charity recipe book and managed to get Gordo and Dave to put forward their recipes. Dave goes for Tuscan sausage, while Gordo favours mozarella parcels. The food critic describes this as a "bit old hat." I say support the charity and dont use it as a way of attacking the politicians - they do little enough of any merit, so the fact they bothered with this should be saluted. And i am in no way biased because Mrs Dno has issued her own charity recipe book, featuring contributions from Michaela Strachan, Pat from Eastenders, Rula Lenska and Philip Schofield. Now that is good cooking... (although Michael Caine's cake was disappointing...)
And in news just in.... Golf clubs could damage your hearing... I will let the reader find out how...
Saturday, 3 January 2009
New Forest Sanctuary
Your humble correspondent has gone under cover, and in order to bring you knowledge he has disguised himself as a resident at a health spa.
Its one of those places that women go dewey eyed over. Its a nice hotel, quaint old manor building in a cute little New Forest village, but attached to it is a modern eyesore - a bizarre mix of concrete, glass and bamboo - which claims to be an authentic Thai spa. http://www.careysmanor.com/
So what happens in this strange feminine world, where everyone strolls around in dressing gowns, and small Thai ladies in little black suits are probably the most genuinely happy and friendly people you have ever met - and all are keen to get your trousers off and rub in some strange smelling unction... We have been here 3 days now and it still makes no sense...
You start in the hydrotherapy pool, which to the uneducated eye (moi!) seems like a giant jacuzzi. There are bubble jets which shoot out the wall and hit you in the groin (extremely pleasant i will admit) and bubbles which erupt beneath you. The bubbles seem to attack your shorts which swell up into life jackets and force you onto your back to avoid the most painful of wedgies.... So we move from there to the Arctic Storm shower. Apparently the secret is hot / cold / hot / cold, so we soak ourselves in icey water and wander off in search of the herbal sauna. Hot. Hot hot hot. And why Thyme as a herb? Back to the Atlantic Ocean spray so we can go into the steam room. Quite literally, and i hate that word, a room full of steam. Whoever thought i needed help to sweat was alas much mistaken. But sweat i do, and from there its in to the Caribbean Rain shower. I have no idea what the difference between all these geographical showers is supposed to be - they are all just cold water! The wife has taken a shine to the ice machine and tipping the bucket of cold water over her head, will update later if there is any noticeable improvement thanks to this technique... Madness i call it.
And then to the one i do like - the Tepidarium. Basically warm benches in a cool room. Which you just have to lay on. And who said being healthy wasnt fun. The hard work done its obviously back to the cold showers, a bit more Giant Jacuzzi and then off to the changing rooms...
The rest area is lovely, all smoothies, gift shop and sofas, but you sign it to the room and slurp the smoothy, and the world seems a long long way away...
You can also get what are referred to as treatments, but are really just ways of getting nice little ladies to paw you with oil. The foot massage was lovely, the blindfold that little touch that made it even more personal. The Swedish massage was wonderful, again the blindfold a great idea, so you have no idea who is tucking your bits back between your legs and leaning over your chest with your arm stuck between her and the bed... And this was booked by my wife??? All very above board apparently, and you get a little card that tells you what the oil was so you can buy it in the gift shop. Searched in vain for the little box to tick for Happy Finish, and little Pao delivered me back to the reception with her honour intact. Very enjoyable, not sure if it was really good for me, but very pleasurable!
So what has your roving reporter discovered then? That he can get a new key by waving one at reception and just saying "Six" (our room number) to a receptionist he has never met. I will be returning next week with a large van and some boxes.
The French restaurant has imported some genuine snotty French waiters. When remarking that the red pepper risotto was in fact a mushroom one, i was told that Chef often changes his mind half way through cooking...
The local tea shop does a cracking cream tea, and is teddy bear themed. To get the waitress' attention, one sits a little teddy on top of a stick on the table. Genius :) And the young girls in little French maid outfits (with blue nail varnish) are always welcome servers.
Christchurch is Basildon on sea with marinas. Thats like putting an Aston Martin garage in Bewbush,
The ponies of the New Forest are cute. They wander everywhere, and most houses have a gate and a cattle grid. They have right of way through the village, and i have never seen so much horse poo.
And most importantly, Southend got a draw at Chelsea. At almost exactly the moment little Pao was oiling my thigh, Peter Clarke was equalising at Stamford Bridge.... some days are better than others...
Its one of those places that women go dewey eyed over. Its a nice hotel, quaint old manor building in a cute little New Forest village, but attached to it is a modern eyesore - a bizarre mix of concrete, glass and bamboo - which claims to be an authentic Thai spa. http://www.careysmanor.com/
So what happens in this strange feminine world, where everyone strolls around in dressing gowns, and small Thai ladies in little black suits are probably the most genuinely happy and friendly people you have ever met - and all are keen to get your trousers off and rub in some strange smelling unction... We have been here 3 days now and it still makes no sense...
You start in the hydrotherapy pool, which to the uneducated eye (moi!) seems like a giant jacuzzi. There are bubble jets which shoot out the wall and hit you in the groin (extremely pleasant i will admit) and bubbles which erupt beneath you. The bubbles seem to attack your shorts which swell up into life jackets and force you onto your back to avoid the most painful of wedgies.... So we move from there to the Arctic Storm shower. Apparently the secret is hot / cold / hot / cold, so we soak ourselves in icey water and wander off in search of the herbal sauna. Hot. Hot hot hot. And why Thyme as a herb? Back to the Atlantic Ocean spray so we can go into the steam room. Quite literally, and i hate that word, a room full of steam. Whoever thought i needed help to sweat was alas much mistaken. But sweat i do, and from there its in to the Caribbean Rain shower. I have no idea what the difference between all these geographical showers is supposed to be - they are all just cold water! The wife has taken a shine to the ice machine and tipping the bucket of cold water over her head, will update later if there is any noticeable improvement thanks to this technique... Madness i call it.
And then to the one i do like - the Tepidarium. Basically warm benches in a cool room. Which you just have to lay on. And who said being healthy wasnt fun. The hard work done its obviously back to the cold showers, a bit more Giant Jacuzzi and then off to the changing rooms...
The rest area is lovely, all smoothies, gift shop and sofas, but you sign it to the room and slurp the smoothy, and the world seems a long long way away...
You can also get what are referred to as treatments, but are really just ways of getting nice little ladies to paw you with oil. The foot massage was lovely, the blindfold that little touch that made it even more personal. The Swedish massage was wonderful, again the blindfold a great idea, so you have no idea who is tucking your bits back between your legs and leaning over your chest with your arm stuck between her and the bed... And this was booked by my wife??? All very above board apparently, and you get a little card that tells you what the oil was so you can buy it in the gift shop. Searched in vain for the little box to tick for Happy Finish, and little Pao delivered me back to the reception with her honour intact. Very enjoyable, not sure if it was really good for me, but very pleasurable!
So what has your roving reporter discovered then? That he can get a new key by waving one at reception and just saying "Six" (our room number) to a receptionist he has never met. I will be returning next week with a large van and some boxes.
The French restaurant has imported some genuine snotty French waiters. When remarking that the red pepper risotto was in fact a mushroom one, i was told that Chef often changes his mind half way through cooking...
The local tea shop does a cracking cream tea, and is teddy bear themed. To get the waitress' attention, one sits a little teddy on top of a stick on the table. Genius :) And the young girls in little French maid outfits (with blue nail varnish) are always welcome servers.
Christchurch is Basildon on sea with marinas. Thats like putting an Aston Martin garage in Bewbush,
The ponies of the New Forest are cute. They wander everywhere, and most houses have a gate and a cattle grid. They have right of way through the village, and i have never seen so much horse poo.
And most importantly, Southend got a draw at Chelsea. At almost exactly the moment little Pao was oiling my thigh, Peter Clarke was equalising at Stamford Bridge.... some days are better than others...
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