Saturday 30 May 2009

Team Excellence

Good news readers, your humble correspondent has been nominated at work for the Team Excellence award. He is one of only 53 people in his team that have been nominated, and while recognising the others probably do something he is happy to accept that his efforts alone have been sufficient to merit the award.
Some of the criteria we will be judged on include the following:
- Embrace Partnership Equity
- Think WE, not ME
- Be humble (ok team, i've got this one)
- Operate with managerial courage
- Leverage the solution advantage
- Develop the global community as a strategic asset.
I know you are all excited to know how we get on, so will keep you up to date as things develop.
Hopefully if we do triumph we can write a team song to sing every morning to celebrate our success. Oh, and the prize if we win? They take a photo of our American team members and put it on a website. Coooooolllllll!

Thursday 28 May 2009

Lion Man - what a mess!

Craig Busch - the Lion Man from New Zealand. Star of the show of that name and owner of Zion Wildlife Park, home of 40+ big cats....
was all going so well as the star of the show that Mrs dNo enjoyed so much on Sky3.
Until it ended abruptly.. why so we thought? On to Google we went...
"Lion Man found guilty of assault." Apparently a year after they split up he broke into his ex girlfriend's house and found her in bed with TWO other people. One was a lady called Hermes. Went a bit mad, and was fined $8000 for "unlawful sexual connection."
Ok,so he was good with animals, we all loved him, he carried on at the park...
"Lion Man park closed by government over concerns for animal welfare." Govt inspectors took control of the park, and were so concerned with some of the animals that they were thinking at one stage of having all the cats put down.
The outcome of this - Craig's mum somehow got control of the park. And sacked him. She tried to change the locks on the front gate one night, he got angry, and police were called again when he threatened to release the tigers...
Two days ago his appeal was thrown out, and the park was released to his mother. And he was banned from going there. And then yesterday Abu the white tiger attacked and killed Dalu, the African keeper who had been heavily featured on the TV show. It is very strange timing, and you have to assume the tiger was not commenting on the court case...
So Lion Man is now lionless. He is out of work, out of his home, his mum hates him, and his ex has most of his money and she is sleeping with a woman called Hermes.
The cats looked great on the telly though.
And seriously, thoughts go out to Dalu's family, he seemed to be a genuinely nice guy who got killed doing what he loved.

Dublin. Just like my fun keeps. Dublin. Doubling. Do you see what i did...

So what have we learnt?
This travelling game is fun isnt it? Four weeks now in Dublin, and it is getting a little tedious. Its nice to be in a country where the people are friendly, they talk the same language and you can always get decent food (so different to America). Comes a time though when thoughts turn to home, and thats always hard. Miss my woman - a strange thing which no one seems to understand. Why is it so strange to want to be at home snuggled on the sofa or walking the dogs, talking crap and just sharing space...
Every day in the office i have to offer my advice and opinion and see the herd trample it underfoot in their efforts to do the complete opposite. And then i have to explain patiently why what they did broke the system. And then have to find a workaround so that they can carry on doing what they are doing. Ethically i have found this contract quite difficult, as various practices do not look meet my standards. I have put my concerns in writing, but no one here has a loud enough voice to make a difference, and most of them seem to like it that way. I was always trained about the "subsequent board of enquiry" - would i be able to stand in the dock and say i had no guilty conscience about the pilot being tired when he landed in the side of the hill... Maybe that's just me. By refusing to help with these things am i doing the right thing, or should i just do whatever the customer wants? Sometimes its hard to think of the crew as humans, and not just employee numbers. And here they have completely lost sight of the idea that passengers are any more than just seats filled as against seats empty. Its sad, as the future of airlines of this size rely on the passion and professionalism of its people, and you see less of both all the time. The Mothership will soon descend from the sky and swallow up this little enclave, and apart from a few dozen locals no one will shed too many tears. New jobs will be found by the majority, new careers they never dreamed of, or crappy jobs they never wanted. Their friends will rally round, and the pilots will all piss off to the next island contract where tax breaks and free housing will make this all a distant memory...
When XL went under it was the end of the world for many, lost and bewildered and not sure how to cope with not seeing so many friends every day, and wondering how to pay the bills. It was talk of the town for a week, and then people moved on. A cluster of old employees kept fighting, kept believing it would be born again... and then people moved on, and soon it became just another former airline. Another DanAir, Caledonian, Laker...
So from this downbeat mood new determination arises to start something new. To get involved in something more positive, more useful. I need to deal with people who want to change things. When project managers run away from change then I know I am in the wrong building. I need to change the world. I need to be with people who want to listen to new ideas, who want to change their minds when they meet a good idea...

Maybe i should stand for parliament?

Wednesday 13 May 2009

MPs... well you have to mention it

And i think all you need to do is tip the hat to Douglas Hogg MP.
Just over 2 grand to have his moat cleaned. Yes, his moat.

So how to fix it? Simple, treat them like we treat airline crew.
Firstly reduce their salary to 50k, and then hopefully only those who actually want to work rather than earn would run for the job.
Secondly, the House sets up a travel department, which organises air and train tickets, and hotel rooms in London near Westminster.
The MP calls them and says "I will be attending tomorrow and whenever," and they book him travel and a room.
Receipts for food, or maybe even a per diem.

Take away the profit motive. After all, why on earth should there be a profit motive. Why should it be a job for life? If you want to serve, you will stay. If you want to take the cash, then take the directorships now.

Sometimes we make things too complicated, and thats when loopholes appear...

Peter and Jordan


I apologise for no recent blogs, but the news of Peter Andre and Katie "Jordan" Price splitting has left me devestated.
Coming so soon after the death of Jade, Princess of our Tarts, it has left me short in the heroes and role models department.
Where once I had Diana who could wear really expensive dresses and have her hair done so nicely that she looked like a Princess, now there is only Kate Winslett.
Where i used to dream of being as clever and quick witted as David Beckham, now i dream only of beating Wayne Rooney at Connect 4.
In olden days i could rely on Mariah Carey not doing stairs. I knew that Ben Kingsley would remind me to call him Sir Ben. It was taken as read that Naomi Campbell was chucking phones and in court...
Then Jade died, and although the queue for pies got a lot shorter something inside me was hurting. Even the reforming of Spandau Ballet couldnt ease the pain...
And now this. Now this...
If i can quote from our 3 leading newspaper front pages this morning (and apologies if they are the wrong way round):
The Sun: PETER MUST BE GAY BECAUSE HE WONT SLEEP WITH ME
The Star: PETER: I'M CELIBATE GET ME OUT OF HERE - JORDAN DOESNT WANT SEX
The Other One: JORDAN - TAKE ME BACK I'LL DO ANYTHING.

Please, Peter. Please. For all of us out here who need you. Who need JordAnDre (did you see what i did there?) to be there. Even though you cant hear our silent screams of adulation, know that we love you. We wish you all the best. And we truly wish you get the privacy and peace that you deserve. The thought of 2 teams of publicists signing multi million pound deals without your consent is a horrible thought.

We love you both.

Monday 4 May 2009

Welcome Squiffy



Please welcome Squiffy, fresh from the Cats' Protection League, with his heart murmur, missing teeth, displaced trachea (???) and cystitis. And aggressive attitude. And clumps of hair falling out... But welcome the old boy anyway...