Sitting in terminal 5 next to a giant screen showing Accenture adverts with Tiger Woods.
"The road to high performance is not always paved."
"Its what you do next that counts."
Indeed.
Wednesday 2 December 2009
Friday 20 November 2009
Its November...
Its difficult to believe that its been nearly 3 months since i last wrote anything on here. I guess the big difference is i'm not travelling anymore and everything has got a lot easier. There are no long dull nights trapped in a hotel in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but witter away on here...
So no more Sabre, how does that feel. A relief really. I joined Sabre last year as i needed to get out of XL and it was the best offer on the table. And the job started well, the travel was interesting, the work was challenging, the learning was fun, and whatever the problems professionally, the customers in Bodo, Melbourne and Stockholm were great. It was a fantastic team too, i learnt so much from them and really enjoyed getting through some of the problems we faced. But then management changed, and we became Americanised. It was the right decision for head office to make - it was crazy having a small little swedish pocket ignoring what the rest of the world was doing. So Rocade became Air Centre and the magic was gone... The choices were Kenya or Saudi for a very long time, and the prospect of being bogged down in FT for the next year was not a pleasing one. So time to change, and what was out there... well nothing really, so for the second time in a year, in the middle of the worst recession the world has ever seen, i quit my job with nothing lined up.
The plan for a long time was to take over another company, develop their software, turn it into a freelance IT centre, and take over the world. 5 months later that all fell apart, and we were back where we were.
My old boss had promised some work when things fell into place, and this came to pass. And now those few weeks have turned into a few months, and things are going well. We will be installing the Operations / Commercial / Crew system, and judging by initial contact with the chosen supplier its going to be our project and we are going to run it the way we want. Looking forward to getting stuck into it and making things happen. Next week off to Stockholm for the first time in 6 months so will get to catch up with whoever is left at Rocade, and the week after to Athens. Would imagine from then until May 1st will be busy busy busy.
Have also started my degree course with the Open University, a bit of a shock to the system but proving manageable so far.
And money arrived from Italy. Blimey.
Will try and write about those things separately later.
Need to get back into the swing of this, although the serious stuff has left me disinterested recently. Still shout at the telly, but feel more detached from politics and the rest of the world than ever before.
Thats the first one down, lets try and do some more of this...
So no more Sabre, how does that feel. A relief really. I joined Sabre last year as i needed to get out of XL and it was the best offer on the table. And the job started well, the travel was interesting, the work was challenging, the learning was fun, and whatever the problems professionally, the customers in Bodo, Melbourne and Stockholm were great. It was a fantastic team too, i learnt so much from them and really enjoyed getting through some of the problems we faced. But then management changed, and we became Americanised. It was the right decision for head office to make - it was crazy having a small little swedish pocket ignoring what the rest of the world was doing. So Rocade became Air Centre and the magic was gone... The choices were Kenya or Saudi for a very long time, and the prospect of being bogged down in FT for the next year was not a pleasing one. So time to change, and what was out there... well nothing really, so for the second time in a year, in the middle of the worst recession the world has ever seen, i quit my job with nothing lined up.
The plan for a long time was to take over another company, develop their software, turn it into a freelance IT centre, and take over the world. 5 months later that all fell apart, and we were back where we were.
My old boss had promised some work when things fell into place, and this came to pass. And now those few weeks have turned into a few months, and things are going well. We will be installing the Operations / Commercial / Crew system, and judging by initial contact with the chosen supplier its going to be our project and we are going to run it the way we want. Looking forward to getting stuck into it and making things happen. Next week off to Stockholm for the first time in 6 months so will get to catch up with whoever is left at Rocade, and the week after to Athens. Would imagine from then until May 1st will be busy busy busy.
Have also started my degree course with the Open University, a bit of a shock to the system but proving manageable so far.
And money arrived from Italy. Blimey.
Will try and write about those things separately later.
Need to get back into the swing of this, although the serious stuff has left me disinterested recently. Still shout at the telly, but feel more detached from politics and the rest of the world than ever before.
Thats the first one down, lets try and do some more of this...
Wednesday 26 August 2009
Random Thoughts
Mrs Dno has taken the kids to Turkey for a week and I am missing the lot of them. Have done enough travelling over the last year to be quite happy being away from home on my own, but its weird being alone in the big old house. There is a strange quiteness and calmness that isnt right. Miss my wifelet, and although the dogs are doing their best to keep me company it just isnt the same...
Bingo sneezed a few times, so I took him to the vet to make sure it wasnt the first sign of the lungworm. The vet poked him, prodded him, and listened to his chest. "Probably not" he said. But then he said Algie only had a throat infection... So i had to give him £58 for the very vague diagnosis and a few antibiotics. And yet vets still struggle to make money. How?
Renato Pagliari died. Save Your Love. Just one cornetto. Best mate of Big Ron Atkinson. Another legend passes...
One benefit of being unemployed is the opportunity to transfer your cd collection onto mp3. The idea is to do that, and then ebay the lot of them. So far I think i have done about 500, so about 800 left. If anyone wants to help...
And what has listening to the first 3 songs of 500 cds taught me? Fleetwood Mac really were a very good band. The Beatles really were that good (and if anyone wants to buy me the upcoming remastered boxset please feel free). My wife has some appalling cds that will not be recorded - Hearsay, Leann Rimes, Status Quo, Chris Rea... oh dear! Enrique Iglesias? All Saints? SHANIA TWAIN??? Its not easy loving Mrs Dno, especially when she has a CD in her hand...
Lindt 90% chocolate and ice cold Coke Zero. Its the new cheese and wine...
How does Radio2 get away with being so rubbish? Sarah Kennedy could be replaced by a drunken baboon, Terry Wogan is just not funny, interesting, relevant or even alive sometimes. Ken Bruce will die if he doesnt play an Abba song every 2 hours - and he must have the largest collection of 70s male singer songwriters in his phone book - Andrew Gold, Boz Scaggs, Al Stewart, Al Jarreau... Steve Wright - dont start me. Even Chris Evans is annoying. And then Radcliffe and Maconie are the best thing on the radio - how can Radio2 be so good between 8 and 10 pm and then so terrible every other minute?
The Wire. Watching it for the 3rd time from beginning to end, and i get excited Tuesday morning when i have a new episode. Its perfect. The best thing ever on TV by a country mile.
Talking of the country. Want to combine fox hunting with 3 day eventing. The boys obviously love a good blood sport, so if the only way the country folk can ride horses over fields with their dogs is to kill something at the end of it, then why not introduce that to Olympia? Dressage, Show Jumping and then seal clubbing. I think the Puissance would be great if the last 3 riders in it had to jump over the wall while firing a crossbow at suspended kittens...
Why do people say to me I dont "understand how the Countryside works." I do. It doesnt. Its like the town but everything is further away and shuts earlier, and everyone seems to bear a grudge against everyone else. Its brilliant to be out in the middle of nowhere and have fields and trees all around, but that is because people everywhere are rubbish and i would rather look at trees. And i think people like the fact that i am safe, far away in the middle of nowhere...
Oh, and the country has more fox poo.
Which brings me to Bingo's death toll this week. In the last 7 days one rabbit, one moorhen, one pheasant and we found a rabbit's head on the lawn. Bless.
Bingo sneezed a few times, so I took him to the vet to make sure it wasnt the first sign of the lungworm. The vet poked him, prodded him, and listened to his chest. "Probably not" he said. But then he said Algie only had a throat infection... So i had to give him £58 for the very vague diagnosis and a few antibiotics. And yet vets still struggle to make money. How?
Renato Pagliari died. Save Your Love. Just one cornetto. Best mate of Big Ron Atkinson. Another legend passes...
One benefit of being unemployed is the opportunity to transfer your cd collection onto mp3. The idea is to do that, and then ebay the lot of them. So far I think i have done about 500, so about 800 left. If anyone wants to help...
And what has listening to the first 3 songs of 500 cds taught me? Fleetwood Mac really were a very good band. The Beatles really were that good (and if anyone wants to buy me the upcoming remastered boxset please feel free). My wife has some appalling cds that will not be recorded - Hearsay, Leann Rimes, Status Quo, Chris Rea... oh dear! Enrique Iglesias? All Saints? SHANIA TWAIN??? Its not easy loving Mrs Dno, especially when she has a CD in her hand...
Lindt 90% chocolate and ice cold Coke Zero. Its the new cheese and wine...
How does Radio2 get away with being so rubbish? Sarah Kennedy could be replaced by a drunken baboon, Terry Wogan is just not funny, interesting, relevant or even alive sometimes. Ken Bruce will die if he doesnt play an Abba song every 2 hours - and he must have the largest collection of 70s male singer songwriters in his phone book - Andrew Gold, Boz Scaggs, Al Stewart, Al Jarreau... Steve Wright - dont start me. Even Chris Evans is annoying. And then Radcliffe and Maconie are the best thing on the radio - how can Radio2 be so good between 8 and 10 pm and then so terrible every other minute?
The Wire. Watching it for the 3rd time from beginning to end, and i get excited Tuesday morning when i have a new episode. Its perfect. The best thing ever on TV by a country mile.
Talking of the country. Want to combine fox hunting with 3 day eventing. The boys obviously love a good blood sport, so if the only way the country folk can ride horses over fields with their dogs is to kill something at the end of it, then why not introduce that to Olympia? Dressage, Show Jumping and then seal clubbing. I think the Puissance would be great if the last 3 riders in it had to jump over the wall while firing a crossbow at suspended kittens...
Why do people say to me I dont "understand how the Countryside works." I do. It doesnt. Its like the town but everything is further away and shuts earlier, and everyone seems to bear a grudge against everyone else. Its brilliant to be out in the middle of nowhere and have fields and trees all around, but that is because people everywhere are rubbish and i would rather look at trees. And i think people like the fact that i am safe, far away in the middle of nowhere...
Oh, and the country has more fox poo.
Which brings me to Bingo's death toll this week. In the last 7 days one rabbit, one moorhen, one pheasant and we found a rabbit's head on the lawn. Bless.
Thursday 13 August 2009
BINGO update
The little fella has been here a month now, and he is a most wonderful little personality. As the photos show, butter wouldnt melt in his pretty little hinged mouth. However yesterday a little baby bunny did more than melt, and once we got him to drop it I had to carry the poor little thing into a field and leave him for the foxes.
And one of my shoes has just appeared on the other side of the lawn minus the tongue...
And he eats cat poo.
And he has no idea what his own name is.
But we love him, and once he stops nibbling at your hand, he is soooo adorable!
Sunday 9 August 2009
Freedom!
So tomorrow is my first official day of unemployment...
I have left Sabre of my own free will to pursue other interests. It would be mad of me to sit here and slag off my previous employer - to be honest I think they were doing the right things to standardise their business and provide a consistent product across the world - it just wasnt what I want or need at this point.
So why does one leave a perfectly well paying job when they dont have one to go to?
The obvious answer in the middle of the "worst recession since 932" is that i must have gone a little bit mad. Its the second time in a year i have handed in my notice without a job to go to, and like last year i dont think i am mad. I cant imagine Sabre possible going the same way as XL, but of course the company will be just a little bit wounded by my departure. For about 3 minutes...
So what are the options? The favoured option is still buying a software company and developing the company and the software to change the world... That is trundling along but could take another year at this speed. Lets put that on the shelf marked "Burners, Back...".
There is always the Irish connection. And who knows, maybe even an extended spell oop North?
And then there is freelance. And I am quite enjoying typing up proposals and playing with Visio and Powerpoint and making ever more elaborate presentations. Have made some good contacts with a few airlines and I am now at the frustrating stage a lot of my colleagues in the consultancy word must know well - "We love the idea of working with you, just that the guy who can sign this off is in Vladivostok for 8 months..."
So one sits, one waits, and one sends emails and phones people. The internet makes it a lot easier than it must have been years ago, but doesnt help at all when it comes to getting a signature.
So if anyone knows any businees that needs someone to tell them what they are doing wrong, suggest a different way of doing it wrong using spreadsheets and flow charts, and then look on bemused as the company decide to change nothing, then i am your man.
I have left Sabre of my own free will to pursue other interests. It would be mad of me to sit here and slag off my previous employer - to be honest I think they were doing the right things to standardise their business and provide a consistent product across the world - it just wasnt what I want or need at this point.
So why does one leave a perfectly well paying job when they dont have one to go to?
The obvious answer in the middle of the "worst recession since 932" is that i must have gone a little bit mad. Its the second time in a year i have handed in my notice without a job to go to, and like last year i dont think i am mad. I cant imagine Sabre possible going the same way as XL, but of course the company will be just a little bit wounded by my departure. For about 3 minutes...
So what are the options? The favoured option is still buying a software company and developing the company and the software to change the world... That is trundling along but could take another year at this speed. Lets put that on the shelf marked "Burners, Back...".
There is always the Irish connection. And who knows, maybe even an extended spell oop North?
And then there is freelance. And I am quite enjoying typing up proposals and playing with Visio and Powerpoint and making ever more elaborate presentations. Have made some good contacts with a few airlines and I am now at the frustrating stage a lot of my colleagues in the consultancy word must know well - "We love the idea of working with you, just that the guy who can sign this off is in Vladivostok for 8 months..."
So one sits, one waits, and one sends emails and phones people. The internet makes it a lot easier than it must have been years ago, but doesnt help at all when it comes to getting a signature.
So if anyone knows any businees that needs someone to tell them what they are doing wrong, suggest a different way of doing it wrong using spreadsheets and flow charts, and then look on bemused as the company decide to change nothing, then i am your man.
Tuesday 28 July 2009
Allingham and Patch, heroes
Just a quick note to add my condolences. The news that Henry Allingham and Harry Patch have both passed away in the last week or so is the closure of an incredible piece of history. The oldest man in the world, and the only other British survivor of the trenches of World War One. Peaceful men who wore their sorrow so well, and both worked in memory and honour of their lost friends. Courage I can only imagine, the world has lost two very important men.
Monday 13 July 2009
Altogether now... B I N G O, Bingo was his name-o
It was never the plan to get another dog so soon after Algie, but i rang the rescue centre to tell them the bad news, they said they had a Terrier puppy, he was reserved but the guy never turned up, we did...
And Bingo joined the gang. A lot of Jack Russell, Staffie head, maybe some Beagle in the legs and God knows what else...
Monty has declared total ambivalence, Jenna has attacked him on sight, Squiffy only noticed when he went near the food bowl... And the wife has gone gooey and was found earlier curled up on the dog's sofa with him on her shoulders.
Time for me to build that big kennel down the garden for Me and Monty i think. And i know which of us will be missed first...
Distractions
Until you have spent an entire week staring out of the window at a herd of cows, trying to work out which one has the most white, or the shortest legs, or is the leader...
I'm just saying - its fun!
Tuesday 30 June 2009
Lil Guy
Its hard to know where to start, but losing a dog is never easy, and when the little fella is so young it hurts more.
Little Algie was just over a year old, and on Saturday night we lost him to lungworm.
He was a wonderful bundle of love and energy, a typical terrier when out, a perfect lap dog when indoors. He brought smiles and happiness to all who met him, and made the house complete.
These last few days have been difficult adjusting to the lack of Algie. No little black shadow following you around, no having to wrench him from the sofa late at night to throw him out, no yapping at any rabbit in a 5 mile radius... and most of all no black furry love muppet to snuggle up with the wife in front of the fire.
We have lost a friend, a family member and a brave little fighter.
I really want to say thank you in public to my darling wife, who looked after him so well during his illness. She put him before herself, and made him so calm and comfortable, and i know she made it easier for him to bear his pain. She did a wonderful job, and showed me again so many reasons to love her so much. She has suffered more than anyone the last few days, and i hope she finds peace in understanding how great her care was.
Love you Algie, thanks for giving us so much, in the little time we had together.
Friday 26 June 2009
The King of Pop Remains Dead (and still no national clamour for Nick Beggs to replace him)
The BBC are running a page where you can leave your memories of the dead monkey loving kiddy fiddling minstrel. The moderators have allowed only a few mentions of child molestation in over 26 pages. So who at the BBC is deciding which voices get heard and which dont? Seems the lunatic fans have all had their say and the normal people are now starting to post "calm down" messages...
Some of those nuggets of wisdom that have been allowed:
"I still remember hearing he had died this morning"
That was so long ago now...
"allow me to leave my message to my cousin brother Michael Jackson who has departed you could have first wait to witness the 1st Africa World Cup before you die"
Excellent advert for South Africa 2010, best product placement in a celebrity condolence page
"Michael Jackson is NOT dead!! It is all elaborate ruse to fool people. My contacts tell me in early hours of morning small plane land at Zhukov to refuel. Many men with dark glasses surround it and it have no flight plan. During refueling he see Jackson peeping out window!!! Jackson is running away from all his problems, his debt and ridicule. Financially he is bankrupt. He is going somewhere to live in peace."
Some Russian bloke says what we are all thinking
"jackson will be the guy by whom american culture is introduced to country like bangladesh.i urge to his family and obama please show his death body face for the last time."
A Dr from the middle east
"Michael Jackson was the greatest man in pop, I have grown up with him since the age of 9 and now im 34."
Stats you just cant argue with
"I hardly think "World Mourns Pop Legend Jackson" is an accurate statement.
Personally i think the "World" needs to get a grip"
Finally...
"His legacy encompasses maximum & the best utilization of "Equal Opportunity" by a minority person in America, which eventually paved the way for Barack Obama to be the Ist black American Presid"
Whites are not yet the minority in America. Oh, you mean blacks?
"The lost of Micheal Jackson will be a lost to all the world,his music will go on for ever.A showman in so many ways,my heart goes to his family children and fiends.Rest in peace Micheal."
Yvonne from Milton Keynes. Spell check, love. Fiends is most unfortunate. And at least dont get his name wrong. Twice.
"I never liked Michael Jackson or his music when he was the King of Pop.Later I realised that is his life was, in many ways, a tragedy. Then his music and life had new meaning for me. Now he is gone, I will miss him forever."
Fickle, Graham. And next year? He will just be a nobody again...
"I remember when I was about 6 years old, and Michael Jackson had a video included at the beginning of the first Free Willy movie on VHS."
Relax, she means the one with the whale in. 6 years old, Michael Jackson, Willy... all the ingredients.
Goodbye King of Pop.
The King Of Pop is Dead
So does Prince get promoted now? He did actually make it to the O2 and by all accounts was sensational. And he is weird and alive, so seems qualified.
Who are the other candidates?
H from Steps springs to mind.
Rick Astley is another.
Peter Andre has time on his hands, and we all know and love his hits.
My personal vote would go to Nick Beggs from Kajagoogoo, but alas you can't vote for kings.
There was no doubt that from around 71 to 75 and 79 to 85 he was a phenomenal artiste. (Jacko not Beggs - he did nothing in the 70s). But since then the monkey loving kiddy fiddler has been an ordinary artiste with an exceptional back catalogue. Which in my book ranks him alongside Cliff Richard, Rod Stewart, Paul McCartney even. And as the president of his fan club said - "People will forget the child molestation stuff, it was so boring." Welln sorry, but anyone who gives a 12 year old $15million to go away and shut up is guilty.
How do all those people who got so upset about Maddie McCann also get upset about a dead child molester????
Yours from outside the herd
D
Ps Farrah Fawcett also died yesterday after a long, hard battle against cancer. That was a real tradegy.
Who are the other candidates?
H from Steps springs to mind.
Rick Astley is another.
Peter Andre has time on his hands, and we all know and love his hits.
My personal vote would go to Nick Beggs from Kajagoogoo, but alas you can't vote for kings.
There was no doubt that from around 71 to 75 and 79 to 85 he was a phenomenal artiste. (Jacko not Beggs - he did nothing in the 70s). But since then the monkey loving kiddy fiddler has been an ordinary artiste with an exceptional back catalogue. Which in my book ranks him alongside Cliff Richard, Rod Stewart, Paul McCartney even. And as the president of his fan club said - "People will forget the child molestation stuff, it was so boring." Welln sorry, but anyone who gives a 12 year old $15million to go away and shut up is guilty.
How do all those people who got so upset about Maddie McCann also get upset about a dead child molester????
Yours from outside the herd
D
Ps Farrah Fawcett also died yesterday after a long, hard battle against cancer. That was a real tradegy.
Tuesday 16 June 2009
Western Arrogance over Iran
Why do we always assume that if the people who win the election are not "our team" then they cheated. How can we possibly know if the elections in Iran were fixed? We need to investigate, collect evidence, talk to people... and even then since when did we support insurrection (oh yeah, in Burma for a bit, in the Ukraine when the commies won, in Afghanistan when the Taliban won....)
What would happen if the US government declared that the BNP should win the next election, and spent the next year funding them, providing support, creating positive vibes on the world stage... Would Gordon's moral compass tell him that they need to be beaten at any price? Surely a bit of fraud is better than the BNP getting in... Only we never believe we are in the wrong - its only the darkies and the ragheads that would possibly cheat in an election. Who could possibly imagine that an American president could get power by using a wave of lawyers to contest a state run by his brother and be declared the winner even though he got less votes...
I am sure that the election in Iran was not 100% clean in the way we imagine that we are. But it wouldnt surprise me at all if a majority did actually vote for the incumbent. Sometimes people vote for people we dont like. That doesnt make the people of Burnley evil and ripe for shooting, it just means the bloke we dont like won.
What would happen if the US government declared that the BNP should win the next election, and spent the next year funding them, providing support, creating positive vibes on the world stage... Would Gordon's moral compass tell him that they need to be beaten at any price? Surely a bit of fraud is better than the BNP getting in... Only we never believe we are in the wrong - its only the darkies and the ragheads that would possibly cheat in an election. Who could possibly imagine that an American president could get power by using a wave of lawyers to contest a state run by his brother and be declared the winner even though he got less votes...
I am sure that the election in Iran was not 100% clean in the way we imagine that we are. But it wouldnt surprise me at all if a majority did actually vote for the incumbent. Sometimes people vote for people we dont like. That doesnt make the people of Burnley evil and ripe for shooting, it just means the bloke we dont like won.
Tuesday 9 June 2009
Blunkett has rib broken by cow
Thats it. No real comments needed.
David Blunkett was attacked by a cow at the weekend which pushed him over and then fell on him.
Brilliant :)
David Blunkett was attacked by a cow at the weekend which pushed him over and then fell on him.
Brilliant :)
Wednesday 3 June 2009
Brown - authority to lead
According to The Independent and The Times yesterday, Mr Brown on Monday personally rang Piers Morgan AND Simon Cowell to ask how Susan Boyle was getting on at The Priory.
Am I the only one who hoped our PM may have had more pressing matters of state to deal with???
Am I the only one who hoped our PM may have had more pressing matters of state to deal with???
Monday 1 June 2009
Air France disaster
A quick note to pay my respects to the families of the Air France crew and passengers, a very sad day. Had the strange experience of sitting in an Air France office all day in Dublin, and the professionalism and calm manner of the Ops staff was quite impressive.
Saturday 30 May 2009
Team Excellence
Good news readers, your humble correspondent has been nominated at work for the Team Excellence award. He is one of only 53 people in his team that have been nominated, and while recognising the others probably do something he is happy to accept that his efforts alone have been sufficient to merit the award.
Some of the criteria we will be judged on include the following:
- Embrace Partnership Equity
- Think WE, not ME
- Be humble (ok team, i've got this one)
- Operate with managerial courage
- Leverage the solution advantage
- Develop the global community as a strategic asset.
I know you are all excited to know how we get on, so will keep you up to date as things develop.
Hopefully if we do triumph we can write a team song to sing every morning to celebrate our success. Oh, and the prize if we win? They take a photo of our American team members and put it on a website. Coooooolllllll!
Some of the criteria we will be judged on include the following:
- Embrace Partnership Equity
- Think WE, not ME
- Be humble (ok team, i've got this one)
- Operate with managerial courage
- Leverage the solution advantage
- Develop the global community as a strategic asset.
I know you are all excited to know how we get on, so will keep you up to date as things develop.
Hopefully if we do triumph we can write a team song to sing every morning to celebrate our success. Oh, and the prize if we win? They take a photo of our American team members and put it on a website. Coooooolllllll!
Thursday 28 May 2009
Lion Man - what a mess!
Craig Busch - the Lion Man from New Zealand. Star of the show of that name and owner of Zion Wildlife Park, home of 40+ big cats....
was all going so well as the star of the show that Mrs dNo enjoyed so much on Sky3.
Until it ended abruptly.. why so we thought? On to Google we went...
"Lion Man found guilty of assault." Apparently a year after they split up he broke into his ex girlfriend's house and found her in bed with TWO other people. One was a lady called Hermes. Went a bit mad, and was fined $8000 for "unlawful sexual connection."
Ok,so he was good with animals, we all loved him, he carried on at the park...
"Lion Man park closed by government over concerns for animal welfare." Govt inspectors took control of the park, and were so concerned with some of the animals that they were thinking at one stage of having all the cats put down.
The outcome of this - Craig's mum somehow got control of the park. And sacked him. She tried to change the locks on the front gate one night, he got angry, and police were called again when he threatened to release the tigers...
Two days ago his appeal was thrown out, and the park was released to his mother. And he was banned from going there. And then yesterday Abu the white tiger attacked and killed Dalu, the African keeper who had been heavily featured on the TV show. It is very strange timing, and you have to assume the tiger was not commenting on the court case...
So Lion Man is now lionless. He is out of work, out of his home, his mum hates him, and his ex has most of his money and she is sleeping with a woman called Hermes.
The cats looked great on the telly though.
And seriously, thoughts go out to Dalu's family, he seemed to be a genuinely nice guy who got killed doing what he loved.
was all going so well as the star of the show that Mrs dNo enjoyed so much on Sky3.
Until it ended abruptly.. why so we thought? On to Google we went...
"Lion Man found guilty of assault." Apparently a year after they split up he broke into his ex girlfriend's house and found her in bed with TWO other people. One was a lady called Hermes. Went a bit mad, and was fined $8000 for "unlawful sexual connection."
Ok,so he was good with animals, we all loved him, he carried on at the park...
"Lion Man park closed by government over concerns for animal welfare." Govt inspectors took control of the park, and were so concerned with some of the animals that they were thinking at one stage of having all the cats put down.
The outcome of this - Craig's mum somehow got control of the park. And sacked him. She tried to change the locks on the front gate one night, he got angry, and police were called again when he threatened to release the tigers...
Two days ago his appeal was thrown out, and the park was released to his mother. And he was banned from going there. And then yesterday Abu the white tiger attacked and killed Dalu, the African keeper who had been heavily featured on the TV show. It is very strange timing, and you have to assume the tiger was not commenting on the court case...
So Lion Man is now lionless. He is out of work, out of his home, his mum hates him, and his ex has most of his money and she is sleeping with a woman called Hermes.
The cats looked great on the telly though.
And seriously, thoughts go out to Dalu's family, he seemed to be a genuinely nice guy who got killed doing what he loved.
Dublin. Just like my fun keeps. Dublin. Doubling. Do you see what i did...
So what have we learnt?
This travelling game is fun isnt it? Four weeks now in Dublin, and it is getting a little tedious. Its nice to be in a country where the people are friendly, they talk the same language and you can always get decent food (so different to America). Comes a time though when thoughts turn to home, and thats always hard. Miss my woman - a strange thing which no one seems to understand. Why is it so strange to want to be at home snuggled on the sofa or walking the dogs, talking crap and just sharing space...
Every day in the office i have to offer my advice and opinion and see the herd trample it underfoot in their efforts to do the complete opposite. And then i have to explain patiently why what they did broke the system. And then have to find a workaround so that they can carry on doing what they are doing. Ethically i have found this contract quite difficult, as various practices do not look meet my standards. I have put my concerns in writing, but no one here has a loud enough voice to make a difference, and most of them seem to like it that way. I was always trained about the "subsequent board of enquiry" - would i be able to stand in the dock and say i had no guilty conscience about the pilot being tired when he landed in the side of the hill... Maybe that's just me. By refusing to help with these things am i doing the right thing, or should i just do whatever the customer wants? Sometimes its hard to think of the crew as humans, and not just employee numbers. And here they have completely lost sight of the idea that passengers are any more than just seats filled as against seats empty. Its sad, as the future of airlines of this size rely on the passion and professionalism of its people, and you see less of both all the time. The Mothership will soon descend from the sky and swallow up this little enclave, and apart from a few dozen locals no one will shed too many tears. New jobs will be found by the majority, new careers they never dreamed of, or crappy jobs they never wanted. Their friends will rally round, and the pilots will all piss off to the next island contract where tax breaks and free housing will make this all a distant memory...
When XL went under it was the end of the world for many, lost and bewildered and not sure how to cope with not seeing so many friends every day, and wondering how to pay the bills. It was talk of the town for a week, and then people moved on. A cluster of old employees kept fighting, kept believing it would be born again... and then people moved on, and soon it became just another former airline. Another DanAir, Caledonian, Laker...
So from this downbeat mood new determination arises to start something new. To get involved in something more positive, more useful. I need to deal with people who want to change things. When project managers run away from change then I know I am in the wrong building. I need to change the world. I need to be with people who want to listen to new ideas, who want to change their minds when they meet a good idea...
Maybe i should stand for parliament?
This travelling game is fun isnt it? Four weeks now in Dublin, and it is getting a little tedious. Its nice to be in a country where the people are friendly, they talk the same language and you can always get decent food (so different to America). Comes a time though when thoughts turn to home, and thats always hard. Miss my woman - a strange thing which no one seems to understand. Why is it so strange to want to be at home snuggled on the sofa or walking the dogs, talking crap and just sharing space...
Every day in the office i have to offer my advice and opinion and see the herd trample it underfoot in their efforts to do the complete opposite. And then i have to explain patiently why what they did broke the system. And then have to find a workaround so that they can carry on doing what they are doing. Ethically i have found this contract quite difficult, as various practices do not look meet my standards. I have put my concerns in writing, but no one here has a loud enough voice to make a difference, and most of them seem to like it that way. I was always trained about the "subsequent board of enquiry" - would i be able to stand in the dock and say i had no guilty conscience about the pilot being tired when he landed in the side of the hill... Maybe that's just me. By refusing to help with these things am i doing the right thing, or should i just do whatever the customer wants? Sometimes its hard to think of the crew as humans, and not just employee numbers. And here they have completely lost sight of the idea that passengers are any more than just seats filled as against seats empty. Its sad, as the future of airlines of this size rely on the passion and professionalism of its people, and you see less of both all the time. The Mothership will soon descend from the sky and swallow up this little enclave, and apart from a few dozen locals no one will shed too many tears. New jobs will be found by the majority, new careers they never dreamed of, or crappy jobs they never wanted. Their friends will rally round, and the pilots will all piss off to the next island contract where tax breaks and free housing will make this all a distant memory...
When XL went under it was the end of the world for many, lost and bewildered and not sure how to cope with not seeing so many friends every day, and wondering how to pay the bills. It was talk of the town for a week, and then people moved on. A cluster of old employees kept fighting, kept believing it would be born again... and then people moved on, and soon it became just another former airline. Another DanAir, Caledonian, Laker...
So from this downbeat mood new determination arises to start something new. To get involved in something more positive, more useful. I need to deal with people who want to change things. When project managers run away from change then I know I am in the wrong building. I need to change the world. I need to be with people who want to listen to new ideas, who want to change their minds when they meet a good idea...
Maybe i should stand for parliament?
Wednesday 13 May 2009
MPs... well you have to mention it
And i think all you need to do is tip the hat to Douglas Hogg MP.
Just over 2 grand to have his moat cleaned. Yes, his moat.
So how to fix it? Simple, treat them like we treat airline crew.
Firstly reduce their salary to 50k, and then hopefully only those who actually want to work rather than earn would run for the job.
Secondly, the House sets up a travel department, which organises air and train tickets, and hotel rooms in London near Westminster.
The MP calls them and says "I will be attending tomorrow and whenever," and they book him travel and a room.
Receipts for food, or maybe even a per diem.
Take away the profit motive. After all, why on earth should there be a profit motive. Why should it be a job for life? If you want to serve, you will stay. If you want to take the cash, then take the directorships now.
Sometimes we make things too complicated, and thats when loopholes appear...
Just over 2 grand to have his moat cleaned. Yes, his moat.
So how to fix it? Simple, treat them like we treat airline crew.
Firstly reduce their salary to 50k, and then hopefully only those who actually want to work rather than earn would run for the job.
Secondly, the House sets up a travel department, which organises air and train tickets, and hotel rooms in London near Westminster.
The MP calls them and says "I will be attending tomorrow and whenever," and they book him travel and a room.
Receipts for food, or maybe even a per diem.
Take away the profit motive. After all, why on earth should there be a profit motive. Why should it be a job for life? If you want to serve, you will stay. If you want to take the cash, then take the directorships now.
Sometimes we make things too complicated, and thats when loopholes appear...
Peter and Jordan
I apologise for no recent blogs, but the news of Peter Andre and Katie "Jordan" Price splitting has left me devestated.
Coming so soon after the death of Jade, Princess of our Tarts, it has left me short in the heroes and role models department.
Where once I had Diana who could wear really expensive dresses and have her hair done so nicely that she looked like a Princess, now there is only Kate Winslett.
Where i used to dream of being as clever and quick witted as David Beckham, now i dream only of beating Wayne Rooney at Connect 4.
In olden days i could rely on Mariah Carey not doing stairs. I knew that Ben Kingsley would remind me to call him Sir Ben. It was taken as read that Naomi Campbell was chucking phones and in court...
Then Jade died, and although the queue for pies got a lot shorter something inside me was hurting. Even the reforming of Spandau Ballet couldnt ease the pain...
And now this. Now this...
If i can quote from our 3 leading newspaper front pages this morning (and apologies if they are the wrong way round):
The Sun: PETER MUST BE GAY BECAUSE HE WONT SLEEP WITH ME
The Star: PETER: I'M CELIBATE GET ME OUT OF HERE - JORDAN DOESNT WANT SEX
The Other One: JORDAN - TAKE ME BACK I'LL DO ANYTHING.
Please, Peter. Please. For all of us out here who need you. Who need JordAnDre (did you see what i did there?) to be there. Even though you cant hear our silent screams of adulation, know that we love you. We wish you all the best. And we truly wish you get the privacy and peace that you deserve. The thought of 2 teams of publicists signing multi million pound deals without your consent is a horrible thought.
We love you both.
Monday 4 May 2009
Welcome Squiffy
Please welcome Squiffy, fresh from the Cats' Protection League, with his heart murmur, missing teeth, displaced trachea (???) and cystitis. And aggressive attitude. And clumps of hair falling out... But welcome the old boy anyway...
Monday 27 April 2009
Dumbing way too far down
Waiting for a flight at London City, with BBC breakfast news on the wall.
Anchor man is interviewing disabled man hobbling around marathon course on crutches...
"You are covering about 2 miles a day, and the course is about 26 miles. How many days will it take you to finish?"
Anchor man is interviewing disabled man hobbling around marathon course on crutches...
"You are covering about 2 miles a day, and the course is about 26 miles. How many days will it take you to finish?"
Thursday 23 April 2009
Business Class Update
For those of you like Polly who want to keep up to date on what is happening at the front end of our aircraft... Had to fly economy back from Stockholm last week as it was internal training so couldnt bill it to one of our lucky customers. And i missed the chance to sit between Nick Beggs and Kim Smith. Let me take you back to the departure lounge... everyone else had booked on the 4pm flight, but being a company boy i booked on the 6.15. Sat drinking my 3rd coffee when they announce boarding from my row back. So i trundle over to the back of the line where i stand behind a group of guys wearing sunglasses. Not essential, thinks I, and ignores them. And then you notice the cowboy boots. And flat caps. And bizarre facial hair arrangements. And very expensive baggage. Drug dealers, you think. Maybe backing band for someone like Phil Collins or David Hasselhoff. And you think no more of it. Then at the other end you stand behind them again at passports. And they have added a dumpy little blonde to their number. She is about 50, hair has been bleached far too often, and you can tell she was once cute and dirty, now just looks a bit messy and dirty. 5 foot nothing, and squeezed into a black and diamond short thing, with leggings and boots. Signs of money. Probably designer clothing. Its Kim Wilde. God, it is as well! 
So i play it cool, thinking the backing band look like a bunch of idiots, dont want to be associated with them. And then as i wait at the baggage claim, off come all the hard cases with KAJAGOOGOO stamped on the side. I trawl my bag over to customer services (for the 4th damaged bag this year) and there beside me is the mighty Nick Beggs (use Wikipedia, i had to) complaining that his case has been scratched and bumped.
I like to think that it was that sitar / guitar thing that was in the case he damaged...
So i play it cool, thinking the backing band look like a bunch of idiots, dont want to be associated with them. And then as i wait at the baggage claim, off come all the hard cases with KAJAGOOGOO stamped on the side. I trawl my bag over to customer services (for the 4th damaged bag this year) and there beside me is the mighty Nick Beggs (use Wikipedia, i had to) complaining that his case has been scratched and bumped.I like to think that it was that sitar / guitar thing that was in the case he damaged...
Wednesday 22 April 2009
St George's Day
Britain is great, and here is why.
The Newspapers.
BBC.
Football.
The South Downs.
Drinking water.
Jade is dead.
Bluebells.
Animal rights.
The language.
The freedom to shout at policeman.
The fact that people who shout at policemen are arrested.
The fact that people who are arrested for shouting at policemen are generally not killed in secret.
Cakes.
Spring evenings with the orange sunlight, swarms of midges and children playing.
Castles.
Vimto and marmite.
Terriers. One for each village north of Rutland.
Rivers. Riverside pubs. Watching dogs shake themselves as they climb out. Barges. Locks. Ok, canals as well then.
London Brick Company.
Chimney sweeps.
Roses.
Stephen Fry.
Chips.
The London Underground. Go on then, you build it better.
May Bank Holidays.
Oak trees.
Driving on the left.
Proper shoes.
Stags at bay.
Regional accents. Especially funny ones you cant understand. And Brummie.
History. Real proper, we started it, we were there, we did it history, Not American wham bam now you're history.
Mark Steel.
The Beatles. The Stones. Led Zeppelin. Queen. The Smiths. Radiohead, Ooberman. It could all only have been British, and it was, and it changed the world.
The NHS. If you want to criticise it, first get operated on in the Sub-Saharan African country of your choice - any one beginning with Democratic Republic of.
Shakespeare. You dont have to read the stuff, just appreciate that he wrote the book.
Funiculars.
Cadburys.
Being able to buy anything, absolutely anything, at an affordable price in Tesco. It may be bad for so many reasons, but for me and you its brilliant.
We dont use phrases like "leverage the economic opportunity to maximise the customer service advantage." Or "EBITDA 1Q over 1Q is 47.5% better YOY… Revenue was 1% below plan. Net /net we are well ahead of plan." Both in recent emails from my American boss.
The Houses of Parliament. Ok it doesnt work this year, but the building, the green benches, the position of speaker, the tradition, the history, the meaning behind it all...
English Beer. Spitfire. Old Speckled Hen. 6X. Fursty Ferret.
We are the transport hub of the world. Heathrow really is the centre of the planet.
Meadows, with daisies and bunny rabbits.
Cheese. Wensleydale, Caerphilly, Cheddar, Stilton....
We can all be negative, we can all write a longer list of things that are wrong. But I say stand tall for England, King Harry and St George. Lets celebrate this great nation, just for a day, No comparisons to any one else, no exclusion of anyone who happens to be here on this day. Lets just celebrate that we live in the most historic nation on earth, and speak the most beautiful glorious language there is.
Rule Britannia.
The Newspapers.
BBC.
Football.
The South Downs.
Drinking water.
Jade is dead.
Bluebells.
Animal rights.
The language.
The freedom to shout at policeman.
The fact that people who shout at policemen are arrested.
The fact that people who are arrested for shouting at policemen are generally not killed in secret.
Cakes.
Spring evenings with the orange sunlight, swarms of midges and children playing.
Castles.
Vimto and marmite.
Terriers. One for each village north of Rutland.
Rivers. Riverside pubs. Watching dogs shake themselves as they climb out. Barges. Locks. Ok, canals as well then.
London Brick Company.
Chimney sweeps.
Roses.
Stephen Fry.
Chips.
The London Underground. Go on then, you build it better.
May Bank Holidays.
Oak trees.
Driving on the left.
Proper shoes.
Stags at bay.
Regional accents. Especially funny ones you cant understand. And Brummie.
History. Real proper, we started it, we were there, we did it history, Not American wham bam now you're history.
Mark Steel.
The Beatles. The Stones. Led Zeppelin. Queen. The Smiths. Radiohead, Ooberman. It could all only have been British, and it was, and it changed the world.
The NHS. If you want to criticise it, first get operated on in the Sub-Saharan African country of your choice - any one beginning with Democratic Republic of.
Shakespeare. You dont have to read the stuff, just appreciate that he wrote the book.
Funiculars.
Cadburys.
Being able to buy anything, absolutely anything, at an affordable price in Tesco. It may be bad for so many reasons, but for me and you its brilliant.
We dont use phrases like "leverage the economic opportunity to maximise the customer service advantage." Or "EBITDA 1Q over 1Q is 47.5% better YOY… Revenue was 1% below plan. Net /net we are well ahead of plan." Both in recent emails from my American boss.
The Houses of Parliament. Ok it doesnt work this year, but the building, the green benches, the position of speaker, the tradition, the history, the meaning behind it all...
English Beer. Spitfire. Old Speckled Hen. 6X. Fursty Ferret.
We are the transport hub of the world. Heathrow really is the centre of the planet.
Meadows, with daisies and bunny rabbits.
Cheese. Wensleydale, Caerphilly, Cheddar, Stilton....
We can all be negative, we can all write a longer list of things that are wrong. But I say stand tall for England, King Harry and St George. Lets celebrate this great nation, just for a day, No comparisons to any one else, no exclusion of anyone who happens to be here on this day. Lets just celebrate that we live in the most historic nation on earth, and speak the most beautiful glorious language there is.
Rule Britannia.
Gawd Bless
You can say what you like about the Queen, and she wont punch you in the face. That is one of her endearing qualities. Seriously though, i have no idea how she has reached the age of 83 without smacking some idiot with a mace or whatever she carries around. Ma'am this, ma'am that, fresh paint, no one else ever in the toilet, and she has reigned through the Swinging Sixties, the power strikes, Duran Duran, Eastenders, Blair and his wars... and then she had to put up with the public baying for action when the moistened wastrel Diana finally went to the great free yacht holiday in the sky... SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO WEEP LIKE YOU IN THE STREET - SHE'S THE BLOODY QUEEN!!! And the death of Jade showed us just how measured and accurate those weeping harpies were... And she has had to live with Philip alongside her for over 60 years - there must have been a moment when they got home after he told the factory workers "looks like it was built by Indians" that she wanted to boff him with a corgi... But anyway, my point is, the bloody Queen. She is truly marvelous. I will never see a monarch like her again in my lifetime. If Charles takes over in 5 years he will be nearly 70 so wont be on the throne for more than 20 years, by which time i will be 60 ish. So Wills would have to reign until i was about 107 to last as long in my lifetime as Liz. But anyway, the point is, the Queen. Wonderful woman. ANd yesterday was her birthday, and tomorrow is St George's Day, And i just wanted to say to The Independent "SHAME ON YOU." How we laughed when they employed the Private Eye method of reporting royal stories - "Duchess has baby, bear takes Andrex to woods" type thing... But yesterday they shamed themselves. I searched the paper in vain.. and then in small type... in the area normally reserved for celebs, retired naval colonels and "author of definitive guide to Polynesian fungi and butterflies" type people, well there it sat.
BIRTHDAYS
The Queen, 83.
BIRTHDAYS
The Queen, 83.
Friday 10 April 2009
Ah let's patronise the little people...
Bless!
Malta departures lounge, Hard Rock Cafe...
You normally expect thongs worn by Madonna, Prince's discarded stewardesses or Bruce's gee-tar.
Its a bit smaller here in Malta....
Melissa Etheridge and Hootie and the Blowfish have signed guitars, and there is a glass case just for a pair of shoes apparently worn by the late John Entwistle, he of The Who.
Malta departures lounge, Hard Rock Cafe...
You normally expect thongs worn by Madonna, Prince's discarded stewardesses or Bruce's gee-tar.
Its a bit smaller here in Malta....
Melissa Etheridge and Hootie and the Blowfish have signed guitars, and there is a glass case just for a pair of shoes apparently worn by the late John Entwistle, he of The Who.
Sunday 5 April 2009
Room Service
Back in Malta and staying in the trendy little Juliani...
Been in the room 10 minutes and there is a knock at the door...
Open it to find a cute young girls standing there with a smile....
She reaches out... and she is holding a big jar of Lindt chocolates!
"Chocolate, Sir?"
"Yes please!!"
"Take another one.." and with a smile she is gone.
Hotels take note - that is the way to welcome guests. Forget all this 3 day pass to the gym, 10% off the Sushi restaurant or free shower caps :)
Been in the room 10 minutes and there is a knock at the door...
Open it to find a cute young girls standing there with a smile....
She reaches out... and she is holding a big jar of Lindt chocolates!
"Chocolate, Sir?"
"Yes please!!"
"Take another one.." and with a smile she is gone.
Hotels take note - that is the way to welcome guests. Forget all this 3 day pass to the gym, 10% off the Sushi restaurant or free shower caps :)
Monday 30 March 2009
If I Could be for an only an hour... cute... in a stupid ass way!
Hope you all spotted the title was the catchy line from Jacques Brel's "Jackie"...
So who cares whether Mr Smith watched porn, Oceans 13 or the Teletubbies. Claiming for it was the wrongness.
And Ms Smith's defence - "I will carry on doing my job because people are not interested in this tittle-tattle" or something similar.
And last week, when it was exposed she had claimed £116,000, effectively by staying with her sister during the week: "The electorate are not concerned by this party political game...".
Au contraire Jacqui, we are very, very concerned. And that is why I predict not a Labour victory next time out, nor a Tory, not even a Lib Dem / BNP alliance... but I predict the lowest turnout ever in a national election.
And that will be all because the Labour MPs who rode in on a ticket of good honest values, and no more sleaze, have proved themselves more shameful than even the Tory's Fattest Cats.
They have killed democracy in this country.
And a new game to play - what on earth has to happen to get a Labour minister to resign? Say what you like about Mandy, he did the honourable thing twice. Shame it wasnt with a service revolver...
"Locked up inside my opium den, surrounded by some Chinamen, I'd sing the song that i sung then, about the time they called me Jacqui...."
So who cares whether Mr Smith watched porn, Oceans 13 or the Teletubbies. Claiming for it was the wrongness.
And Ms Smith's defence - "I will carry on doing my job because people are not interested in this tittle-tattle" or something similar.
And last week, when it was exposed she had claimed £116,000, effectively by staying with her sister during the week: "The electorate are not concerned by this party political game...".
Au contraire Jacqui, we are very, very concerned. And that is why I predict not a Labour victory next time out, nor a Tory, not even a Lib Dem / BNP alliance... but I predict the lowest turnout ever in a national election.
And that will be all because the Labour MPs who rode in on a ticket of good honest values, and no more sleaze, have proved themselves more shameful than even the Tory's Fattest Cats.
They have killed democracy in this country.
And a new game to play - what on earth has to happen to get a Labour minister to resign? Say what you like about Mandy, he did the honourable thing twice. Shame it wasnt with a service revolver...
"Locked up inside my opium den, surrounded by some Chinamen, I'd sing the song that i sung then, about the time they called me Jacqui...."
Tuesday 24 March 2009
Belated birthday news
Last year the wife bought me 2 tickets to Bruce Springsteen for my birthday.
This year she bought me a monkey.
Gotta love that woman.
http://www.monkeyworld.co.uk/topic.php?TopicID=25&Template=standard
Check out Bryan :)
This year she bought me a monkey.Gotta love that woman.
http://www.monkeyworld.co.uk/topic.php?TopicID=25&Template=standard
Check out Bryan :)
Monday 23 March 2009
PS: Pot Noodle
Forgot to add one thing about the Pot Noodle i was served in business class...
The instructions on the lid advise you to add 326ml of hot water.
Does anyone have a foolproof way of measuring exactly 326ml?
The instructions on the lid advise you to add 326ml of hot water.
Does anyone have a foolproof way of measuring exactly 326ml?
Sunday 22 March 2009
Ding Dong - probably the final Jade post on here!
It was reported with much wailing and gnashing of teeth that the "reality tv star" Jade Goody passed during the night.
Apparently her dying wish was to live until this morning so she could get a mother's day hug from her kids.
But she didn't.
For those of you forget quickly, the terms she used in Celebrity Big Brother were "Shilpa Poppadom", "Shilpa Fuckawalla", "Shilpa Pashwa whoever you fucking are", and then laughing at Danielle Lloyd who said "She's a dog They eat with their hands don't they? You don't know where their hands have been. She can't even speak English properly, she should fuck off home." Her reply to Jade's comment about "Shilpa Poppodom."? "That was fucking fantastic, i love it. I think she should fuck off home."
Cue much laughing and sniggering.
She signed up for the London Marathon and "trained" by eating a curry the night before. When interviewed afterwards she said "I don't really understand miles, i didn't actually know how far it was going to be. The most i ever run on the treadmill was half an hour."
She thought Cambridge was part of London, and that East "Angular" was abroad.
Her "husband" is a violent, convicted thug, who i am sure will entertain very soon with his memoirs.
There is some kind of weird irony that the cancer started where it did, but lets not go there.
And now she is dead, which is nice...
Apparently her dying wish was to live until this morning so she could get a mother's day hug from her kids.
But she didn't.
For those of you forget quickly, the terms she used in Celebrity Big Brother were "Shilpa Poppadom", "Shilpa Fuckawalla", "Shilpa Pashwa whoever you fucking are", and then laughing at Danielle Lloyd who said "She's a dog They eat with their hands don't they? You don't know where their hands have been. She can't even speak English properly, she should fuck off home." Her reply to Jade's comment about "Shilpa Poppodom."? "That was fucking fantastic, i love it. I think she should fuck off home."
Cue much laughing and sniggering.
She signed up for the London Marathon and "trained" by eating a curry the night before. When interviewed afterwards she said "I don't really understand miles, i didn't actually know how far it was going to be. The most i ever run on the treadmill was half an hour."
She thought Cambridge was part of London, and that East "Angular" was abroad.
Her "husband" is a violent, convicted thug, who i am sure will entertain very soon with his memoirs.
There is some kind of weird irony that the cancer started where it did, but lets not go there.
And now she is dead, which is nice...
Monday 16 March 2009
Singapore
I may have only been transiting through Singapore, but i had a great time! And i lost my bag on the way...Qantas delivered me half an hour late, so i stepped off (first) from the A380 at 8.28. I got met by a lady on a golf buggy who drove like a demented lunatic through the busiest, longest airport terminal i have ever seen. We started at gate C30ish, and finished at F60. And every letter had 60 gates. And with all those gates you can imagine how many people were around - and we just ploughed down the carpet honking at people and hoping they were going to move... brilliant fun and everyone should give it a go!And then on Silkair, with the tiniest little hosties in their nice little green silk dresses... and one of them wondered up to me in my seat and said in perfect English "Good morning Mr Stewart, can i get you a drink." They could teach those Qantas / BA / American hosties a thing or two in customer service. Throughout the flight every time a hostie walked past, even ones i hadnt seen before, smiled and used my name. Excellent customer service - and i know i'm quick enough to knock it when its bad, so a big thumbs up from me is worth ten from you!And then the crowning glory... bureaucracy had not told them i was veggie. Qantas knew it a few hours earlier, but it hadnt transferred... so two of them put their heads together, disappeared behind the curtain, and came back with a vegetarian pot noodle! Where the hell did they find that at 37,000 feet??? Considering most hosties wander off and bring me back something with fish and purser spit in it i was very impressed. And warm crunchy garlic bread, and a rye bread roll... and the Qantas breakfast had been two slices of cold bread (on the menu it clearly said "toast" and they forgot tea and coffee entirely...)
GENIUS
BECAUSE ALL BUSINESS CLASS FOOD MUST BE SERVED ON DOILIES
So, my new favourite airline, Silkair. My best flight ever? Well, until we landed...We stopped on a taxiway in the middle of nowhere, although there was a marshall waving the old lollipops so we were clearly expected. The only building i could see was the international cargo centre. And then we got a PA which said that everyone had to stay seated while the VIPs got off, as we were at the VIP terminal. Thinking this was for me i rose to get my bag, but was gently lowered back into my seat. And from the back of the aircraft about 20 women in very colourful local dress accompanied by a dozen kids and 300 bags of shopping came barging through. They got off, and a tug then reversed us about 200 yards until we found a lonely air bridge that had been waiting for us. And one of my little hosties then grabbed every economy passenger who had chanced their arm, and marched them back to their seats! At last, something i have wanted to see for years.So Silkair, i love ya!And oh yeah, the A380. Well its a big plane really. For a moment back there i was excited, but up close, and from the inside, i might as well have been on the 777. Plane. Yawn.And because Qantas were late i am now in the priviledged position of being separated from my bag for the 3rd time in 7 weeks. If anyone knows what the record for a calendar year is do please let me know. But again, the mad woman driving me around the airport told me to go to Lost and Found at Bandar and they would collect it from the next flight. Expecting European standards of appalling disinterest and rudeness (yes, thats you TAP and Alitalia) i wandered up to the lost and found desk as commanded, to be waved in by a happy smily chap (with a wild hacking cough) who greeted me with "Mr Stewart?". He filled in the paperwork for me, walked me through customs to find my pickup, explained to him what was going on and that i needed to wait 2 hours, and then recommended the best cafe and where to meet the driver later. I can not stress how well the locals down here have dealt with a problem not of their making, and reinforced all my beliefs that European aviation is doomed - and dont even get me onto European society!Need to talk to the missus and see if we can move to Singapore, just so i can fly Silkair more often.
Thursday 12 March 2009
Comic Soddin Relief
I know i am a miserable old bugger who wees in the milk of human kindness, and laughs at stories of 10 year old girls having their heads bitten off by crocodiles "larger than buses" (ie 40 feet long, 14 foot high and about 10 foot across, weighing around 6 tons - nicely researched Mr Sun Journalist :) )....
So you have probably guessed by now that this is not a piece that is going to include the words "give" and "generously" very close to each other.
I object to the BBC being involved in this. They are not just reporting on it, they are actually giving over many, many hours of TV and radio airtime, and giving their presenters and stars' time all over the place. Radio5 have people in Kenya, Radio1 sent some idiots up Kilimanjaro, the BBC keeps showing us pictures of dying children (which i have learnt are not funny, apparently).
The BBC is funded by taxpayers' money. These celebs are paid from the public purse. How can the BBC refuse to show an appeal for Gaza, but then say we should raise money for a school in Sudan, where the president has just been accused of genocide?
And i dont want to wear a bloody red nose and do something "funny." Wearing pyjamas to school, sitting in custard, getting your head shaved - its just not funny. I dont have spare cash - i have bills to pay, dogs to feed and Costa Coffee refuse to give away free coffee. I have worked hard for 20 years, paid my debts, paid my bills, and when i need a spare 20 quid no one knocks on my door.
Aid doesnt help these people. Since WW2 we have sent over 60,000,000,000 pounds to Africa in aid. (Not just the UK, dont be silly). And we have not spent it wisely. It doesnt matter what we do, the governments have wasted it all. Its not racist to call someone incompetent, and unfortunately that is what the vast majority of African leaders have been. When we started this, 10% of Africans lived in poverty. Today, 70% do. That means the situation is 700% worse.
There is no point sending kids to school - there wont be any jobs for them when they finish. And that is why there is poverty. We have not developed their economies, we have not spent the money investing in infrastructure, in creating wealth. Why are China, India, Indonesia, South America all doing so much better than Africa? Because central governments have planned for the future, they havent just squabbled with their neighbours about diamonds and who should get the bags of rice. This is a massive failing of the World Bank, the UN, the US and UK and all the other huge global organisations who are run by the rich Western countries who quite like the status quo. One day the Americans will work out that there are a billion potential customers in Africa, and then copy the Chinese who are all over the continent building roads, bridges, railways, hotels - investing in infrastructure.
So if it makes you feel better to buy a red nose and act like an idiot, do it. But please dont think you're really helping.
The West could put clean drinking water into every African village tomorrow if it wanted to. Just think of the numbers.
The banks just got 700,000,000,000 pounds
Comic Relief collects 30,000,000 pounds.
Put your money back into your own family, and vote for the party that promises to put water into every village. Then you would have made a change.
But then you wont get your own name read out on the radio, or maybe even on telly. So you wont...
So you have probably guessed by now that this is not a piece that is going to include the words "give" and "generously" very close to each other.
I object to the BBC being involved in this. They are not just reporting on it, they are actually giving over many, many hours of TV and radio airtime, and giving their presenters and stars' time all over the place. Radio5 have people in Kenya, Radio1 sent some idiots up Kilimanjaro, the BBC keeps showing us pictures of dying children (which i have learnt are not funny, apparently).
The BBC is funded by taxpayers' money. These celebs are paid from the public purse. How can the BBC refuse to show an appeal for Gaza, but then say we should raise money for a school in Sudan, where the president has just been accused of genocide?
And i dont want to wear a bloody red nose and do something "funny." Wearing pyjamas to school, sitting in custard, getting your head shaved - its just not funny. I dont have spare cash - i have bills to pay, dogs to feed and Costa Coffee refuse to give away free coffee. I have worked hard for 20 years, paid my debts, paid my bills, and when i need a spare 20 quid no one knocks on my door.
Aid doesnt help these people. Since WW2 we have sent over 60,000,000,000 pounds to Africa in aid. (Not just the UK, dont be silly). And we have not spent it wisely. It doesnt matter what we do, the governments have wasted it all. Its not racist to call someone incompetent, and unfortunately that is what the vast majority of African leaders have been. When we started this, 10% of Africans lived in poverty. Today, 70% do. That means the situation is 700% worse.
There is no point sending kids to school - there wont be any jobs for them when they finish. And that is why there is poverty. We have not developed their economies, we have not spent the money investing in infrastructure, in creating wealth. Why are China, India, Indonesia, South America all doing so much better than Africa? Because central governments have planned for the future, they havent just squabbled with their neighbours about diamonds and who should get the bags of rice. This is a massive failing of the World Bank, the UN, the US and UK and all the other huge global organisations who are run by the rich Western countries who quite like the status quo. One day the Americans will work out that there are a billion potential customers in Africa, and then copy the Chinese who are all over the continent building roads, bridges, railways, hotels - investing in infrastructure.
So if it makes you feel better to buy a red nose and act like an idiot, do it. But please dont think you're really helping.
The West could put clean drinking water into every African village tomorrow if it wanted to. Just think of the numbers.
The banks just got 700,000,000,000 pounds
Comic Relief collects 30,000,000 pounds.
Put your money back into your own family, and vote for the party that promises to put water into every village. Then you would have made a change.
But then you wont get your own name read out on the radio, or maybe even on telly. So you wont...
Thanks Jonny Mac, for making me read the Sun
Its brilliant! I forgot how much fun you can have!
Today's best story - undoubtedly the man who had his bits chewed on by a horse. Perhaps one of the best photos ever used to illustrate a news story...
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2315461.ece
Also, a lesson for me on where to draw the line. Apparently a horse biting off a man's meat and two veg is a humorous story (after all, he was a foreigner), where as the story of a crocodile who bit a 10 year old girl's head clean off is treated as a human tragedy. Sounds quite similar to me. Interestingly they dont say whether the girl survived, just that they found a headless body 3 days later...
And then we get Jose Mourinho accused of punching a Man Utd fan who was apparently chanting abusive words at him. Picture the scene - he was leaving the ground, heading for the team bus, to take him to the airport back to Italy where he lives.
What was the fan singing???
"You're going home." Ok, he repeated it twice, but how on earth is that anything other than a factual comment on the current activity of the Special One?
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2315266.ece
Today's best story - undoubtedly the man who had his bits chewed on by a horse. Perhaps one of the best photos ever used to illustrate a news story...
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2315461.ece
Also, a lesson for me on where to draw the line. Apparently a horse biting off a man's meat and two veg is a humorous story (after all, he was a foreigner), where as the story of a crocodile who bit a 10 year old girl's head clean off is treated as a human tragedy. Sounds quite similar to me. Interestingly they dont say whether the girl survived, just that they found a headless body 3 days later...
And then we get Jose Mourinho accused of punching a Man Utd fan who was apparently chanting abusive words at him. Picture the scene - he was leaving the ground, heading for the team bus, to take him to the airport back to Italy where he lives.
What was the fan singing???
"You're going home." Ok, he repeated it twice, but how on earth is that anything other than a factual comment on the current activity of the Special One?
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2315266.ece
And finally, my current bete noire... does anyone else remember the words "Jade's last interview, now she wants privacy and to die in peace..."
No? Just me then... I got told that saying "good riddance, Jade" was controversial. How does "Just die already???" score on the scale? Just because someone has a bad disease, does not mean they are a good person...
Tuesday 10 March 2009
Thats what i've been trying to say...
Matthew Parris in Saturday's Times:
"We didn't elect the government to manage the house, but to build the house."
Exactly. All this politics of reaction, trying to answer what the other bloke said, before he says it, press releases read out on Today to tell us what a minister will say at lunch time so that the opposition can rubbish it before he says it, all the reacting to whatever is in the paper that morning, the prime minister making comments on Come Dancing or the X Factor...
Every politician today is so obsessed with the spin, the look, the message... I yearn for the days when the government were identikit men in suits who you never heard of because they were taking 3 years to set up the NHS. Can you imagine Bevan, McMillan, Churchill putting out press statements at 7am to say that later that day they would visit a school to ask pupils if they had any idea how to incorporate mobile phone voting into the Bank bailout plan?
A man in a suit would have read out a short statement saying "I have just invented the Social Security system, please visit your town hall for more details." And bloody good it would have been too.... Am i getting old?
ps Can you imagine Churchill and Chamberlain appearing on the radio at all at 10 past 8 to argue via John Humphrys about the merits of being nice to that Mr Hitler chap... and being told, with respect, that they were an absolute nincompoop, and could they please answer the question...
"We didn't elect the government to manage the house, but to build the house."
Exactly. All this politics of reaction, trying to answer what the other bloke said, before he says it, press releases read out on Today to tell us what a minister will say at lunch time so that the opposition can rubbish it before he says it, all the reacting to whatever is in the paper that morning, the prime minister making comments on Come Dancing or the X Factor...
Every politician today is so obsessed with the spin, the look, the message... I yearn for the days when the government were identikit men in suits who you never heard of because they were taking 3 years to set up the NHS. Can you imagine Bevan, McMillan, Churchill putting out press statements at 7am to say that later that day they would visit a school to ask pupils if they had any idea how to incorporate mobile phone voting into the Bank bailout plan?
A man in a suit would have read out a short statement saying "I have just invented the Social Security system, please visit your town hall for more details." And bloody good it would have been too.... Am i getting old?
ps Can you imagine Churchill and Chamberlain appearing on the radio at all at 10 past 8 to argue via John Humphrys about the merits of being nice to that Mr Hitler chap... and being told, with respect, that they were an absolute nincompoop, and could they please answer the question...
Friday 6 March 2009
Myners - its not technically illegal....
So, Lord Myners worked as a director in banking.
His bank were bought by Natwest.
Natwest were then bought by RBS.
He stepped down, i think before Fred Goodwin became CEO, but they would have been aware of each other.
Years later, he gets to decide whether Fred Goodwin gets a huge pension and pay out.
As he has said, its not illegal, and as they never directly worked for or with each other, its not technically a conflict of interest.
But, it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and to the uneducated man in the street, sure as hell looks like a duck. Calling it a drake doesnt make it ok.
Dont forget, as per Mandy, Myners is unelected. At least he doesnt draw a government salary. And after all why should he, as in the last year he started collecting his generous pension from...er.. well after all the takeovers it would be from RBS... so that's us then...
Quack.
His bank were bought by Natwest.
Natwest were then bought by RBS.
He stepped down, i think before Fred Goodwin became CEO, but they would have been aware of each other.
Years later, he gets to decide whether Fred Goodwin gets a huge pension and pay out.
As he has said, its not illegal, and as they never directly worked for or with each other, its not technically a conflict of interest.
But, it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and to the uneducated man in the street, sure as hell looks like a duck. Calling it a drake doesnt make it ok.
Dont forget, as per Mandy, Myners is unelected. At least he doesnt draw a government salary. And after all why should he, as in the last year he started collecting his generous pension from...er.. well after all the takeovers it would be from RBS... so that's us then...
Quack.
Tuesday 3 March 2009
Southend United - memories of the worst team ever...
The Carling Cup final is not normally something that makes one think of the Shrimpers, but this weekend something was reported that made me very nearly spit my large extra hot skinny mocha all over the back page of the Times... Man Utd's goalkeeping coach is one Mr Eric Steele. Amongst his history is one season as the worst goalkeeper Southend United ever had.
Let me take you back to the summer of 1987. Dave Webb the ex Chelsea star who had shown great promise as a manager had stormed out, and after appointing Paul Clark as caretaker the chairman, Vic Jobson, PBUH, appointed Dick Bate as manager. The season started with two average 2-2 draws to keep us guessing which way the season was going to go... and then started a run of 6 consecutive defeats. And they weren't 1-0. 8-1 Gillingham stuffed us. I know, i went to Kent and counted each one of them... And our goal was an own goal so you could call it 9-0. Then 2-1, then 6-2 to Notts County, and a 3-2, 4-1 and 1-0. Eight games into the season, and 28 goals conceded. All past Eric Steele. And then Dick Bate got sacked, and effectively the same team beat top division Derby 1-0 in the League (now Carling) Cup. Roy McDonough scored the winner and the local paper headlined it Roy Boy's Derby Joy. Those amongst you in the know will remember Roy McDonough as the man who holds the English league record for red cards, with something like 14 in his years at Southend and Colchester. (A man i fondly remember knocking out a Newport defender with a beautiful right hander in the 6th minute of an FA Cup game - he didnt even look for the referee but strode majestically straight off the pitch and down the tunnel.)
A few weeks later they did share a 7 goal thriller at Sunderland (attendance about 12,000 in those days) - we scored none of them...
We finished the season winning 7 of our last 10 games, including the last one 4-0 against Blackpool when defeat would have relegated us instead of Rotherham. So i remember Dick and Eric as the biggest clowns in one of the most eventful seasons at the Hall. Dick went on to be England U19 manager before another ex Shrimpers boss Peter Taylor took over. How Eric got to be a goalkeeping coach anywhere is a miracle, but at Old Trafford????
My thanks to statto.com for confirming my worst memories....
And no thanks to ericsteelecoachingservices.co.uk which was last updated about 4 years ago...
Let me take you back to the summer of 1987. Dave Webb the ex Chelsea star who had shown great promise as a manager had stormed out, and after appointing Paul Clark as caretaker the chairman, Vic Jobson, PBUH, appointed Dick Bate as manager. The season started with two average 2-2 draws to keep us guessing which way the season was going to go... and then started a run of 6 consecutive defeats. And they weren't 1-0. 8-1 Gillingham stuffed us. I know, i went to Kent and counted each one of them... And our goal was an own goal so you could call it 9-0. Then 2-1, then 6-2 to Notts County, and a 3-2, 4-1 and 1-0. Eight games into the season, and 28 goals conceded. All past Eric Steele. And then Dick Bate got sacked, and effectively the same team beat top division Derby 1-0 in the League (now Carling) Cup. Roy McDonough scored the winner and the local paper headlined it Roy Boy's Derby Joy. Those amongst you in the know will remember Roy McDonough as the man who holds the English league record for red cards, with something like 14 in his years at Southend and Colchester. (A man i fondly remember knocking out a Newport defender with a beautiful right hander in the 6th minute of an FA Cup game - he didnt even look for the referee but strode majestically straight off the pitch and down the tunnel.)
A few weeks later they did share a 7 goal thriller at Sunderland (attendance about 12,000 in those days) - we scored none of them...
We finished the season winning 7 of our last 10 games, including the last one 4-0 against Blackpool when defeat would have relegated us instead of Rotherham. So i remember Dick and Eric as the biggest clowns in one of the most eventful seasons at the Hall. Dick went on to be England U19 manager before another ex Shrimpers boss Peter Taylor took over. How Eric got to be a goalkeeping coach anywhere is a miracle, but at Old Trafford????
My thanks to statto.com for confirming my worst memories....
And no thanks to ericsteelecoachingservices.co.uk which was last updated about 4 years ago...
Sunday 1 March 2009
Children
I have the most enormous sympathy for David Cameron. To lose a child under any circumstances is appalling, and by all accounts little Ivan was a splendidly happy chap. He has my heartfelt sympathy.
But the idea that government should stop for 30 minutes is ridiculous, and another example of the country going mad. Previous prime ministers who served the country for decades have died and there have been murmurs of sorrow, expressions of thanks, and the country carries on. We are fighting 2 wars, we are in the middle of the greatest economic crisis of our lives, the world is going to hell in a handcart (whatever that means) and we stopped the government because an MP's child died. That was wrong, but i know that if there was an X-Factor style vote for the public that is exactly the kind of gesture that most people on this sad little island would have voted for. I'm glad i'm different/
And on a funnier note.... Jade said in one of her private moments shared by 18 journalists, that she was wondering how to tell her kids that she was dying. They are 5 and 6 - surely they can read by now? Surely they have noticed the media circus? Mum losing her hair? Mum's face on every magazine and newspaper? At school??? And looking at her Wikipedia page (wanted to check the kids' ages) it says she has had a relationship with footballer Ryan Amoo. Yes him. No, me neither - but he has his own wikipedia page (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Amoo) - surely the least successful footballer ever to get his own webpage. He plays for Barwell for God's sake...
But the idea that government should stop for 30 minutes is ridiculous, and another example of the country going mad. Previous prime ministers who served the country for decades have died and there have been murmurs of sorrow, expressions of thanks, and the country carries on. We are fighting 2 wars, we are in the middle of the greatest economic crisis of our lives, the world is going to hell in a handcart (whatever that means) and we stopped the government because an MP's child died. That was wrong, but i know that if there was an X-Factor style vote for the public that is exactly the kind of gesture that most people on this sad little island would have voted for. I'm glad i'm different/
And on a funnier note.... Jade said in one of her private moments shared by 18 journalists, that she was wondering how to tell her kids that she was dying. They are 5 and 6 - surely they can read by now? Surely they have noticed the media circus? Mum losing her hair? Mum's face on every magazine and newspaper? At school??? And looking at her Wikipedia page (wanted to check the kids' ages) it says she has had a relationship with footballer Ryan Amoo. Yes him. No, me neither - but he has his own wikipedia page (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Amoo) - surely the least successful footballer ever to get his own webpage. He plays for Barwell for God's sake...
Oh Mandy, you came and you gave without taking...
The arrogance of Peter Mandelson...
He accuses the unions of "scare tactics", and tells them this will cost them their jobs, and be the end of the Royal Mail unless they do what he says. And if Labour MPs do not support him then they will lose the next election.
Has he no sense of irony at all???? And how exactly has this man had so many powerful jobs???
He accuses the unions of "scare tactics", and tells them this will cost them their jobs, and be the end of the Royal Mail unless they do what he says. And if Labour MPs do not support him then they will lose the next election.
Has he no sense of irony at all???? And how exactly has this man had so many powerful jobs???
Monday 23 February 2009
The Quandary of Jade
Big fat loud mouthed idiot who racially abused someone and didn't know East Angular was in Britain... but she is dying so we can't be nasty any more.
Can we?
Ok, maybe not, but lets instead take the mickey out of OK magazine. They paid £700,000 for exclusive rights to her wedding. 30 people turned up to cheer her into the castle (in Essex remember). There were 50 guests, and who was the most high profile celebrity....?
Nick Ross, presenter of Crimewatch. And hubby was allowed to stay out past 7pm (one of the conditions of his probation after serving time for GBH is to be indoors by 7) by special permission of Jack Straw.
One feels Jonny Mac would have a field day in the continual dumbing down and "popular front" of the Labour govt - what on earth is Jack Straw doing personally intervening in this case??? Have we caught all the other criminals, stopped the terrorists and he thought he could do this just before he went home???
Harsh it may be, but after quite some reflection, i say good riddance, Jade. The world simply does not need you. Any complaints, please write them on a back of a £10 note and send them to Cancer Research. Catholics may forgive and forget for a deathbed confession, but personally i just keep thinking of the word "karma"... one this media whore probably has no idea about at all.
Can we?
Ok, maybe not, but lets instead take the mickey out of OK magazine. They paid £700,000 for exclusive rights to her wedding. 30 people turned up to cheer her into the castle (in Essex remember). There were 50 guests, and who was the most high profile celebrity....?
Nick Ross, presenter of Crimewatch. And hubby was allowed to stay out past 7pm (one of the conditions of his probation after serving time for GBH is to be indoors by 7) by special permission of Jack Straw.
One feels Jonny Mac would have a field day in the continual dumbing down and "popular front" of the Labour govt - what on earth is Jack Straw doing personally intervening in this case??? Have we caught all the other criminals, stopped the terrorists and he thought he could do this just before he went home???
Harsh it may be, but after quite some reflection, i say good riddance, Jade. The world simply does not need you. Any complaints, please write them on a back of a £10 note and send them to Cancer Research. Catholics may forgive and forget for a deathbed confession, but personally i just keep thinking of the word "karma"... one this media whore probably has no idea about at all.
Wednesday 18 February 2009
Alfie Patten
I leave the country for 3 short weeks...
Alfie
February 18th, 2009 ·
Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old star of the latest freak show, revealed he was taking a break from thrice-nightly sexual intercourse after discovering masturbation.
He added: "I don’t want to miss out on an important part of my childhood."
Alfie
February 18th, 2009 ·
Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old star of the latest freak show, revealed he was taking a break from thrice-nightly sexual intercourse after discovering masturbation.
He added: "I don’t want to miss out on an important part of my childhood."
Monday 16 February 2009
Desert tours, American rules - do not lose sight of your car...
Breathe.Breathe.
Breathe.
The cold dry air fills your lungs, and for once they dont need to filter anything. The cold, clean air rushes into your brain and fills you with cold, clean thoughts.
Silence and emptiness, and cold, clean air. The laughter and screaming you leave behind in the car park, the cold, clean pathways covered in ice and snow stop the Americans from straying more than 10 yards from their parked patrol cars. Huge metal beasts which Freud would have found fascinating, but in the car park your little compact car looks like an automotive foetus waiting to develop into something stupidly big, destructive and fearful.
But you can leave the car. Leave the safety of the visitor centre with disabled access and a 20 yard walk down a snow covered path finds you alone. American wilderness is wheelchair accessible, but for once the snow stops even the metal wheeled fat freaks from joining you in your peaceful solitude, and keeps the screaming kids and bored dads from taking your cold, clean air.
The American desert is a wonderful place. The local Americans pervert it into some kind of endless strip mall selling spiritual enlightenment, dream catchers and yogic recentring. And the Indians play along, realising that if they take the stupid white folk on little jeep drives and feed them nonsense about their grandfathers eating rattle snakes then they too can have the Nikes and the flatscreen TVs, and of course the cigarettes and alcohol and a million white man diseases. The industry of the desert is obscene, and has nothing to do with the National Parks, who do a fantastic job in keeping a lot of this country wild and true. And so it is with enormous relief that one turns off the highway, piles through the snow, and finds oneself alone in the cold, clean air.
Sunday 15 February 2009
The worst coffee in the world, but look at the view!
The view was spectacular.
The coffee was foul.
The muffin was inedible.
But look at that view!
The coffee was foul.
The muffin was inedible.
But look at that view!
Saturday 14 February 2009
Expectations...
Sitting in Dennys waiting for my eggs over easy with wheat toast and a side of hash browns, as one does, the following vignette played out...
Little old lady, probably late 70s, polyester shellsuit, glasses on a string and shuffling, was met by Alex the fiercely efficient waitress.
"Can i get you a coffee?"
"Er..well..."
"OK, you got it, i'll bring it right over, you sit down..." and she is off
"Actually i dont drink coffee..." but Alex is gone.
Less than a heartbeat later she returns with a mug of steaming Joe and places it in front of our little lady, who meekly smiles and says thanks.
A minute later and Alex is back, forcing the poor woman to choose, and almost scared she bleats "Sourdough bagel" and Alex is gone again with the menus and the woman looking forlornly into the coffee, another victim of the average American's terror of offending a waitress (by, say, tipping less than 20% at self service buffets).
And then this little old lady reaches into her pocket and pulls out an I-phone, starts scrolling away at the screen, takes out her little ear phones, plugs them in, and is lost in what one can only imagine is a world of Michael Buble or James Last...
Little old lady, probably late 70s, polyester shellsuit, glasses on a string and shuffling, was met by Alex the fiercely efficient waitress.
"Can i get you a coffee?"
"Er..well..."
"OK, you got it, i'll bring it right over, you sit down..." and she is off
"Actually i dont drink coffee..." but Alex is gone.
Less than a heartbeat later she returns with a mug of steaming Joe and places it in front of our little lady, who meekly smiles and says thanks.
A minute later and Alex is back, forcing the poor woman to choose, and almost scared she bleats "Sourdough bagel" and Alex is gone again with the menus and the woman looking forlornly into the coffee, another victim of the average American's terror of offending a waitress (by, say, tipping less than 20% at self service buffets).
And then this little old lady reaches into her pocket and pulls out an I-phone, starts scrolling away at the screen, takes out her little ear phones, plugs them in, and is lost in what one can only imagine is a world of Michael Buble or James Last...
Friday 13 February 2009
Wood, Tree and Koalas
A beautiful story about koalas meeting for the first time after being rescued from the fires, and the wonderful point that seems to have escaped the author is that one was rescued by Mr Tree, and the other by Ms Wood. You wooden believe it...
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/22/20090211/tod-oukoe-uk-australia-fires-koala-b7e5c6f.html
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/22/20090211/tod-oukoe-uk-australia-fires-koala-b7e5c6f.html
Honestly, i was just trying to get my blood sugar down...
Dangerous low blood sugar linked to sex drugs
Wednesday, February 11 10:04 pm Gene Emery (Yahoo News)
Illegal anti-impotence drugs and herbs contaminated with the diabetes drug glyburide have caused some 150 cases of dangerously low blood sugar, researchers in Singapore reported on Wednesday.
Four people have died, they said in the New England Journal of Medicine.
The drugs include counterfeit Cialis and herbal preparations with names such as "Power 1 Walnut" and "Santi Bovine Penis Erecting Capsule," Shih Ling Kao of National University Hospital said.
The packaging listed fictitious overseas factories as the manufacturer, "so it is not known whether there was deliberate or accidental contamination," they wrote.
All but one of the 150 victims were men, ranging in age from 19 to 97.
"We believe that physicians should be cognizant of this phenomenon when evaluating patients with severe unexplained hypoglycemia, particularly if a clustering of cases is noted," Kao's team wrote.
Wednesday, February 11 10:04 pm Gene Emery (Yahoo News)
Illegal anti-impotence drugs and herbs contaminated with the diabetes drug glyburide have caused some 150 cases of dangerously low blood sugar, researchers in Singapore reported on Wednesday.
Four people have died, they said in the New England Journal of Medicine.
The drugs include counterfeit Cialis and herbal preparations with names such as "Power 1 Walnut" and "Santi Bovine Penis Erecting Capsule," Shih Ling Kao of National University Hospital said.
The packaging listed fictitious overseas factories as the manufacturer, "so it is not known whether there was deliberate or accidental contamination," they wrote.
All but one of the 150 victims were men, ranging in age from 19 to 97.
"We believe that physicians should be cognizant of this phenomenon when evaluating patients with severe unexplained hypoglycemia, particularly if a clustering of cases is noted," Kao's team wrote.
Tuesday 3 February 2009
Caboverde
Have been saving this for a few days now...
To some, Cape Verde sounds like an island paradise. An island off the West Coast of Africa, bathed in light tropical winds with a perfect climate, the people are friendly, the beaches are apparently spotless...
Different when you are working there. Arrival on the island was a little late, so we touched down shortly after 11pm and i joined the line at immigration. Maybe 100 people, with 2 extraordinarily surly and unwelcoming Police officers on duty. An hour later my passport was scowled at for a good 3 or 4 minutes, all the time staring down without a word, they stared at various visas... and then asked "Visa?"
My answer must have surprised them. For I, like everyone else that day, and probably every other day they had ever worked at the airport, had discovered that you can only buy the visa in person once on the island. So no, i didnt have a visa. I was eventually given a form (including Profession, parents' names and i think it asked for my favourite colour) and joined the back of the line i had been in before, now at another desk. It took over 2 hours to get from the terminal door to baggage reclaim, a distance of about 40 metres.
The driver was there waiting and whished me off to my hotel. I was waved in the direction of a Grace Bros style lift which took me up one floor. Room 110 was posted down the corridor so off i went. When i bumped into my room, which i discovered by braille, I was so excited about the lighting arrangements in my corridor that i took a photo of the front door:
To some, Cape Verde sounds like an island paradise. An island off the West Coast of Africa, bathed in light tropical winds with a perfect climate, the people are friendly, the beaches are apparently spotless...
Different when you are working there. Arrival on the island was a little late, so we touched down shortly after 11pm and i joined the line at immigration. Maybe 100 people, with 2 extraordinarily surly and unwelcoming Police officers on duty. An hour later my passport was scowled at for a good 3 or 4 minutes, all the time staring down without a word, they stared at various visas... and then asked "Visa?"
My answer must have surprised them. For I, like everyone else that day, and probably every other day they had ever worked at the airport, had discovered that you can only buy the visa in person once on the island. So no, i didnt have a visa. I was eventually given a form (including Profession, parents' names and i think it asked for my favourite colour) and joined the back of the line i had been in before, now at another desk. It took over 2 hours to get from the terminal door to baggage reclaim, a distance of about 40 metres.
The driver was there waiting and whished me off to my hotel. I was waved in the direction of a Grace Bros style lift which took me up one floor. Room 110 was posted down the corridor so off i went. When i bumped into my room, which i discovered by braille, I was so excited about the lighting arrangements in my corridor that i took a photo of the front door:
Once inside i took advantage of the facilities and slept. Until the alarm went off about 5 hours later.
The office was a huge sprawling place, fit for 1000 workers, but actually being used by about 20. I have no complaints about my treatment by the team there, excellent, hard working people who looked after me and made me very welcome. Even Anna, the mad young girl in the canteen who decided that the funniest thing she had ever encountered was a vegetarian.
The canteen was like a 1940s pre-hygiene food tent. There was a counter, and on the other side was Anna, a spoon, some tongs, and about a dozen plates. These contained one big pile of rice, one plate of vegetables, and about 10 different ways to cook bits of chicken. Or pork. Or lets face it, it could have been dog.
I was Anna's first vegetarian. So i got a plate of rice and vegetables. And each of my 5 lunches there was a lump of cabbage (boiled 45 minutes), some squash (boiled 45 minutes), a plantain (quite tasty actually) and some rice. And she never stopped laughing at me.
My host actually phoned a restaurant for me, as my Portuguese is not what it used to be, and was told they dont serve vegetarians. Irish, dogs and whores welcome, but no vegetarians. So it was off to the supermarket for home made cheese (Laughing Cow reduced fat slices since you ask) sandwiches.
One night we did go out to a restaurant. The chef was told at table side to prepare a feast of vegetables, to use his imagination, and surprise me. He did.
I got a plate of rice, plantain, squash and cabbage. And resting ever so neatly on top were 2 stone cold slices of Laughing Cow cheese.
The hotel was a great place to stay at night. No internet, no blackberry, no tv...One light in the room, no kettle, no fridge... the air conditioning had a hose running into a bucket by the window that i had to empty every couple of hours while wondering what the gestation period for legionaires disease is...
So it was no hardship at all to work at the office past 8 every night, and on the last night we arrived at the airport at 10.30. I arrived in the departure lounge after midnight. THere was only one flight, with little more than 100 people on, but again check in was painful and security was ridiculous. And we then left over an hour late which made my bag miss the connection.
Going to lost baggage at LHR was painful. I tried to explain to the man that i was travelling again the next day so needed my bag urgently. His reply - "Its not here." I know, say I, so can i borrow one? "No, your bag is not damaged, it is lost, and you can only borrow a bag if we have damaged your's." So being unable to prove that my bag was damaged, i left without a spare change of underwear....
So what did i see of Caboverde? In daylight - the walk from the office to the canteen. I had to wait outside the hotel every morning for the driver, so i include for your delight the Escolinha Disneyland - which proves that Cape Verde is one place the Disney lawyers have not yet reached which cheered me up. And the view from my window - the corner of the market place with women arriving with boxes of fruit on their heads. In civilisations where men do the work we invented the wheel 1000s of years ago. Where women do the work, they still carry boxes on their heads....
Thursday 22 January 2009
Ok, even i wouldn't do that #2 (and dont worry, there shouldnt be many)
An update on the Tory hopeful who went to the fancy dress party as Maddie.
Apparently he did wonder whether it was a bit tasteless so he checked with his friends. Decided it was ok as one of them was going as Baby P.
And he did.
No comment required.
Apparently he did wonder whether it was a bit tasteless so he checked with his friends. Decided it was ok as one of them was going as Baby P.
And he did.
No comment required.
FOX News - i could not live without it...
Last night they started reporting the (ahem...) FACT that since Barack fluffed his lines in the swearing in bit of the shenanigans the other day he was not officially the President. They were trying to run with it and say that it may in fact need a new election as the country was rudderless...
And now today, with the news that Barack and the Chief Justice repeated the swearing in later in the privacy of some ballroom toilet (i made that location up, but hey, if they can...) just in case any right wing nutters thought about challenging the validity of the Presidency.
So what do FOX News now run with? "On Day 2 of the Obama Presidency - how the White House has become a secret office not inviting the press to key events..."
Has BECOME???? Seriously folks, you need to keep watching FOX News, cos when Obama does good things they will be spinning it in their usual brilliant way.
Feeding the Poor? Lets bring back tax cuts for the rich.
Just out of curiosity - is there common law in the US. Surely if 2 million people stand in the snow watching something, 100s of millions around the world watch it on TV, everyone reads about it, everyone knows... surely getting two lines of the oath wrong makes no difference at all? Everyone knows he is the Pres?
Surely?
Watch this space for news of FOX v Obama in the Supreme Court.
And now today, with the news that Barack and the Chief Justice repeated the swearing in later in the privacy of some ballroom toilet (i made that location up, but hey, if they can...) just in case any right wing nutters thought about challenging the validity of the Presidency.
So what do FOX News now run with? "On Day 2 of the Obama Presidency - how the White House has become a secret office not inviting the press to key events..."
Has BECOME???? Seriously folks, you need to keep watching FOX News, cos when Obama does good things they will be spinning it in their usual brilliant way.
Feeding the Poor? Lets bring back tax cuts for the rich.
Just out of curiosity - is there common law in the US. Surely if 2 million people stand in the snow watching something, 100s of millions around the world watch it on TV, everyone reads about it, everyone knows... surely getting two lines of the oath wrong makes no difference at all? Everyone knows he is the Pres?
Surely?
Watch this space for news of FOX v Obama in the Supreme Court.
Wednesday 21 January 2009
Isn't blogging brillllliant??!!!
Welcome gentle reader, to the back of my cab. I am currently doing 80 on the M23, and have had enough of the driver telling me how any animal can get UK benefits without ever leaving their home in Africa....
Have just had a couple of days in Dublin, all completely overshadowed of course by the inauguration of President Obama. And yes JMP it sure does feel good not seeing the P word followed by Bush...
I will leave more educated and flowery writers to describe events, all I wanted to mention was my overwhelming sense of melancholy and fear that yesterday was the best day of Obama's presidency. Yesterday nothing was his fault, and he had promise, ideas, opportunities. Could one man change a world.
And then before he had visited his 7th ball, before he had even swiped his door pass at the White House, came news that he was stopping the Guantanamo trials due to start today. And for me that was more important than any silly parade - he has started, and in the way we wanted him to. So today I am confident. It won't all happen tomorrow, but the world will improve. And then someone will run out of water and it will all kick off anew.......
Have just had a couple of days in Dublin, all completely overshadowed of course by the inauguration of President Obama. And yes JMP it sure does feel good not seeing the P word followed by Bush...
I will leave more educated and flowery writers to describe events, all I wanted to mention was my overwhelming sense of melancholy and fear that yesterday was the best day of Obama's presidency. Yesterday nothing was his fault, and he had promise, ideas, opportunities. Could one man change a world.
And then before he had visited his 7th ball, before he had even swiped his door pass at the White House, came news that he was stopping the Guantanamo trials due to start today. And for me that was more important than any silly parade - he has started, and in the way we wanted him to. So today I am confident. It won't all happen tomorrow, but the world will improve. And then someone will run out of water and it will all kick off anew.......
Saturday 10 January 2009
Friday 9 January 2009
Ok, even I wouldnt do that...
Its good to know that even when all trust and support for Labour has slipped away, you still know that this bloke just had to be a Tory...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7820727.stm
Kate and Gerry McCann have condemned a Conservative activist who boasted about dressing up as Madeleine McCann at a party, calling his actions "offensive".
Matthew Lewis has been expelled from the party after telling friends of his planned exploits at a New Year party.
Tory chairman Caroline Spelman said the actions of Mr Lewis, a member of the young activist group Conservative Future, were "completely unacceptable".
Five-year Madeleine disappeared in 2007 during a family holiday in Portugal.
'Intolerable'
Despite a worldwide hunt, there has been no trace of her since.
Mr Lewis, who is believed to studying in London, told friends on the Facebook website that he planned to attend a party dressed as Madeleine McCann.
He said his costume would include "pink pyjamas, a teddy bear and a vial of fake blood".
This offensive behaviour is not only shocking but intolerable and completely unacceptable
Caroline Spelman
After the party, Mr Lewis used the website to tell another Conservative Future member that "there was a brief moment when I thought I might have gone too far with elements of the costume but it was OK".
Mr Lewis is listed by Conservative Future as its branch chairman in Staffordshire although he is reported to have resigned from the position last month.
He was pictured campaigning alongside Tory leader David Cameron during last year's Crewe and Nantwich by-election.
A spokesman for the McCanns said his actions were "offensive almost beyond belief".
"His actions are not only disgraceful in themselves, they will also cause great hurt to Kate and Gerry," he said.
"It is a complete disgrace that Madeleine's name and image should be made fun of in this way."
But the spokesman praised the "swift and appropriate" action taken by the Conservatives against Mr Lewis.
It is understood Mr Lewis is to make a "full and unreserved" apology to the McCanns, which the Conservatives hope will draw a line under the incident.
In a statement, Conservative Central Office said there was "no place for this sort of person in the party".
"This offensive behaviour is not only shocking but intolerable and completely unacceptable," Mrs Spelman said.
And I say leaving your kids alone and giving "someone else" the opportunity to murder one of them is pretty offensive.... and just maybe more serious than having extraordinarily bad taste? After all, as the McCanns know full well, all publicity is good publicity in the search for Maddie, and this gets them back in the news. I would like to make clear that there is absolutely no evidence at all to suggest that the McCanns did anything to their child. I am absolutely convinced they were in the restaurant. If their lawyers are reading i will repeat that - there is no evidence at all that they did anything more than leave their children unguarded...
If any other lawyers are reading and have any legal advice be glad to hear it :)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7820727.stm
Kate and Gerry McCann have condemned a Conservative activist who boasted about dressing up as Madeleine McCann at a party, calling his actions "offensive".
Matthew Lewis has been expelled from the party after telling friends of his planned exploits at a New Year party.
Tory chairman Caroline Spelman said the actions of Mr Lewis, a member of the young activist group Conservative Future, were "completely unacceptable".
Five-year Madeleine disappeared in 2007 during a family holiday in Portugal.
'Intolerable'
Despite a worldwide hunt, there has been no trace of her since.
Mr Lewis, who is believed to studying in London, told friends on the Facebook website that he planned to attend a party dressed as Madeleine McCann.
He said his costume would include "pink pyjamas, a teddy bear and a vial of fake blood".
This offensive behaviour is not only shocking but intolerable and completely unacceptable
Caroline Spelman
After the party, Mr Lewis used the website to tell another Conservative Future member that "there was a brief moment when I thought I might have gone too far with elements of the costume but it was OK".
Mr Lewis is listed by Conservative Future as its branch chairman in Staffordshire although he is reported to have resigned from the position last month.
He was pictured campaigning alongside Tory leader David Cameron during last year's Crewe and Nantwich by-election.
A spokesman for the McCanns said his actions were "offensive almost beyond belief".
"His actions are not only disgraceful in themselves, they will also cause great hurt to Kate and Gerry," he said.
"It is a complete disgrace that Madeleine's name and image should be made fun of in this way."
But the spokesman praised the "swift and appropriate" action taken by the Conservatives against Mr Lewis.
It is understood Mr Lewis is to make a "full and unreserved" apology to the McCanns, which the Conservatives hope will draw a line under the incident.
In a statement, Conservative Central Office said there was "no place for this sort of person in the party".
"This offensive behaviour is not only shocking but intolerable and completely unacceptable," Mrs Spelman said.
And I say leaving your kids alone and giving "someone else" the opportunity to murder one of them is pretty offensive.... and just maybe more serious than having extraordinarily bad taste? After all, as the McCanns know full well, all publicity is good publicity in the search for Maddie, and this gets them back in the news. I would like to make clear that there is absolutely no evidence at all to suggest that the McCanns did anything to their child. I am absolutely convinced they were in the restaurant. If their lawyers are reading i will repeat that - there is no evidence at all that they did anything more than leave their children unguarded...
If any other lawyers are reading and have any legal advice be glad to hear it :)
From Denis Norden's "You couldn't make it up, even if you are the kind of doctor who thinks a cock up is one more successful sex change operation..."
A man who donated his kidney to his wife eight years ago now wants it back after she cheated on him and filed for divorce.
'I Want My Kidney Back' Says Doc
Richard Batista from Long Island in New York, US, says he wants the organ back or £2.1m ($1.5m).
The surgeon gave his wife Dawnell the kidney in 2001 after two previous failed transplants.
Dr Batista told the New York Daily News there is "no value you can put on an organ when it saves someone's life. There is no greater feeling on this planet."
He says he is only suing Dawnell to get her to act reasonably in the divorce case, claiming she is restricting access to their children, aged eight, 11 and 14.
Their relationship had been suffering due to the strain of his wife's medical issues, said Dr Batista.
"My first priority was to save her life," he said. "The second bonus was to turn the marriage around."
But it did not work and four years later she filed for divorce.
Arthur Caplan from the University of Pennsylvania's Centre for Bioethics said the likelihood of Dr Batista getting either his kidney or the money was "somewhere between impossible and completely impossible".
Medical ethicist Robert Veatch from Georgetown University said it was illegal for an organ to be exchanged for anything of value.
Organ donation is a gift which means you cannot legally get it back, he explained.
"It's her kidney now and taking the kidney out would mean she would have to go on dialysis or it would kill her," Mr Veatch said.
He insisted no reputable surgeon would perform such a procedure and no court could compel someone to undergo an operation.
'I Want My Kidney Back' Says Doc
Richard Batista from Long Island in New York, US, says he wants the organ back or £2.1m ($1.5m).
The surgeon gave his wife Dawnell the kidney in 2001 after two previous failed transplants.
Dr Batista told the New York Daily News there is "no value you can put on an organ when it saves someone's life. There is no greater feeling on this planet."
He says he is only suing Dawnell to get her to act reasonably in the divorce case, claiming she is restricting access to their children, aged eight, 11 and 14.
Their relationship had been suffering due to the strain of his wife's medical issues, said Dr Batista.
"My first priority was to save her life," he said. "The second bonus was to turn the marriage around."
But it did not work and four years later she filed for divorce.
Arthur Caplan from the University of Pennsylvania's Centre for Bioethics said the likelihood of Dr Batista getting either his kidney or the money was "somewhere between impossible and completely impossible".
Medical ethicist Robert Veatch from Georgetown University said it was illegal for an organ to be exchanged for anything of value.
Organ donation is a gift which means you cannot legally get it back, he explained.
"It's her kidney now and taking the kidney out would mean she would have to go on dialysis or it would kill her," Mr Veatch said.
He insisted no reputable surgeon would perform such a procedure and no court could compel someone to undergo an operation.
X Factor contestants not being ripped off at all
From the Yahoo news page... seems that X Factor winner who murdered Hallelujah is getting paid somewhere in the region of 150 quid a night. All the acts together will earn less than a grand, on a show that is grossing over half a million....
And that's on top of the much vaunted MILLION POUND CONTRACT which actually means that her cut + marketing + expenses + materials + production costs will come to more than a million. Her cut is rumoured to be around 100 grand....
Well done Mr Cowell, feed the cow and milk the cash. Well done my fellow countrymen who eat this crap up, year after year...
QUOTE
X Factor's Minimum Wage
Posted 41 minutes ago by Mitch Carter in The Guestlist
Despite becoming the first British female solo artist to sell over 1 million singles in the UK, Alexandra Burke is only earning £250 a night for live appearances according to the Daily Mail.
Her debut single Hallelujah outsold Leona Lewis' debut and is set to become the best-selling single by a female artist this decade, ousting current record-holder Kylie Minogue who has sold 1.1 million copies of Spinning Around.
Alexandra is currently performing alongside Laura White, Eoghan Quigg, Diana Vickers and Rachel Hylton as part of the X Factor tour. Her co-stars will receive a similar amount but boyband JLS will only earn £100 each per night for their performances.
Tax, a 20% management fee and expenses will also be deducted from their earnings.
Tickets for London's O2 arena start at £28.50 meaning a sold-out performance could earn organisers over half a million pounds.
UNQUOTE
And that's on top of the much vaunted MILLION POUND CONTRACT which actually means that her cut + marketing + expenses + materials + production costs will come to more than a million. Her cut is rumoured to be around 100 grand....
Well done Mr Cowell, feed the cow and milk the cash. Well done my fellow countrymen who eat this crap up, year after year...
QUOTE
X Factor's Minimum Wage
Posted 41 minutes ago by Mitch Carter in The Guestlist
Despite becoming the first British female solo artist to sell over 1 million singles in the UK, Alexandra Burke is only earning £250 a night for live appearances according to the Daily Mail.
Her debut single Hallelujah outsold Leona Lewis' debut and is set to become the best-selling single by a female artist this decade, ousting current record-holder Kylie Minogue who has sold 1.1 million copies of Spinning Around.
Alexandra is currently performing alongside Laura White, Eoghan Quigg, Diana Vickers and Rachel Hylton as part of the X Factor tour. Her co-stars will receive a similar amount but boyband JLS will only earn £100 each per night for their performances.
Tax, a 20% management fee and expenses will also be deducted from their earnings.
Tickets for London's O2 arena start at £28.50 meaning a sold-out performance could earn organisers over half a million pounds.
UNQUOTE
Wednesday 7 January 2009
Israel and India
M'Learned friend Mr Mac argues with some persuasion http://jonnymacsplace.blogspot.com/ that Israel has the right to defend itself against an aggressive neighbour if it is certain that they are a threat to its security. I dont think there is any doubt left that Hamas is a threat to Israel, no one denies that, and therefore Israel seems justified in taking some military action to contain / remove that threat.
So how does one argue the case of India. The government there announced yesterday that the Mumbai massacre was organised within Pakistan, by Pakistanis, with the tacit approval of the Pakistani government - in that they know these paramilitary organisations exist within their borders and they do next to nothing to stop them. So the question is asked of the world - does India have the right to stage pre-emptive attacks against regions of Pakistan where they know terrorist training camps exist - where there are weapons and lunatics poised to inflict more killing on Indian civilians. Should India (a nuclear power) launch raids on Pakistan (another nuclear power) with the same justification as Israel?
Questions like this trouble me, and the idea of India wading into the North worries me...
So how does one argue the case of India. The government there announced yesterday that the Mumbai massacre was organised within Pakistan, by Pakistanis, with the tacit approval of the Pakistani government - in that they know these paramilitary organisations exist within their borders and they do next to nothing to stop them. So the question is asked of the world - does India have the right to stage pre-emptive attacks against regions of Pakistan where they know terrorist training camps exist - where there are weapons and lunatics poised to inflict more killing on Indian civilians. Should India (a nuclear power) launch raids on Pakistan (another nuclear power) with the same justification as Israel?
Questions like this trouble me, and the idea of India wading into the North worries me...
A tremendous day of news
Sat in Costa Coffee with the unemployed and old this morning, i thoroughly enjoyed the Independent, and thought i would share some of the highlights with you...
http://independent.co.uk
On the letters page they always put a daily statistic - normally along the lines of "273 - Average minutes a beetle can swim for in salt water." Amusing, whimsical, fun. This morning's made me choke on my coffee... 3645 people died in the UK last year in hospitals due to worker mistakes. So every year more people die from medical staff cocking up, than died in 9/11, or from drugs, or murders...
Peter Tatchell, celebrated Gay Rights campaigner who i admire for his work, especially in Zimbabwe, seems to be a bit short of things to get excited about. He has attacked the BBC for the "50 Most Annoying People" show, one of those talking heads things where micro celebrities slag each other off. Apparently Lindsay Lohan was one of them, and even though the annoying acts were her misbehaving and set up paparazzi shots, Tatchell has described the show as "Lesbophobic." What a great word.
Kraftwerk have lost one of their founder members, who wont be touring with them this year. He has appeared on all 4 of the band's albums released throughout their 40 year career. Now that is work rate. Poor bloke must be knackered, especially as the last album only came out 3 years ago. The idea of touring this soon after was madness...
Laura Bush, wife of the outgoing Satan in the US, has suffered the loss of her 18 year old cat, India. That itself is not news, but the fact that a Cairo based radio station which is normally reserved for Bin Laden's broadcasts and Al-Qaeda news, has started broadcasting round the clock taunts, celebrating the death of Bush's pet. I dont think even i would go that far...
And finally, a parish church in Yorkshire has put together a charity recipe book and managed to get Gordo and Dave to put forward their recipes. Dave goes for Tuscan sausage, while Gordo favours mozarella parcels. The food critic describes this as a "bit old hat." I say support the charity and dont use it as a way of attacking the politicians - they do little enough of any merit, so the fact they bothered with this should be saluted. And i am in no way biased because Mrs Dno has issued her own charity recipe book, featuring contributions from Michaela Strachan, Pat from Eastenders, Rula Lenska and Philip Schofield. Now that is good cooking... (although Michael Caine's cake was disappointing...)
And in news just in.... Golf clubs could damage your hearing... I will let the reader find out how...
http://independent.co.uk
On the letters page they always put a daily statistic - normally along the lines of "273 - Average minutes a beetle can swim for in salt water." Amusing, whimsical, fun. This morning's made me choke on my coffee... 3645 people died in the UK last year in hospitals due to worker mistakes. So every year more people die from medical staff cocking up, than died in 9/11, or from drugs, or murders...
Peter Tatchell, celebrated Gay Rights campaigner who i admire for his work, especially in Zimbabwe, seems to be a bit short of things to get excited about. He has attacked the BBC for the "50 Most Annoying People" show, one of those talking heads things where micro celebrities slag each other off. Apparently Lindsay Lohan was one of them, and even though the annoying acts were her misbehaving and set up paparazzi shots, Tatchell has described the show as "Lesbophobic." What a great word.
Kraftwerk have lost one of their founder members, who wont be touring with them this year. He has appeared on all 4 of the band's albums released throughout their 40 year career. Now that is work rate. Poor bloke must be knackered, especially as the last album only came out 3 years ago. The idea of touring this soon after was madness...
Laura Bush, wife of the outgoing Satan in the US, has suffered the loss of her 18 year old cat, India. That itself is not news, but the fact that a Cairo based radio station which is normally reserved for Bin Laden's broadcasts and Al-Qaeda news, has started broadcasting round the clock taunts, celebrating the death of Bush's pet. I dont think even i would go that far...
And finally, a parish church in Yorkshire has put together a charity recipe book and managed to get Gordo and Dave to put forward their recipes. Dave goes for Tuscan sausage, while Gordo favours mozarella parcels. The food critic describes this as a "bit old hat." I say support the charity and dont use it as a way of attacking the politicians - they do little enough of any merit, so the fact they bothered with this should be saluted. And i am in no way biased because Mrs Dno has issued her own charity recipe book, featuring contributions from Michaela Strachan, Pat from Eastenders, Rula Lenska and Philip Schofield. Now that is good cooking... (although Michael Caine's cake was disappointing...)
And in news just in.... Golf clubs could damage your hearing... I will let the reader find out how...
Saturday 3 January 2009
New Forest Sanctuary
Your humble correspondent has gone under cover, and in order to bring you knowledge he has disguised himself as a resident at a health spa.
Its one of those places that women go dewey eyed over. Its a nice hotel, quaint old manor building in a cute little New Forest village, but attached to it is a modern eyesore - a bizarre mix of concrete, glass and bamboo - which claims to be an authentic Thai spa. http://www.careysmanor.com/
So what happens in this strange feminine world, where everyone strolls around in dressing gowns, and small Thai ladies in little black suits are probably the most genuinely happy and friendly people you have ever met - and all are keen to get your trousers off and rub in some strange smelling unction... We have been here 3 days now and it still makes no sense...
You start in the hydrotherapy pool, which to the uneducated eye (moi!) seems like a giant jacuzzi. There are bubble jets which shoot out the wall and hit you in the groin (extremely pleasant i will admit) and bubbles which erupt beneath you. The bubbles seem to attack your shorts which swell up into life jackets and force you onto your back to avoid the most painful of wedgies.... So we move from there to the Arctic Storm shower. Apparently the secret is hot / cold / hot / cold, so we soak ourselves in icey water and wander off in search of the herbal sauna. Hot. Hot hot hot. And why Thyme as a herb? Back to the Atlantic Ocean spray so we can go into the steam room. Quite literally, and i hate that word, a room full of steam. Whoever thought i needed help to sweat was alas much mistaken. But sweat i do, and from there its in to the Caribbean Rain shower. I have no idea what the difference between all these geographical showers is supposed to be - they are all just cold water! The wife has taken a shine to the ice machine and tipping the bucket of cold water over her head, will update later if there is any noticeable improvement thanks to this technique... Madness i call it.
And then to the one i do like - the Tepidarium. Basically warm benches in a cool room. Which you just have to lay on. And who said being healthy wasnt fun. The hard work done its obviously back to the cold showers, a bit more Giant Jacuzzi and then off to the changing rooms...
The rest area is lovely, all smoothies, gift shop and sofas, but you sign it to the room and slurp the smoothy, and the world seems a long long way away...
You can also get what are referred to as treatments, but are really just ways of getting nice little ladies to paw you with oil. The foot massage was lovely, the blindfold that little touch that made it even more personal. The Swedish massage was wonderful, again the blindfold a great idea, so you have no idea who is tucking your bits back between your legs and leaning over your chest with your arm stuck between her and the bed... And this was booked by my wife??? All very above board apparently, and you get a little card that tells you what the oil was so you can buy it in the gift shop. Searched in vain for the little box to tick for Happy Finish, and little Pao delivered me back to the reception with her honour intact. Very enjoyable, not sure if it was really good for me, but very pleasurable!
So what has your roving reporter discovered then? That he can get a new key by waving one at reception and just saying "Six" (our room number) to a receptionist he has never met. I will be returning next week with a large van and some boxes.
The French restaurant has imported some genuine snotty French waiters. When remarking that the red pepper risotto was in fact a mushroom one, i was told that Chef often changes his mind half way through cooking...
The local tea shop does a cracking cream tea, and is teddy bear themed. To get the waitress' attention, one sits a little teddy on top of a stick on the table. Genius :) And the young girls in little French maid outfits (with blue nail varnish) are always welcome servers.
Christchurch is Basildon on sea with marinas. Thats like putting an Aston Martin garage in Bewbush,
The ponies of the New Forest are cute. They wander everywhere, and most houses have a gate and a cattle grid. They have right of way through the village, and i have never seen so much horse poo.
And most importantly, Southend got a draw at Chelsea. At almost exactly the moment little Pao was oiling my thigh, Peter Clarke was equalising at Stamford Bridge.... some days are better than others...
Its one of those places that women go dewey eyed over. Its a nice hotel, quaint old manor building in a cute little New Forest village, but attached to it is a modern eyesore - a bizarre mix of concrete, glass and bamboo - which claims to be an authentic Thai spa. http://www.careysmanor.com/
So what happens in this strange feminine world, where everyone strolls around in dressing gowns, and small Thai ladies in little black suits are probably the most genuinely happy and friendly people you have ever met - and all are keen to get your trousers off and rub in some strange smelling unction... We have been here 3 days now and it still makes no sense...
You start in the hydrotherapy pool, which to the uneducated eye (moi!) seems like a giant jacuzzi. There are bubble jets which shoot out the wall and hit you in the groin (extremely pleasant i will admit) and bubbles which erupt beneath you. The bubbles seem to attack your shorts which swell up into life jackets and force you onto your back to avoid the most painful of wedgies.... So we move from there to the Arctic Storm shower. Apparently the secret is hot / cold / hot / cold, so we soak ourselves in icey water and wander off in search of the herbal sauna. Hot. Hot hot hot. And why Thyme as a herb? Back to the Atlantic Ocean spray so we can go into the steam room. Quite literally, and i hate that word, a room full of steam. Whoever thought i needed help to sweat was alas much mistaken. But sweat i do, and from there its in to the Caribbean Rain shower. I have no idea what the difference between all these geographical showers is supposed to be - they are all just cold water! The wife has taken a shine to the ice machine and tipping the bucket of cold water over her head, will update later if there is any noticeable improvement thanks to this technique... Madness i call it.
And then to the one i do like - the Tepidarium. Basically warm benches in a cool room. Which you just have to lay on. And who said being healthy wasnt fun. The hard work done its obviously back to the cold showers, a bit more Giant Jacuzzi and then off to the changing rooms...
The rest area is lovely, all smoothies, gift shop and sofas, but you sign it to the room and slurp the smoothy, and the world seems a long long way away...
You can also get what are referred to as treatments, but are really just ways of getting nice little ladies to paw you with oil. The foot massage was lovely, the blindfold that little touch that made it even more personal. The Swedish massage was wonderful, again the blindfold a great idea, so you have no idea who is tucking your bits back between your legs and leaning over your chest with your arm stuck between her and the bed... And this was booked by my wife??? All very above board apparently, and you get a little card that tells you what the oil was so you can buy it in the gift shop. Searched in vain for the little box to tick for Happy Finish, and little Pao delivered me back to the reception with her honour intact. Very enjoyable, not sure if it was really good for me, but very pleasurable!
So what has your roving reporter discovered then? That he can get a new key by waving one at reception and just saying "Six" (our room number) to a receptionist he has never met. I will be returning next week with a large van and some boxes.
The French restaurant has imported some genuine snotty French waiters. When remarking that the red pepper risotto was in fact a mushroom one, i was told that Chef often changes his mind half way through cooking...
The local tea shop does a cracking cream tea, and is teddy bear themed. To get the waitress' attention, one sits a little teddy on top of a stick on the table. Genius :) And the young girls in little French maid outfits (with blue nail varnish) are always welcome servers.
Christchurch is Basildon on sea with marinas. Thats like putting an Aston Martin garage in Bewbush,
The ponies of the New Forest are cute. They wander everywhere, and most houses have a gate and a cattle grid. They have right of way through the village, and i have never seen so much horse poo.
And most importantly, Southend got a draw at Chelsea. At almost exactly the moment little Pao was oiling my thigh, Peter Clarke was equalising at Stamford Bridge.... some days are better than others...
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