Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Peter and Jordan
I apologise for no recent blogs, but the news of Peter Andre and Katie "Jordan" Price splitting has left me devestated.
Coming so soon after the death of Jade, Princess of our Tarts, it has left me short in the heroes and role models department.
Where once I had Diana who could wear really expensive dresses and have her hair done so nicely that she looked like a Princess, now there is only Kate Winslett.
Where i used to dream of being as clever and quick witted as David Beckham, now i dream only of beating Wayne Rooney at Connect 4.
In olden days i could rely on Mariah Carey not doing stairs. I knew that Ben Kingsley would remind me to call him Sir Ben. It was taken as read that Naomi Campbell was chucking phones and in court...
Then Jade died, and although the queue for pies got a lot shorter something inside me was hurting. Even the reforming of Spandau Ballet couldnt ease the pain...
And now this. Now this...
If i can quote from our 3 leading newspaper front pages this morning (and apologies if they are the wrong way round):
The Sun: PETER MUST BE GAY BECAUSE HE WONT SLEEP WITH ME
The Star: PETER: I'M CELIBATE GET ME OUT OF HERE - JORDAN DOESNT WANT SEX
The Other One: JORDAN - TAKE ME BACK I'LL DO ANYTHING.
Please, Peter. Please. For all of us out here who need you. Who need JordAnDre (did you see what i did there?) to be there. Even though you cant hear our silent screams of adulation, know that we love you. We wish you all the best. And we truly wish you get the privacy and peace that you deserve. The thought of 2 teams of publicists signing multi million pound deals without your consent is a horrible thought.
We love you both.