Have just heard the terrible news that XL Germany have lost an aircraft. Aviation is a cruel industry where accidents, incidents and closures can happen with no warning and often no reason. At moments like this it is essential to gather information and facts, and keep the speculation to a minimum.
I worked with the Captain many times, and he was a very capable pilot, and a good human too - something i dont say lightly when pilots are involved. He will be a huge loss to his family and to XL Germany, and to aviation as a whole. Sympathies also to the other families involved.
Friday 28 November 2008
Terror Fatigue
I have to admit that events in Mumbai have not moved me the way they should.
I woke up yesterday to find an email from my Chairman expressing sympathy with the people of India and solidarity with their plight, and then advising us not to go near the place. Strange, i thought, must be like Mandy commenting on Strictly Come Dancing or Gordon Brown telling off Russell Brand...
So i turned on the tv, and was immediately confronted by pictures of burning hotels and crying locals, while a suit shouted down a dodgy phone line that "its impossible to say how many Britons are involved." The ticker along the bottom said there were 100 dead, but it seemed on every channel that this number was irrelevant and meaningless until it could have a little asterisk attached with the phrase "x Britons among the dead." I have ranted before about how many foreign lives equal one Englishman, and it does seem that man made disasters are the natural home of this racism. Floods, earthquakes and tsunamis all seem to touch some human spirit and people respond to the "1000s dead" without demanding to know how many were English.
Yesterday the woman reading the BBC news almost fainted with excitement when they confirmed that one of the dead was German. And later when the first Englishman was confirmed no one seemed to care it was someone who had lived in India for most of his life, was dark skinned and spoke the local language. The terrorists would not have known he was not local, but for the news anchors this was the biggest moment of the day.
So i turned off the news.
Enough terrorist destruction for one day, i thought of the low paid, exploited hotel workers who had been cruelly and stupidly killed, and I carried on my pampered life....
I woke up yesterday to find an email from my Chairman expressing sympathy with the people of India and solidarity with their plight, and then advising us not to go near the place. Strange, i thought, must be like Mandy commenting on Strictly Come Dancing or Gordon Brown telling off Russell Brand...
So i turned on the tv, and was immediately confronted by pictures of burning hotels and crying locals, while a suit shouted down a dodgy phone line that "its impossible to say how many Britons are involved." The ticker along the bottom said there were 100 dead, but it seemed on every channel that this number was irrelevant and meaningless until it could have a little asterisk attached with the phrase "x Britons among the dead." I have ranted before about how many foreign lives equal one Englishman, and it does seem that man made disasters are the natural home of this racism. Floods, earthquakes and tsunamis all seem to touch some human spirit and people respond to the "1000s dead" without demanding to know how many were English.
Yesterday the woman reading the BBC news almost fainted with excitement when they confirmed that one of the dead was German. And later when the first Englishman was confirmed no one seemed to care it was someone who had lived in India for most of his life, was dark skinned and spoke the local language. The terrorists would not have known he was not local, but for the news anchors this was the biggest moment of the day.
So i turned off the news.
Enough terrorist destruction for one day, i thought of the low paid, exploited hotel workers who had been cruelly and stupidly killed, and I carried on my pampered life....
Wednesday 19 November 2008
Sealing Wax and Sailing Ships
As the Walrus said...
Its my last night in Australia and it seems to have come round quite quickly. The training is finished so i have done my last day in the little hut at the abandoned airport. Essendon is a strange place - its size suggests that once it was a thriving travel centre, a flurry of DC3s, Electras and the odd 727 which whisked the good people of Victoria off to exciting places with stupid names - Wangaratta, Ballarat, Mangalore, Mallacoota and Wycheproof (and thats just in the same state). Now it lies hauntingly empty, with a check in desk at one end of the 300 foot long building, a tea hut in the middle and nothing at the other end. There are closed shops in the middle of the concourse creating little alley ways a bit like Melbourne itself, but they never open and no one ever comes to try them. It wouldnt surprise you if Scooby and Shaggy came running round the corner shouting "Yoiks" pursued by a gnarled old cleaner who doesnt want the developpers to move in...
And communication is at a minimum to say the least. The only internet site i can access is webmail - and the guys are telling me that emails are taking 12 hours to arrive. I can phone from English mobile to English mobile (there is no landline) but there is a huge echo and delay that isnt normally there, and it probably costs a bailout every minute.
So back to the hotel where i discover that checkout tomorrow is 11am.. This will need some planning as my flight is at 2359, and i am supposed to do an office day in there somewhere... They will let me use the gym as a bathroom - i assume there is a changing room or something and they are not just encouraging me to pee on the treadmill??? - so i guess i'm preparing for a 24 hour flight in a gym changing room?
I have enjoyed Melbourne, its been a warm, welcoming place, and i have certainly shouted at fewer people this week for gross incompetence. No apologies to the taxi firm who managed in 14 bookings to produce 4 no shows and 8 late taxis - 2 on time! Today both turned up half an hour early with DO NOT BE LATE written in marker pen on their trip sheets. Just cos i ripped into the boss yesterday and reminded him we spend all day with the guys who choose which taxi company to ring... And no apologies to the barista in the fancy coffee shop who responded to my request for a coffee and sparkling water by telling me to sit down. So i did. 10 minutes later I returned to the bar and asked if i could have my drinks. He said yes, sit down. 10 minutes later i was brought a coffee. I followed him back to the counter and asked if i could also have my sparkling water. In an act of genius he wandered off to my table and collected the coffee. He then took it to his boss, told him the customer wanted coffee and sparkling water, and how much should he add... It was gently pointed out to him that they go in separate glasses. So he took a bottle of water off the shelf and handed it to me. It was warmer than the coffee. I cut my losses and left. Other than that i have had to do remarkably little educating of the unwashed masses, which is good as i needed a break. Maybe they are learning and teaching each other....
So, a shame to leave this wonderful town, but its a lovely feeling to be on the way home. My baby has had to deal with broken cars, broken roads, broken bathrooms, children, work and dirty dogs. And she needs a little break, so its good to be going home to see her again. Will be wonderful to catch up, light the fire, watch the dogs wrestle and hear the cat miaow. Its the best destination there could possibly be, so i dont care how long the flight is, i dont care if i dont get business. I'm going to see my woman!
Its my last night in Australia and it seems to have come round quite quickly. The training is finished so i have done my last day in the little hut at the abandoned airport. Essendon is a strange place - its size suggests that once it was a thriving travel centre, a flurry of DC3s, Electras and the odd 727 which whisked the good people of Victoria off to exciting places with stupid names - Wangaratta, Ballarat, Mangalore, Mallacoota and Wycheproof (and thats just in the same state). Now it lies hauntingly empty, with a check in desk at one end of the 300 foot long building, a tea hut in the middle and nothing at the other end. There are closed shops in the middle of the concourse creating little alley ways a bit like Melbourne itself, but they never open and no one ever comes to try them. It wouldnt surprise you if Scooby and Shaggy came running round the corner shouting "Yoiks" pursued by a gnarled old cleaner who doesnt want the developpers to move in...
And communication is at a minimum to say the least. The only internet site i can access is webmail - and the guys are telling me that emails are taking 12 hours to arrive. I can phone from English mobile to English mobile (there is no landline) but there is a huge echo and delay that isnt normally there, and it probably costs a bailout every minute.
So back to the hotel where i discover that checkout tomorrow is 11am.. This will need some planning as my flight is at 2359, and i am supposed to do an office day in there somewhere... They will let me use the gym as a bathroom - i assume there is a changing room or something and they are not just encouraging me to pee on the treadmill??? - so i guess i'm preparing for a 24 hour flight in a gym changing room?
I have enjoyed Melbourne, its been a warm, welcoming place, and i have certainly shouted at fewer people this week for gross incompetence. No apologies to the taxi firm who managed in 14 bookings to produce 4 no shows and 8 late taxis - 2 on time! Today both turned up half an hour early with DO NOT BE LATE written in marker pen on their trip sheets. Just cos i ripped into the boss yesterday and reminded him we spend all day with the guys who choose which taxi company to ring... And no apologies to the barista in the fancy coffee shop who responded to my request for a coffee and sparkling water by telling me to sit down. So i did. 10 minutes later I returned to the bar and asked if i could have my drinks. He said yes, sit down. 10 minutes later i was brought a coffee. I followed him back to the counter and asked if i could also have my sparkling water. In an act of genius he wandered off to my table and collected the coffee. He then took it to his boss, told him the customer wanted coffee and sparkling water, and how much should he add... It was gently pointed out to him that they go in separate glasses. So he took a bottle of water off the shelf and handed it to me. It was warmer than the coffee. I cut my losses and left. Other than that i have had to do remarkably little educating of the unwashed masses, which is good as i needed a break. Maybe they are learning and teaching each other....
So, a shame to leave this wonderful town, but its a lovely feeling to be on the way home. My baby has had to deal with broken cars, broken roads, broken bathrooms, children, work and dirty dogs. And she needs a little break, so its good to be going home to see her again. Will be wonderful to catch up, light the fire, watch the dogs wrestle and hear the cat miaow. Its the best destination there could possibly be, so i dont care how long the flight is, i dont care if i dont get business. I'm going to see my woman!
Sunday 16 November 2008
Sunday wandering around Melbourne
Have uploaded a lot of photos to the Facebook page - and if you havent signed up for Facebook yet then it really is about time!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=45030&id=710997529
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=45032&id=710997529&ref=nf
Not sure if that link works if you're not signed up, but hopefully it will!
The Botanical Gardens were a magical place, full of families with children and dogs running around, but still with more than enough space to be alone, to follow little paths between trees and stumble across glorious bursts of colour and light. Probably smelt great too if you have a sense of smell...
The Shrine was a different kind of magic. One of the most serene and beautiful buildings i have seen in. Built in the 20s to honour Victoria's men and women who served overseas, it is a huge imposing structure, yet somehow intimate and fitting. The concrete steps and marble pillars speak in soft yet mighty tones to the unimaginable sacrifices these people made. It wasnt even their war, yet over 100,000 volunteered, in an era when Europe was a month away at least. Nearly 20,000 didnt return, and those who did must have been scarred and scared until the day they died. Every hour they shine the light over the capstone reading "no greater love hath man" - just as the sun naturally falls on November 11th at 11am - and play the last post. How anyone who knows it can listen to the words that follow and not shed a silent tear... Lest we forget indeed. And talking to one of the guides, a Scottish veteran of serious years, it appears that the sensitive Ozzies have recently reduced the silence from 2 minutes to 1. Because it falls on a work day and 2 minutes is too long to lose. So the veterans here have taken to hiring buglers at 10.59 to walk into the middle of busy intersections and stop the traffic, and force the world to stop for the full 2 minutes. Good luck to them, and let us pray to whatever God or monkey we believe in, that one day these stupid, stupid sacrifices will come to an end.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=45030&id=710997529
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=45032&id=710997529&ref=nf
Not sure if that link works if you're not signed up, but hopefully it will!
The Botanical Gardens were a magical place, full of families with children and dogs running around, but still with more than enough space to be alone, to follow little paths between trees and stumble across glorious bursts of colour and light. Probably smelt great too if you have a sense of smell...
The Shrine was a different kind of magic. One of the most serene and beautiful buildings i have seen in. Built in the 20s to honour Victoria's men and women who served overseas, it is a huge imposing structure, yet somehow intimate and fitting. The concrete steps and marble pillars speak in soft yet mighty tones to the unimaginable sacrifices these people made. It wasnt even their war, yet over 100,000 volunteered, in an era when Europe was a month away at least. Nearly 20,000 didnt return, and those who did must have been scarred and scared until the day they died. Every hour they shine the light over the capstone reading "no greater love hath man" - just as the sun naturally falls on November 11th at 11am - and play the last post. How anyone who knows it can listen to the words that follow and not shed a silent tear... Lest we forget indeed. And talking to one of the guides, a Scottish veteran of serious years, it appears that the sensitive Ozzies have recently reduced the silence from 2 minutes to 1. Because it falls on a work day and 2 minutes is too long to lose. So the veterans here have taken to hiring buglers at 10.59 to walk into the middle of busy intersections and stop the traffic, and force the world to stop for the full 2 minutes. Good luck to them, and let us pray to whatever God or monkey we believe in, that one day these stupid, stupid sacrifices will come to an end.
Saturday 15 November 2008
Christmas Parade
Its mid November, 30 something degrees and a 100 foot long Chinese dragon has just meandered down the road, as thousands of kids push against the barriers waving and screaming. Must be the Melbourne Christmas Parade. Seems like Christmas has been bought by Myers department store in this town - there is the Myers Christmas Santa Grotto, the Myers Christmas Windows, the Myers Christmas Parade... Although they did have a 40% off day last weekend which enabled me to pick up a great new laptop bag so i do forgive them...
Some snippets from the news this morning:
BBC - Barack may offer a job to Bill Richardson (excellent idea - the Hispanic governor of NM impressed me in the primaries.) He is described as a "former permanent representative to the UN". How does that work then?
ABC - Melbourne Police tell pedestrians to take more care crossing the road. Especially the "young, old and inebriated." While in Tasmania, there is a memorial service to remember the "victims of road trauma." Its not noted whether this is only pedestrians, or whether they also remember drivers.
Russians have stolen a church. Apparently, brick by brick over a few years. How can you not notice a whole church disappearing??
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/11/13/2418156.htm
No comment needed on the next one:
NEW DELHI (AFP) - A media campaign featuring a mobile phone ringtone that sings "condom condom" has pushed up sale of the contraceptive by 85 million in six months.
Children In Need. Am I the only person completely and totally disinterested in this? Well done on raising 2o million. Thats roughly a pound, maybe two, for every child in the country. That'll work then. If it does save one child from abuse, poverty or boredom then you have to wonder why the government isnt doing it. We can give hundreds of billions to banks, but dont have 20 million to look after suffering children. What sort of person makes that decision???
Phil Tufnell has tipped Joe Swash to win I'm a Celebrity... Joe who??? Sometimes its good to be out of touch, cos i've seen what passes for celebrity and the people who obsess over it and i do not want to be in that herd... Ever since the day in the Boots queue where they had 2 celebrity magazines side by side, both with huge EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW headlines...
"Jordan - my year from hell"
"Jordan - the best year of my life"
Some snippets from the news this morning:
BBC - Barack may offer a job to Bill Richardson (excellent idea - the Hispanic governor of NM impressed me in the primaries.) He is described as a "former permanent representative to the UN". How does that work then?
ABC - Melbourne Police tell pedestrians to take more care crossing the road. Especially the "young, old and inebriated." While in Tasmania, there is a memorial service to remember the "victims of road trauma." Its not noted whether this is only pedestrians, or whether they also remember drivers.
Russians have stolen a church. Apparently, brick by brick over a few years. How can you not notice a whole church disappearing??
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/11/13/2418156.htm
No comment needed on the next one:
NEW DELHI (AFP) - A media campaign featuring a mobile phone ringtone that sings "condom condom" has pushed up sale of the contraceptive by 85 million in six months.
Children In Need. Am I the only person completely and totally disinterested in this? Well done on raising 2o million. Thats roughly a pound, maybe two, for every child in the country. That'll work then. If it does save one child from abuse, poverty or boredom then you have to wonder why the government isnt doing it. We can give hundreds of billions to banks, but dont have 20 million to look after suffering children. What sort of person makes that decision???
Phil Tufnell has tipped Joe Swash to win I'm a Celebrity... Joe who??? Sometimes its good to be out of touch, cos i've seen what passes for celebrity and the people who obsess over it and i do not want to be in that herd... Ever since the day in the Boots queue where they had 2 celebrity magazines side by side, both with huge EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW headlines...
"Jordan - my year from hell"
"Jordan - the best year of my life"
Friday 14 November 2008
Good news on the War on Terrorism
OK, its seven years since we started the war on terror, and 12 since Osama was named as the US' most wanted man for the first time after the embassy attacks in Africa.
Here is the CIA report on how they are getting on:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7728551.stm
To summarise for my busy reader:
1/ Osama is not in day to day control of Al-Qaeda
2/ he is probably in Pakistan (which is why the Americans are in Afghanistan and bombing Syria no doubt)
3/ Al-Qaeda is SPREADING
4/ Osama is "putting a lot of energy into his own survival."
And who exactly isnt??? Maybe Suicidal Sid and Kerry Katona but the rest of us do make the effort most days not to die...
5/ "If there is a major strike on the US it will bear the fingerprints of Al-Qaeda"?????
HOW THE HELL CAN HE SAY THAT BEFORE IT HAPPENS??? You sure it wont just be some pissed off Iraqis who are fed up with their families being killed? Wont be Tamil Tigers? COlombian drug lords fed up with American interference. And of course it wont be any home grown Americans, they dont have any guns... Isnt this how we got into Iraq in the first place - the Neo-Cons telling everyone it was Saddam with his nuclear ice cream vans...
6/ Al-Qaeda is LESS active in Iraq.
Before we went in it wasnt ANY ACTIVE.
7/ A-Q is MORE active in East Africa, Yemen and Pakistan
8/ His death would have "a significant impact on the confidence of unaffiliated extremists". i thought he just said ANY attack would be the work of A-Q so who are these unaffiliated guys?
Apparently it is unclear if Obama will keep the CIA director after he takes over. Seems a shoo in as they have done such a good job so far. Excellent report writing and very honest. So the scores on the door after 7 years of war:
USA 0 - 5 Abstract Nouns
( War on abstract nouns (c)Chris Morris - http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2002/mar/17/september11.terrorism )
Here is the CIA report on how they are getting on:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7728551.stm
To summarise for my busy reader:
1/ Osama is not in day to day control of Al-Qaeda
2/ he is probably in Pakistan (which is why the Americans are in Afghanistan and bombing Syria no doubt)
3/ Al-Qaeda is SPREADING
4/ Osama is "putting a lot of energy into his own survival."
And who exactly isnt??? Maybe Suicidal Sid and Kerry Katona but the rest of us do make the effort most days not to die...
5/ "If there is a major strike on the US it will bear the fingerprints of Al-Qaeda"?????
HOW THE HELL CAN HE SAY THAT BEFORE IT HAPPENS??? You sure it wont just be some pissed off Iraqis who are fed up with their families being killed? Wont be Tamil Tigers? COlombian drug lords fed up with American interference. And of course it wont be any home grown Americans, they dont have any guns... Isnt this how we got into Iraq in the first place - the Neo-Cons telling everyone it was Saddam with his nuclear ice cream vans...
6/ Al-Qaeda is LESS active in Iraq.
Before we went in it wasnt ANY ACTIVE.
7/ A-Q is MORE active in East Africa, Yemen and Pakistan
8/ His death would have "a significant impact on the confidence of unaffiliated extremists". i thought he just said ANY attack would be the work of A-Q so who are these unaffiliated guys?
Apparently it is unclear if Obama will keep the CIA director after he takes over. Seems a shoo in as they have done such a good job so far. Excellent report writing and very honest. So the scores on the door after 7 years of war:
USA 0 - 5 Abstract Nouns
( War on abstract nouns (c)Chris Morris - http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2002/mar/17/september11.terrorism )
Nostalgia is a four legged beastie
A colleague uploaded this on his Facebook home page, and i have since played it about a dozen times. Loved this when i was younger, and watching it again brought a big smile to my face, and a tiny invisible tear to my eye!
Have been wondering what to do with Monty - guide dog, bomb disposal dog, reading dog for blind people with no fingers, financial analyst... Now i know - he will be tasked with travelling the world (as he does most days anyway) and helping strangers, solving crime and finding hidden treasure (and if i remember correctly even driving cars when old men have had heart attacks and a little boy has fallen off his bike into the road...)
And be back in time for tea...
Thursday 13 November 2008
Its evening and people are waking up soon - especially my baby!
A long way from home the weather here has taken a turn for the weird. Its 32' in the shade, and shade is all there is... Its cloudy and overcast, and there is a 50mph wind howling through the streets, but its somehow made it to 32' and almost 100% humidity. Tomorrow the forecast is 19' and heavy rain.
This is not polar bear weather. And the educated reader will know that if you had to pick an animal that your author most resembled, it would be more in the polar bear area than the antelope department that one would search. Built for the colder climate, i have spent many a summer avoiding the sun whilst laying down fat for the winter, and have successfully managed to grow an all over layer of fur to fend off the very fiercest Northerlies.
And 'tis a long walk back from the doctor, who wondered why i had bothered to come and see him. He read the notes from Monday and then phoned the lab who informed him that no trace of anything had been found. Rather than declare me a medical curiosity and have me stuffed and sent to the museum, he instead very charmingly accused me of wasting his time and demonstrated with much politeness which of the available exits would be the best for me to use. Ah the pleasure of being the last appointment of a bored doctor's day!
So back to the oak panelled reception where the leather sofas and ferocious air conditioning lull you into comfort as the smiling assassin behind the desk seizes $50 from you, for the wonderful pleasure of being dismissed by Dr Really-Nicebloke. For the first time this week my thumb stands naked to the world, and apart from being a strange orange colour looks much better. I think, again for the first time this week, that i will live. And live a good, full life, free from the fear of sudden thumb death syndrome...
As you would expect, this brush with mortality (stop tutting, you really can die of a sore thumb, probably, somehow) makes you question life, makes you aware of the transient nature of all of us. Walking through streets with buildings as old as the nation, aware you are in a country with people older than time who celebrate Gods who walked the earth a billion years ago... Melbourne is a delicious contrast of old buildings and young people. Its remarkable just how young the people are - its actually surprising to see someone over 50. There are so many students and backpackers here that the average age in the City must be something in the 20s. And summer is a cummin' in, so, in the words of Bruce, girls in their summer clothes pass me by... It makes you feel young, makes you smile inside, and reminds you that your sweaty beetroot face is probably scaring a lot of very innocent passers by! There is a huge Asian population, who dont seem to be permanent, but do seem to be everywhere. Australia is still importing people at a huge rate, and has publicly stated it wants more, and you notice when working and living amongst the 2nd and 3rd generation imports that this does create some tension.
And being in Oz reminds me of the last time i was here, when a casual phone call home brought news of mum in hospital, dad crying, doctors concerned, time short... A frantic weekend of charging for home - 12,000 miles via LA and Chicago and a desperate, terrified time with no contact and no reassurance, not knowing what would greet me... And in the end a smiling mum showing absolutely no sign of any illness which was at once relief and release, and guilt at wondering whether we could have had another 3 months Down Under...
And this time is different. This time i left the wife behind, and this time i am in touch and talking several times a day. Its hard enough trying to work out the time difference without then trying to work out whether its a good or bad time to call. The excitement and joy from hearing a little hello from the other end is wonderful, knowing that your wife is happy and safe, knowing the boys got home from school, knowing that the dogs have finally decided to come home... Just the news that the chimneys didnt blow down in the night, that a neighbour has popped round for coffee, and that we have a spare bag of tile adhesive for the weekend... these things seem at home like boring and unimportant, things that are almost too embarrassingly banal to report. But for those of us a moon away they are the wonderful, glorious anchors that tie us to somewhere and someone special. There is no greater pleasure at this distance than to hear your baby's voice, and picture her there in woolly pyjamas, tucked up under the duvet with the cat saying miaow all over the place... or to hear the wind in the phone as she wastes her time calling Monty back across the field.... or just to hear that "nothing, really" has happened, again, for the fourth time this week.
I'm working with good kind people who are genuinely interestered in who I am, where i come from, what i do... And its a real pleasure to tell them - i'm not Dean from Sabre, I'm Dean from Henfield who is married to Kitty, with boys and dogs and a little house in the country. And its the stupid little stories they want to hear, the boring nothing happeneds, and i tell them, and get a little glow inside. Its an ordinary life, turned extraordinary by the house we live in, the job i do, and the path i walked to get here. But I'm glad i drove tanks, hot air ballooned across the desert, saw tigers and rhinos, had sunrise at Monument Valley, and all the rare, exciting, life changing moments that made me who I am... but dont ask me to change my life now. Having that solid base, of a loving, devoted wife, a little family of my own, and finally a house to call my own... that is happiness.
Some would say i was blessed. That implies someone gave me this, some higher power divined it. What a sad, disillusioned fool that would be. I worked for this, i chose this, and i love this life.
This is not polar bear weather. And the educated reader will know that if you had to pick an animal that your author most resembled, it would be more in the polar bear area than the antelope department that one would search. Built for the colder climate, i have spent many a summer avoiding the sun whilst laying down fat for the winter, and have successfully managed to grow an all over layer of fur to fend off the very fiercest Northerlies.
And 'tis a long walk back from the doctor, who wondered why i had bothered to come and see him. He read the notes from Monday and then phoned the lab who informed him that no trace of anything had been found. Rather than declare me a medical curiosity and have me stuffed and sent to the museum, he instead very charmingly accused me of wasting his time and demonstrated with much politeness which of the available exits would be the best for me to use. Ah the pleasure of being the last appointment of a bored doctor's day!
So back to the oak panelled reception where the leather sofas and ferocious air conditioning lull you into comfort as the smiling assassin behind the desk seizes $50 from you, for the wonderful pleasure of being dismissed by Dr Really-Nicebloke. For the first time this week my thumb stands naked to the world, and apart from being a strange orange colour looks much better. I think, again for the first time this week, that i will live. And live a good, full life, free from the fear of sudden thumb death syndrome...
As you would expect, this brush with mortality (stop tutting, you really can die of a sore thumb, probably, somehow) makes you question life, makes you aware of the transient nature of all of us. Walking through streets with buildings as old as the nation, aware you are in a country with people older than time who celebrate Gods who walked the earth a billion years ago... Melbourne is a delicious contrast of old buildings and young people. Its remarkable just how young the people are - its actually surprising to see someone over 50. There are so many students and backpackers here that the average age in the City must be something in the 20s. And summer is a cummin' in, so, in the words of Bruce, girls in their summer clothes pass me by... It makes you feel young, makes you smile inside, and reminds you that your sweaty beetroot face is probably scaring a lot of very innocent passers by! There is a huge Asian population, who dont seem to be permanent, but do seem to be everywhere. Australia is still importing people at a huge rate, and has publicly stated it wants more, and you notice when working and living amongst the 2nd and 3rd generation imports that this does create some tension.
And being in Oz reminds me of the last time i was here, when a casual phone call home brought news of mum in hospital, dad crying, doctors concerned, time short... A frantic weekend of charging for home - 12,000 miles via LA and Chicago and a desperate, terrified time with no contact and no reassurance, not knowing what would greet me... And in the end a smiling mum showing absolutely no sign of any illness which was at once relief and release, and guilt at wondering whether we could have had another 3 months Down Under...
And this time is different. This time i left the wife behind, and this time i am in touch and talking several times a day. Its hard enough trying to work out the time difference without then trying to work out whether its a good or bad time to call. The excitement and joy from hearing a little hello from the other end is wonderful, knowing that your wife is happy and safe, knowing the boys got home from school, knowing that the dogs have finally decided to come home... Just the news that the chimneys didnt blow down in the night, that a neighbour has popped round for coffee, and that we have a spare bag of tile adhesive for the weekend... these things seem at home like boring and unimportant, things that are almost too embarrassingly banal to report. But for those of us a moon away they are the wonderful, glorious anchors that tie us to somewhere and someone special. There is no greater pleasure at this distance than to hear your baby's voice, and picture her there in woolly pyjamas, tucked up under the duvet with the cat saying miaow all over the place... or to hear the wind in the phone as she wastes her time calling Monty back across the field.... or just to hear that "nothing, really" has happened, again, for the fourth time this week.
I'm working with good kind people who are genuinely interestered in who I am, where i come from, what i do... And its a real pleasure to tell them - i'm not Dean from Sabre, I'm Dean from Henfield who is married to Kitty, with boys and dogs and a little house in the country. And its the stupid little stories they want to hear, the boring nothing happeneds, and i tell them, and get a little glow inside. Its an ordinary life, turned extraordinary by the house we live in, the job i do, and the path i walked to get here. But I'm glad i drove tanks, hot air ballooned across the desert, saw tigers and rhinos, had sunrise at Monument Valley, and all the rare, exciting, life changing moments that made me who I am... but dont ask me to change my life now. Having that solid base, of a loving, devoted wife, a little family of my own, and finally a house to call my own... that is happiness.
Some would say i was blessed. That implies someone gave me this, some higher power divined it. What a sad, disillusioned fool that would be. I worked for this, i chose this, and i love this life.
Tuesday 11 November 2008
The 11th Hour of the 11th Day
To the memory of the fallen in every conflict. Shared the silence today with an Australian woman whose 97 year old father fought in Europe. As he approaches the end naturally, surrounded by his family, a hero in a distant land we all need to take a minute to remember those who didnt make it through the evil, the stupidity, and the unimaginable.
July 1st 1916. Somme. 19,240 British men were killed in a couple of hours, attacking the German lines and almost completely failing to take any land at all. 35,000 wounded in one day, and nearly 2,500 taken prisoner. The offensive continued until November when General Haig finally conceded defeat. Over one million men had been wounded in this completely futile campaign.
March 16 1968. Lt William Calley told the men of Charlie division “This is what you’ve been witing for – Search and Destroy, and you’ve got it.” An hour or two later over 300 unarmed, innocent, men, women and children lay brutally murdered. Women had been raped, children shot in the back of the head and old men bayoneted where they were praying.
April 25th 1986. Chernobyl. Number 4 reactor exploded and although only 30 people died immediately, some cancers in Ukraine have risen tenfold since then, and thousands have died since.
July 4th 1988. The American aircraft carrier USS Vincennes shot down a civilian airliner, Iranian Air flight 655. 290 civilians were killed by the US warship which was in the Gulf supporting Saddam Hussein in his war against Iran. They were also protecting oil tankers moving through the Strait of Hormuz. 5 months later, December 21st, in an Arab act of revenge, Pan Am 103 was brought down over Lockerbie by a bomb, and another 270 people were dead.
April 1994. Exact date difficult to discover. President Habyarimana of Rwanda and the President of Burundi are killed when their aircraft is shot down approaching Kigali airport. In the next three months AT LEAST 500,000 people (UN estimate) are murdered by genocide squads. Hutu radio stations broadcast exhortations to murder “Tutsis like cockroaches.” The figure is more likely over a million, and nearly ONE THIRD of a nation is murdered in just over 3 months. A female government minister is later convicted of issuing orders to soldiers to rape other women.
July 12th 1995. The Dutch army negotiate their retreat from Srebenica by agreeing to the relocation of thousands of Muslims. In the next four days the Russian Serb forces round up and execute 8,000 local men, simply for being Muslim. Over the next few weeks, countless men, women and children are captured around the town, hiding in the hills, and executed.
Today - the West Bank, Congo, Iraq and Afghanistan...
Dachau is still today an intimidating, chilling place, but the Germans learnt one very simple lesson that the rest of us seem to have missed...
Nie Immer
Never Again.
But Man is not that clever...
July 1st 1916. Somme. 19,240 British men were killed in a couple of hours, attacking the German lines and almost completely failing to take any land at all. 35,000 wounded in one day, and nearly 2,500 taken prisoner. The offensive continued until November when General Haig finally conceded defeat. Over one million men had been wounded in this completely futile campaign.
March 16 1968. Lt William Calley told the men of Charlie division “This is what you’ve been witing for – Search and Destroy, and you’ve got it.” An hour or two later over 300 unarmed, innocent, men, women and children lay brutally murdered. Women had been raped, children shot in the back of the head and old men bayoneted where they were praying.
April 25th 1986. Chernobyl. Number 4 reactor exploded and although only 30 people died immediately, some cancers in Ukraine have risen tenfold since then, and thousands have died since.
July 4th 1988. The American aircraft carrier USS Vincennes shot down a civilian airliner, Iranian Air flight 655. 290 civilians were killed by the US warship which was in the Gulf supporting Saddam Hussein in his war against Iran. They were also protecting oil tankers moving through the Strait of Hormuz. 5 months later, December 21st, in an Arab act of revenge, Pan Am 103 was brought down over Lockerbie by a bomb, and another 270 people were dead.
April 1994. Exact date difficult to discover. President Habyarimana of Rwanda and the President of Burundi are killed when their aircraft is shot down approaching Kigali airport. In the next three months AT LEAST 500,000 people (UN estimate) are murdered by genocide squads. Hutu radio stations broadcast exhortations to murder “Tutsis like cockroaches.” The figure is more likely over a million, and nearly ONE THIRD of a nation is murdered in just over 3 months. A female government minister is later convicted of issuing orders to soldiers to rape other women.
July 12th 1995. The Dutch army negotiate their retreat from Srebenica by agreeing to the relocation of thousands of Muslims. In the next four days the Russian Serb forces round up and execute 8,000 local men, simply for being Muslim. Over the next few weeks, countless men, women and children are captured around the town, hiding in the hills, and executed.
Today - the West Bank, Congo, Iraq and Afghanistan...
Dachau is still today an intimidating, chilling place, but the Germans learnt one very simple lesson that the rest of us seem to have missed...
Nie Immer
Never Again.
But Man is not that clever...
THEY SHALL GROW NOT OLD AS WE THAT ARE LEFT GROW OLD
AGE SHALL NOT WEARY THEM NOR THE YEARS CONDEMN
AT THE GOING DOWN OF THE SUN AND IN THE MORNING:
WE SHALL REMEMBER THEM.
Monday 10 November 2008
Your host is well
Oh gentle reader, please be still. Worry ye not a minute longer, for i will live.
Had a minor operation on my thumb this afternoon (well a nice lady GP sliced it open) to remove some aggressive infection... once test results are in i will of course be confirming the exact strain of bacteria - a subject i know you will all be hotly debating in the coming days.
Any donations, please send cash to me, flowers and charity donations not necessary.
As you will understand, my bravery in this matter has been incredible, so if i do not answer emails immediately, be grateful that your beloved author breathes yet.
Sunday 9 November 2008
If i were Barack...the Deano manifesto
Hotel television is a selective way to look at the world. Apparently today the big issues are Day 37 of the Melbourne Cup horse racing... the Discovery Channel on a never ending search for killer nazi sharks who terrorise fishing boats where the men wave crabs and cry a lot... public broadcasting where you can pay to show what you want, and so is full of dubbed greek films and Russian soap operas... and BBC World News, which really is fair and balanced but makes the news seem like the most boring thing happening today. They insist on being "world" news, so will not mention the UK at any cost. Instead stories like elections in Peru, a Spanish actress buying a hat, and the Congo fill the airwaves. Especially the Congo.
One of the most depressing hope vacuum stories to emerge for years, there is no relief, no joy and no solution in sight. Every reporter, and the BBC appears to have a dozen in Africa, keeps asking "Did we learn the lesson of Rwanda" and at the risk of being flippant, the answer is quite clearly no we bloody didnt. The ongoing puzzle of the wickedness of man leaves you breathless at the numbers - towns of 50,000 people being emptied overnight. You know they will start finding mass graves, you know the UN peacekeepers will "look on helplessly", you know the African Union will host a banquet so they can collectively look the other way. There should be a prize for every world leader who uses the phrase "An African solution to an African problem" - its people being slaughtered and moved from one killing field to another...
So it got me thinking of how to solve this, and i thought it was about to time to launch my world manifesto...
First, saving the World:
1 - Obvious - troops out of Iraq. We now have an international peace keeping force gathered together - keep them together and send them where they are needed. Half can go to Afghanistan where we need to rethink the tactics and push into West Pakistan and actually attack the training schools and the camps rather than chasing Taliban round the desert. Tough love? Who cares if the Taliban get control of Kabul? Lets get Al-Qaeda and destroy them, and then come back for the Taliban. Dont give me any rubbish about Human Rights - we have bigger problems now and when did we ever rush anywhere just to help the locals. Afghanistan is a country we will never conquer, and a people who dont want to be conquered. We need to sort out the Congo too, and sending a few 1,000 US troops down there would do that. Its not a huge, organised rebel army down there - they just happen to have all the guns in that particular area. And people are dying now, so send them in.
2 - North Korea - seems that Kim may be dead already, but is certainly on the way out. And that will lead to confusion and chaos in a country so tightly controlled. There will be a power struggle and no doubt the army will want to keep control. And the army over there is about 10 times the size of the US army. So we need to start talking to the Generals now. Diplomacy is the only possible solution, and we have to get them inside the international community now.
3 - Iran. Its a democratic country - they had elections, people voted, the ones with the most votes now govern. So get over it and leave them alone.
4 - Israel. Cut them off. We know the holocaust happened, it was a hugely terrible event, but it is now history. We dont support Cambodia, Rwanda, Serbia, Uganda or any other country that has suffered genocide since, and we certainly dont open museums and make films about them. You have our sympathy for what your grandparents went through, but now you are a country like anyone else and its time you grew up and took the responsibility seriously. Build roads and schools in the West Bank instead of walls, and maybe you might have to stop looking over your shoulder so often.
5 - Palestine and friends. Israel exists. Get over it. If we stop giving it favourite child status, you have to stop treating it like a diseased dog you want to shoot. Get on with them, you have no choice in the long run. Look at Ireland - they did it. And if you keep trying to kill Israelis where do you think your water and electric is going to come from?
6 - Poverty. OK, enough hypocrisy. Banks run out of money and several trillion is raised overnight by the world governments. Yet every day 50,000 people DIE because they do not have clean drinking water. Build wells now. Give the money to Oxfam, Action Aid, anyone who has well kits. Tell them to put a well in each village on the globe, and send the bill to the World Bank. Please explain to me how supporting a few Western banks is a better way to spend the money. It isnt.
7 - AIDS. There are countries in Africa where 50% of the adult population has AIDS. In Addis 75% of sex workers are HIV+ and yet they gladly have unsafe sex because they can charge higher fees. Again Mr World Bank - throw some SERIOUS money at this. Education, education and free condoms. Lets not worry about keeping the white man rich, lets spend some time and money trying to keep the black man alive.
And domestically? I guess while i'm saving the world i should give some thought to the UK...
1 - Scrap Trident. 75 billion pounds saved.
2 - Get out of Iraq - probably 20 billion over the next few years.
3 - Screw the banks. All savings are protected so let them go. Take the 100 billion, wave it in their faces, and then spend it elsewhere.
4 - Raise income tax for the rich. I dont mind paying a bit more, ,and those on high salaries should pay a lot more. Top rate of 50% up to 100k, and then anything earned over that at 60%. Corportation tax - actually collect it. How the hell do i end up paying more tax than BP every year??? Lets make it clear this is for 3 years, and we have to do it because of the mess we are in.
5 - Spend the money. I mean, really blow it. Schools, hospitals, roads, bridges, regeneration projects. And not on PFI and private sector rubbish. That doesnt work. Nationalisation baby, thats the future. Build a high speed train line, and control the project centrally. Huge fines for any late deliveries, and insist on a DECENT minimum wage for any contractors. Lets get people working, and lets pay them well. That is how "trickle down" really works - not by giving tax cuts to the super wealthy. Buy a fleet of 10,000 minbuses and give one to every parish council to use as a FREE local bus. Fine councils who have money stacking up in foreign bank accounts - make them spend it locally. Lets rebuild this country and make it the envy of the world.
6 - Climate Change. Bring in congestion charges in each major town - but reduce the cost. 2 or 3 pounds is reasonable, and if it isnt a deterrent then at least we have some money to research and build solutions. Tax polluters - give them tax breaks for real, genuine improvements. Not trading, as that doesnt reduce the totals. Go through with the plans to tax gas guzzlers, and put the price of petrol up. Reduce the tax on diesel, and set up a scheme where professional hauliers can claim the tax back. Make it difficult, but subsidise rail freight to encourage them that way. We all cried when stage coach drivers lost their trade... oh hang on, no we didnt. Freight should be on rails not roads, so drivers will lose their jobs. Retrain them on diggers, fork lifts etc and get them into the building projects.
7 - Agriculture. Nationalisation! Bring back the Milk Marketing Board - centralise control of key products, ensure that farmers get a fair price for their goods, and take control away from Tesco. How did we ever get to a situation where a bunch of Supermarket directors control the UK price system? We dont need price control, but we dont want Tesco getting richer and richer while farmers struggle. And time to reform the CAP with help from our friends in Europe. Reward growing and good crops, and ensure that across Europe prices are kept reasonable. Tesco have been in charge for years, and prices have risen sharply, so there is no argument that the market keeps things in check.
8 - Social crime. Anyone convicted of a criminal offence with a sentence of 6 months or more gets the option of 2 years in the army on full pay instead. And if they dont complete the 2 years then they get sent to prison for 5 years. Extend the offer to anyone who is currently in prison. And on that point, pay soldiers more. Scrap ASBOs, play hardball and jail the little bastards. Punishing someone for feeding pigeons is one thing, persistant trouble making should adopt the zero tolerance policy. First offence, 3 months prison. Second offence - into the army or 6 months. Third offence 5 years. Carrying a knife should be 6 months or the army instantly. And white collar crime should be punished. Fraud, embezzlement, anything done with a computer which is illegal and wrong, punish it hard. None of this making an appointment to come to the police station when convenient - arrest and charge as if they were a drug dealer.
I would also provide a 1000pound voucher for anyone under 21 to use to travel to a distant land. Not Spain or Greece, but South America or Africa, somewhere they would learn something and experience a bit of life. Non refundable vouchers that have to be used at travel agents against listed destinations.
9 - Drugs. Hmmm arent we doing well on the war on drugs. Legalise them, everything. Make them available from pharmacies with a prescription, and control the supply, quality and distribution. If someone wants a gram of coke for a party why not? If they want 10 grams of coke then they need to go to a doctor and get a prescription. Take away the criminality, take away the profits to be made, you take away the crime and you take away the desperation. No heroin unless you attend rehab. Drugs hurt people, no doubt about it, but taking drugs only hurts the user. Stealing to pay for them, selling your body for a fix, murder over sales turf is what hurts society.
10 - Cigarettes. Ban them. We can make up the tax from rich people, but how much more evidence is needed that they kill users, and can kill non users? What good do they do?
11 - Alcohol. We need to educate children so much better. We are the worst drinkers in the world. We drink to get drunk, every other nation either drinks to enjoy it, or to forget the hell they are living in. We need to rebuild a society where binge drinkers are social pariahs, and people just are not allowed to get drunk and violent. Responsible drinking is the responsibility of the individual and should be monitored and controlled by government, not the drinks industry. Raise the minimum age to 21 and enforce IDs seriously.
12 - BBC. Increase the licence fee. Its fantastic, and the more you travel, the more you appreciate it.
13 - Scotland, Wales, Ireland. Time to let them go. The United Kingdom should be a commonwealth of separate states linked closely for the common good. Westminster should be for England only, let the others have self rule. Just make sure that taxation is distributed only in the country it was raised. This will be good for England, and the other countries will become minor European nations like Luxembourg and Latvia. It seems to be what they want.
14 - Abortion. We need to review the science of when the foetus becomes sentient. Women must always have access to abortion in the early stages of pregnancy, but we need to carry out extensive research on where to place the limit.
15 - Roads. Town speed limits to 25mph, roads where schools are painted red which means 15mph. Motorway speed limit removed entirely but tightening of definition of driving recklessly or without care. Speeding fines doubled to 120 pounds, but down to 2 points on licence. Middle lane hogging to be targeted with on the spot points. Young drivers to be refused insurance on any car with an engine greater than 1.2L, or over 99BHP. Advanced test to be compulsory to all drivers every 10 years.
16 - Captital punishment. Castrate rapists and paedophiles. No doubt that will not be easy with human rights legislation, but we need to return the advantage to the victims. Restorative justice - ie the victim is entitled to money or community service from the perp for small offences. All victims to be given court time to tell the jury how they have been effected by the crime. And the death penalty? No. Even for the most heinous crimes, we dont have the right to take another life. We also dont have the obligation to protect and segregate the worst prisoners from the general prison population.
I think thats enough for now, will add more as they pop into my head :)
One of the most depressing hope vacuum stories to emerge for years, there is no relief, no joy and no solution in sight. Every reporter, and the BBC appears to have a dozen in Africa, keeps asking "Did we learn the lesson of Rwanda" and at the risk of being flippant, the answer is quite clearly no we bloody didnt. The ongoing puzzle of the wickedness of man leaves you breathless at the numbers - towns of 50,000 people being emptied overnight. You know they will start finding mass graves, you know the UN peacekeepers will "look on helplessly", you know the African Union will host a banquet so they can collectively look the other way. There should be a prize for every world leader who uses the phrase "An African solution to an African problem" - its people being slaughtered and moved from one killing field to another...
So it got me thinking of how to solve this, and i thought it was about to time to launch my world manifesto...
First, saving the World:
1 - Obvious - troops out of Iraq. We now have an international peace keeping force gathered together - keep them together and send them where they are needed. Half can go to Afghanistan where we need to rethink the tactics and push into West Pakistan and actually attack the training schools and the camps rather than chasing Taliban round the desert. Tough love? Who cares if the Taliban get control of Kabul? Lets get Al-Qaeda and destroy them, and then come back for the Taliban. Dont give me any rubbish about Human Rights - we have bigger problems now and when did we ever rush anywhere just to help the locals. Afghanistan is a country we will never conquer, and a people who dont want to be conquered. We need to sort out the Congo too, and sending a few 1,000 US troops down there would do that. Its not a huge, organised rebel army down there - they just happen to have all the guns in that particular area. And people are dying now, so send them in.
2 - North Korea - seems that Kim may be dead already, but is certainly on the way out. And that will lead to confusion and chaos in a country so tightly controlled. There will be a power struggle and no doubt the army will want to keep control. And the army over there is about 10 times the size of the US army. So we need to start talking to the Generals now. Diplomacy is the only possible solution, and we have to get them inside the international community now.
3 - Iran. Its a democratic country - they had elections, people voted, the ones with the most votes now govern. So get over it and leave them alone.
4 - Israel. Cut them off. We know the holocaust happened, it was a hugely terrible event, but it is now history. We dont support Cambodia, Rwanda, Serbia, Uganda or any other country that has suffered genocide since, and we certainly dont open museums and make films about them. You have our sympathy for what your grandparents went through, but now you are a country like anyone else and its time you grew up and took the responsibility seriously. Build roads and schools in the West Bank instead of walls, and maybe you might have to stop looking over your shoulder so often.
5 - Palestine and friends. Israel exists. Get over it. If we stop giving it favourite child status, you have to stop treating it like a diseased dog you want to shoot. Get on with them, you have no choice in the long run. Look at Ireland - they did it. And if you keep trying to kill Israelis where do you think your water and electric is going to come from?
6 - Poverty. OK, enough hypocrisy. Banks run out of money and several trillion is raised overnight by the world governments. Yet every day 50,000 people DIE because they do not have clean drinking water. Build wells now. Give the money to Oxfam, Action Aid, anyone who has well kits. Tell them to put a well in each village on the globe, and send the bill to the World Bank. Please explain to me how supporting a few Western banks is a better way to spend the money. It isnt.
7 - AIDS. There are countries in Africa where 50% of the adult population has AIDS. In Addis 75% of sex workers are HIV+ and yet they gladly have unsafe sex because they can charge higher fees. Again Mr World Bank - throw some SERIOUS money at this. Education, education and free condoms. Lets not worry about keeping the white man rich, lets spend some time and money trying to keep the black man alive.
And domestically? I guess while i'm saving the world i should give some thought to the UK...
1 - Scrap Trident. 75 billion pounds saved.
2 - Get out of Iraq - probably 20 billion over the next few years.
3 - Screw the banks. All savings are protected so let them go. Take the 100 billion, wave it in their faces, and then spend it elsewhere.
4 - Raise income tax for the rich. I dont mind paying a bit more, ,and those on high salaries should pay a lot more. Top rate of 50% up to 100k, and then anything earned over that at 60%. Corportation tax - actually collect it. How the hell do i end up paying more tax than BP every year??? Lets make it clear this is for 3 years, and we have to do it because of the mess we are in.
5 - Spend the money. I mean, really blow it. Schools, hospitals, roads, bridges, regeneration projects. And not on PFI and private sector rubbish. That doesnt work. Nationalisation baby, thats the future. Build a high speed train line, and control the project centrally. Huge fines for any late deliveries, and insist on a DECENT minimum wage for any contractors. Lets get people working, and lets pay them well. That is how "trickle down" really works - not by giving tax cuts to the super wealthy. Buy a fleet of 10,000 minbuses and give one to every parish council to use as a FREE local bus. Fine councils who have money stacking up in foreign bank accounts - make them spend it locally. Lets rebuild this country and make it the envy of the world.
6 - Climate Change. Bring in congestion charges in each major town - but reduce the cost. 2 or 3 pounds is reasonable, and if it isnt a deterrent then at least we have some money to research and build solutions. Tax polluters - give them tax breaks for real, genuine improvements. Not trading, as that doesnt reduce the totals. Go through with the plans to tax gas guzzlers, and put the price of petrol up. Reduce the tax on diesel, and set up a scheme where professional hauliers can claim the tax back. Make it difficult, but subsidise rail freight to encourage them that way. We all cried when stage coach drivers lost their trade... oh hang on, no we didnt. Freight should be on rails not roads, so drivers will lose their jobs. Retrain them on diggers, fork lifts etc and get them into the building projects.
7 - Agriculture. Nationalisation! Bring back the Milk Marketing Board - centralise control of key products, ensure that farmers get a fair price for their goods, and take control away from Tesco. How did we ever get to a situation where a bunch of Supermarket directors control the UK price system? We dont need price control, but we dont want Tesco getting richer and richer while farmers struggle. And time to reform the CAP with help from our friends in Europe. Reward growing and good crops, and ensure that across Europe prices are kept reasonable. Tesco have been in charge for years, and prices have risen sharply, so there is no argument that the market keeps things in check.
8 - Social crime. Anyone convicted of a criminal offence with a sentence of 6 months or more gets the option of 2 years in the army on full pay instead. And if they dont complete the 2 years then they get sent to prison for 5 years. Extend the offer to anyone who is currently in prison. And on that point, pay soldiers more. Scrap ASBOs, play hardball and jail the little bastards. Punishing someone for feeding pigeons is one thing, persistant trouble making should adopt the zero tolerance policy. First offence, 3 months prison. Second offence - into the army or 6 months. Third offence 5 years. Carrying a knife should be 6 months or the army instantly. And white collar crime should be punished. Fraud, embezzlement, anything done with a computer which is illegal and wrong, punish it hard. None of this making an appointment to come to the police station when convenient - arrest and charge as if they were a drug dealer.
I would also provide a 1000pound voucher for anyone under 21 to use to travel to a distant land. Not Spain or Greece, but South America or Africa, somewhere they would learn something and experience a bit of life. Non refundable vouchers that have to be used at travel agents against listed destinations.
9 - Drugs. Hmmm arent we doing well on the war on drugs. Legalise them, everything. Make them available from pharmacies with a prescription, and control the supply, quality and distribution. If someone wants a gram of coke for a party why not? If they want 10 grams of coke then they need to go to a doctor and get a prescription. Take away the criminality, take away the profits to be made, you take away the crime and you take away the desperation. No heroin unless you attend rehab. Drugs hurt people, no doubt about it, but taking drugs only hurts the user. Stealing to pay for them, selling your body for a fix, murder over sales turf is what hurts society.
10 - Cigarettes. Ban them. We can make up the tax from rich people, but how much more evidence is needed that they kill users, and can kill non users? What good do they do?
11 - Alcohol. We need to educate children so much better. We are the worst drinkers in the world. We drink to get drunk, every other nation either drinks to enjoy it, or to forget the hell they are living in. We need to rebuild a society where binge drinkers are social pariahs, and people just are not allowed to get drunk and violent. Responsible drinking is the responsibility of the individual and should be monitored and controlled by government, not the drinks industry. Raise the minimum age to 21 and enforce IDs seriously.
12 - BBC. Increase the licence fee. Its fantastic, and the more you travel, the more you appreciate it.
13 - Scotland, Wales, Ireland. Time to let them go. The United Kingdom should be a commonwealth of separate states linked closely for the common good. Westminster should be for England only, let the others have self rule. Just make sure that taxation is distributed only in the country it was raised. This will be good for England, and the other countries will become minor European nations like Luxembourg and Latvia. It seems to be what they want.
14 - Abortion. We need to review the science of when the foetus becomes sentient. Women must always have access to abortion in the early stages of pregnancy, but we need to carry out extensive research on where to place the limit.
15 - Roads. Town speed limits to 25mph, roads where schools are painted red which means 15mph. Motorway speed limit removed entirely but tightening of definition of driving recklessly or without care. Speeding fines doubled to 120 pounds, but down to 2 points on licence. Middle lane hogging to be targeted with on the spot points. Young drivers to be refused insurance on any car with an engine greater than 1.2L, or over 99BHP. Advanced test to be compulsory to all drivers every 10 years.
16 - Captital punishment. Castrate rapists and paedophiles. No doubt that will not be easy with human rights legislation, but we need to return the advantage to the victims. Restorative justice - ie the victim is entitled to money or community service from the perp for small offences. All victims to be given court time to tell the jury how they have been effected by the crime. And the death penalty? No. Even for the most heinous crimes, we dont have the right to take another life. We also dont have the obligation to protect and segregate the worst prisoners from the general prison population.
I think thats enough for now, will add more as they pop into my head :)
Wednesday 5 November 2008
i have spent the last 24 hours in the wrong time zone
Its been a few years now - i think it is nearly 17 - since i was last Down Under. That was a great trip full of empty roads, stupid dreams and nothing to come home to. Travelling for the sake of not being anywhere in particular.
This time its work, which wont be as much fun, but already Melbourne has redeemed itself. In those dark days of yore i remembered it as wet, miserable and uninviting, and when we turned up to the Sydney sunshine and the Bridge over the Bay... well of course Sydney won. But today is a bright spring day, the streets are full of young people of all shades and costume, and there is a lively friendly vibe. The shop keepers manage to say the same words as their fake US cousins, but sound like they do actually care whether you have a nice day or not, and despite the old buildings and weathered stones, you really do get the sense that you are in a young country, a can do country.
Only its coming up to 6pm, not 7. No idea how that happened, but somehow the time changed... I think last night was the cutover from Daylight Savings, but i really am not sure. If anyone knows how the time works out here...
This time its work, which wont be as much fun, but already Melbourne has redeemed itself. In those dark days of yore i remembered it as wet, miserable and uninviting, and when we turned up to the Sydney sunshine and the Bridge over the Bay... well of course Sydney won. But today is a bright spring day, the streets are full of young people of all shades and costume, and there is a lively friendly vibe. The shop keepers manage to say the same words as their fake US cousins, but sound like they do actually care whether you have a nice day or not, and despite the old buildings and weathered stones, you really do get the sense that you are in a young country, a can do country.
Only its coming up to 6pm, not 7. No idea how that happened, but somehow the time changed... I think last night was the cutover from Daylight Savings, but i really am not sure. If anyone knows how the time works out here...
Obamalamaloo
Relief. The over riding emotion that is sweeping over me.
The world has a future.
Americans, i am sorry for doubting you. I was so unfair. (You weren't in a car crash were you?)
And now i can stop worrying, and start being excited that maybe, just maybe, there may be a future for this crazy messed up planet...
The world has a future.
Americans, i am sorry for doubting you. I was so unfair. (You weren't in a car crash were you?)
And now i can stop worrying, and start being excited that maybe, just maybe, there may be a future for this crazy messed up planet...
Saturday 1 November 2008
Bole Road Pt 1
Greetings from Addis Ababa, the capital of Ethiopia, and a town so brilliantly African it could be 1950s Surrey.Staying alas at the Hilton, a monstrosity of job creation and paperwork with metal detectors and body searches on the main door (accessible only through a car checkpoint) while the back door opens directly onto the street... The bed has a wooden mattress, the internet connection is the slowest available, and at the bargain rate of $27 a day. A diet coke in the restaurant is $6. I'm complaining and i've just come from Norway.
Bole Road is the main stretch from the centre down to the airport. Its about 5 or 6 km which takes at least 30 minutes to drive down, mainly because of the constant stream of people who just cross the road as and when they feel like it. The road is a human river, flowing in all directions, ready to burst its banks, and you cant help wondering "Where are they all going?".There are little blue minibuses which stop on every corner and fit in about 12 lucky punters all paying around 10p to cross the town. They are driven by men who range from blind and alcoholic to Schumacher. The rules of the road seem simple - if the car in front stops, change lane. If the car in front stops because he has hit someone crossing, change lanes while beeping madly. If the car in front has not yet stopped, but you suspect it might because there is a donkey on fire ahead, then change lanes, and beep at the donkey. Oh, and there are donkeys. Seems like someone loads them up and throws them out, they just wander down the road looking for somewhere to deliver.There are stray goats, there are even herds of goat who seem to survive on grass verges. There are a few mangy dogs. There are a lot of bathroom shops. I gave up counting at 30 on the way home this evening (i had to share the car with a Frenchman called Gill who was getting a little too animated about interface integration...)
Personally watching the drivers here is much more exciting than Formula1 could ever be - and no one ever seems to crash.
But the big mystery is where the people are all going.Like anywhere in Africa, the people always seem to be either moving or laying down dead. I dont think there is much in the way of welfare here, so how do they all live? Do they really get paid for walking around? And its not like there is a job shortage...You arrive at the airport and head for the little booth that says 'Visa on Arrival'. The first man greets you, confirms you have a passport, and hands it to his colleague. She carefully copies all the details onto a receipt pad, and passes this all to another colleague. She meticulously transcribes this (do you like the way i avoided repetition there?) onto a sticker which she then sticks in your passport. I now have a brown sticker in my passport which contains the following information: My name and my passport number. Invaluable. Finally all of this gets passed to the guy at the end who takes my $20.I arrived at the hotel having been awake for 30 hours and feeling giddy, and was greeted at reception by a registration form asking me for 3 pages of information. Fortunately the man at the desk said if i gave him a business card he would take the essential from there. In fact, he asked for 2, and stapled them both to the same form...
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